Holding a kid back in school is a very curious thing. It may have helped academically, however I find that hard to believe. I lost my friends, mainly because in the third grade you are really only starting to make solid friendships. I lost my focus as instead of focusing on what was happening in the class I focused on trying to fit into the class. I felt stupid, and was reminded of just how stupid I was on a regular basis. Kids don't understand all the complexities of life, and think it's just because you are dumb that they held you back and you can't argue anything different because that's exactly how you feel as well. I lost the little pride I had when my desk was moved from the classroom and into the cloakroom. This was done so that I could do all my assignments using a cassette recorder, and they did not want to distract from the rest of the class.....certainly not considering my dignity or what that might mean for me. The education system in the 70 sure had a lot to be desired.
At home my world was miserable. Daily I was reminded of how stupid I was, in fact my brother started using stupid as my name. If a friend called me on the phone and he answered he would yell up the stairs for me by saying "hay Stup....phone's for you" or if my mom wanted me, he would yell, "hey stup, mom wants you." This went on for as long as he lived in the house. My parents would tell me whenever I would have difficulty, or was struggling with something that I was lazy, I didn't work hard enough, I didn't pay attention etc etc. I felt very alone !
The stigma follows you forever, even when you are doing better with grades and attention. Not one teacher treated me right, almost all of them felt I was less than and I felt it. I did run into a teacher from time to time who found good things about me. The second year of grade 3 I was lucky to have one of those teachers. I was placed in a class where the teacher was expecting a baby and left the class to have that baby at Christmas break. For the second half I had a teacher who made me feel special, who spent more time with me, and encouraged me to be the best I could be. I remember how she would let me sit beside her at the side of the room while she marked papers and graded work books. Sometimes she would make funny comments about this students work or that students work, which made me feel like we were close. I finally felt like I mattered to someone, and that she saw the best in me. This was a very kind woman, and I have never forgotten her. I have never told her how she influenced me, and how much she meant to me. I should do that.
I was never a good student, even though I felt like I tried it never really showed in the marks. By the time I entered high school I had just resolved to get through this the best way I knew how. I did just that. No one looked at me as anything special, no one really cared about the burden on my shoulders, just that they felt I didn't care. I am sure that is exactly how I came across, that I didn't really have a vested interest in success in school. I do wish someone had taken notice and gave me a little push in the right direction or saw in me what I could not see, but no one did.
I am sure I am not the only one that endured this experience, I am not unique in this. Education was not what it is today, teachers didn't understand the types of difficulties faced by students then that they do now. Educators were new with the conditions of ADHD, most learning difficulties as well as other conditions like dyslexia and alike. I am grateful that education has changed since then, for my son's benefit. I am grateful everyday that his difficulties in school are recognized and they know so much more about how to deal with ADHD and alike.
As a parent I work very hard to learn as much as I can about ADHD and how to help my son succeed. I work very hard at helping him recognized his various difficulties and how to work with them, and also at educating his educators on how to deal with him as an individual, keeping his gifts and strengths in mind and keeping his self esteem intact. I am very mindful of what types of things that I do not want to have happen with him, as I never want him to feel that because he has ADHD that he in not intelligent, as he is one of the most intelligent persons I have ever met. His strengths far outweigh his difficulties, and his attitude towards others and life itself is just amazing. There are times I find myself looking at him interact with others and think, this boy sure has a way with people. I am so proud of him, and I so look forward to who he will become. This little boy has such a way with people that he could truly change the world. I can't wait to see how he will do that!!
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