Weight........drives me crazy!! I can't seem to get past this lifelong problem.
I was alone a lot when I was a kid. Both parents worked, and when I would come home from school I would get some food and hide out in my bedroom. That was the safest thing for me to do, I needed to stay away from Mr evil!! (Someday I will explain Mr evil, but not now).
Food became my friend and I got a really good payout.....the heavier I got the less attention came my way. Yes it meant that I might be teased, bullied or ignored, but that was so much better than the alternative. Was this a conscious choice, no, I had no idea what I was doing back then, but after years of trying to figure it all out, that is the why and how of it. Why is it that I can't stop now that I know??
Anyone with a weight problem knows this is something that picks at you everyday. It eats away parts of you, and you know this is happening but it just seems to be a cycle that goes around and around. I gain weight, I get depressed, I eat to make myself feel better, I get even more depressed and on and on and on.
Since Zeb was born I have had periods of life where I got a handle on it. I could manage to control what went in and what went out. I have watched the scale go down, and then right back up. This is the story of my life. I don't need food to keep me safe anymore, I have lots of things that make me happier than eating, yet I am still doing this to myself. I don't think I have a desire to die, but that is exactly where I am heading if I can't take control of this. I want to look and feel good, but yet the food still goes in my mouth. I don't want Zeb's friends to tease him because his Mom is fat, but yet I still feed it. I have no idea why I can't give this thing up?
I was never one of those people who could have some of something. If it was donuts, I needed two or three, if it were chocolate bars, I needed more than one. If it were cake, well I would eat until it was gone if I could. So many times my mother would buy these things, and so many times I would just keep going back until it was all gone. It would call my name, literally. I would be in my bedroom, knowing that there were donuts in the cupboard, and I would just fixate myself on them. It was my drug of choice, still is. I am always chasing my first high, and no matter how much I eat I am never satisfied.
This year I feel is the year to change things. Up until now I have always done the exact same things and expected a different outcome each time. This year that is changing. Instead of dieting I am going to figure out my triggers, what makes me eat, and why I am so fixated on it. I am going to walk down paths I have not tried, study more, learn what I can about my addiction and see if I can get a handle on why I do the things I do. Part of that process is reading the book Women Food and God.
I heard on an episode of Oprah that this book changed the way Oprah felt about food. That it gave her an understanding on why she eats what she does, and shows her how to eat to stay alive, rather for just enjoyment.
I started reading it last night, and I have hope that this just might open my eyes to why I do what I do. I am going to post about this throughout this journey and I hope you will follow it with me. Your drug of choice my not be food, but what might help me, might help you too.
Here's to the journey!!
Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Run for the Cure
I am in no way a really big fan of Dr. Phil. I used to watch him when he was on Oprah, but I have never actually sat through one of his own shows. Having said that I have found a couple of the things he has said in the past has made me think. One of those things is that there are five pivotal points in your life that form who you become. I have thought about that statement for several years, and I do know that he might be right. I have discovered some of those points, but I can't say for sure I have discovered all five.
One of my pivotal points happened when I was pretty young, maybe 10 or 11. I was out and about with my Grandmother, as we usually did whenever we were together. She was a very active member of the St. Marys Friendship Center. She enjoyed the people there and she spent a great deal of her time driving members to and from the center as it was full of senior citizens who didn't drive, or no longer drove. On this particular day I remember walking into the center with her for my first time. It was a big plan building that I had seen my whole life and never been in, and I was surprised at how nice it was inside. They had spent lots of time decorating and making that ugly cement building look homely and comfortable. There were places to sit with a group and play cards, there was a piano for a impromptu sing-song, there were games and couches and it all looked very welcoming. After being in the building a few minutes out came this friendly woman who had a look of busy on her face, but was eager to wrap her arms around my Grandmother in welcome. My Grandmother introduced us, and I remember thinking what a nice lady, my Grandmother knows so many really nice woman. I did not know what impact this woman was going to have on my life at the time, but this meeting would mark one of the pivotal points in my life.
A few years later, just before my Grandmother was in her accident that would take her life, a friend of mine asked if I might be interested in joining a group. She explained it was a group called Pathfinders, and that I might enjoy it. I thought why not, my Monday nights were free, and it did sound like some fun, so I agreed.
I remember the first time I went to a Pathfinder meeting, I was a little nervous but excited and was glad to be doing something fun with my friend. I remember walking into the hall at the Church where the meetings took place and seeing alot of familiar faces milling around. It was fun knowing I was going to belong to such a group and I instantly felt welcome. As I was glancing around the room I discover a face that I had seen a few years earlier, that being the woman who ran the Friendship Center. I didn't remember her name, but I recognized her. She smiled when we walked in, and quickly came towards us welcoming us. She quickly called the group to order, and introduced herself. She started by saying "My name is Elizabeth Pearson, and you may call me Elizabeth or Mrs. P, whichever you prefer." She than had us go around the table introducing ourselves. I always hate this part of any new group, as I don't really like the spotlight, but I know it's what is expected so I always go along. I introduced myself and she followed that with, "oh any relation to Edna Fulcher?" I said "yes, my Grandmother" when she quickly responded with, "oh I do hope she recovers quickly and is back to herself soon, as she is a dear friend." She then told the group what had happened to my Grandmother, and gave me their very best. The meeting went on as planned and I had a great time. A couple of weeks later, after my Grandmother died, the talk around that table was so different. Elizabeth explained to the group what my Grandmother meant to her, and how she was going to very missed by her, and the whole community. This brought tears to my eyes, as I was still getting used to the idea of never having her in my life again. But at the same time those tears came, I also felt such pride that that was my Grandmother Elizabeth was talking about, and knew I came from greatness.
Over the course of the next four years this lady was going impact my life like no one had since my Grandmother.
One Monday night we arrived at the Pathfinder's meeting and were all asked to sit at the table for a talk. The other leader was there that night alone, Elizabeth was absent. Mrs. Davis explained to us that Elizabeth had been diagnosed with breast cancer and was going to have to endure many painful weeks of chemo and radiation and since her daughter was away at University and her son was home alone with her she was going to need helpers to come in once a week and help her with the tasks that she was not going to be able to do. I immediately volunteered as well as another girl named Sheri. I knew by volunteering I was going to have to make sure I was there every week, and I also knew that this was something really scary for me, but I did it anyway. Sheri and I decided that we would go by every Thursday night after school together and work until we finished what she needed done.
At first this was scary, but after a couple of weeks things calmed down and I settled into the weekly visits. Sometimes we would arrive and she would have a list of thing for us to do. We would get busy vacuuming or ironing or whatever else she might want us to do and then we would be on our way, but other times all she wanted us to do was sit and talk. I enjoyed these nights the most. Those nights that we sat and talked were like no talks I had ever had with anyone up until that point in my life. Elizabeth was going through a great deal physically, and also mentally. It was a hard thing to look death in the eye and keep fighting. There were days I'm sure that she was not sure she was going to win, and it was those days that she needed to get some of that out in the open, just to take them off her shoulders. She would talk about how scared she was, how she was afraid of what would happen to her children, to their life, how she had had great plans and needed the time to do the things on her list, how she felt that she was running out of time. She also talked about how precious life is, and how we should never take one day for granted. How we should cherish the people in our lives and not let time go by without them knowing how we felt about them. She shared how a hug can change any situation, and a kind word could change the outcome for some people. She loved life, she was going to fight, and she was planning on having a long and very fulfilling one. She was in a great deal of pain, and felt very unsettled most of the time, but no matter how she felt she was always welcoming and glad to see us. I know it must have been difficult for her some days to even get up off the couch, but she always walked us to the door and wrapped her arms around us before we left. Each week we all became closer and closer to each other, Sheri and I even became close friends in the process. Some nights after leaving Elizabeth's home Sheri and I would talk all the way home, and stand on the street corner for another hour talking endlessly about ourselves, or dreams, our feelings. I really made two very close friends through this process.
Eventually Elizabeth got better and no longer needed those weekly visits to do work, but she wanted to continue seeing us so we all promised that we would come by often and have some tea and catch up. And we did. The years that followed were like any other years, filled with good things and bad and Elizabeth walked along with us through it all. She had become my second mother, and I valued her so much in my life. My relationship with my own mother had been a less than perfect one, something I may touch on in another entry, she and I had never been close. Elizabeth filled in the gaps for me, she gave me the encouragement I lacked, she cared for me like only a mother can do and she supported my dreams without judgement. She took a very active role in my life and would until I was well into my 20's. I don't know what I would have done without her.
I am not sure if anyone really knows fully what we bring to others, even if those speak of it often. I am not sure if Elizabeth ever knew what she was to me. Her presence in my life certainly made me a better person, I wanted to be better for her. Her words of wisdom directed me down roads I would not have likely travelled if it weren't for her guidance and support. Her positive attitude and desire to achieve made me want to do the same with my life, and her devoted, caring heart made me a better friend.
We helped each other thought the death of her son, through my college years, through the breakup of her relationship with her boyfriend of almost twenty years, through countless disappointments, celebrations, birthdays and Christmas'. I remember on her 48 birthday filling my bedroom with more than 60 balloons and in the middle of the night attaching them to her front porch. The next morning I showed up on her doorstep to all those balloons and she said, it was you that did this. I told her I had and she said "it's not a special birthday, I am only 48" and I said every birthday is special after what you have had to endure. These were the things that built the foundation of one of the most meaningful relationships I ever had or ever will have. She was my foundation.
14 yrs after being diagnosed with breast cancer, cancer came back to call her name. This time it was in the lungs, and this time it was going to be a harder battle. She tried her very best, but did not win this time. She was never alone for one minute in that battle as I was just one of hundreds of women who battled right along with her, praying daily for her to be successful, praying that she would come back to the life she loved, but that was not what was in store for her.
Her name is Elizabeth Person, but I will always call her my friend.
For all of those who ran in the Run for the Cure today, I applaud you. For all those who struggle through this terrible, unforgiving disease, my heart and prayers are with you. For those of you who have loved ones enduring this disease, I ask that you be with them, support them, and give them a hug from me and Elizabeth.
One of my pivotal points happened when I was pretty young, maybe 10 or 11. I was out and about with my Grandmother, as we usually did whenever we were together. She was a very active member of the St. Marys Friendship Center. She enjoyed the people there and she spent a great deal of her time driving members to and from the center as it was full of senior citizens who didn't drive, or no longer drove. On this particular day I remember walking into the center with her for my first time. It was a big plan building that I had seen my whole life and never been in, and I was surprised at how nice it was inside. They had spent lots of time decorating and making that ugly cement building look homely and comfortable. There were places to sit with a group and play cards, there was a piano for a impromptu sing-song, there were games and couches and it all looked very welcoming. After being in the building a few minutes out came this friendly woman who had a look of busy on her face, but was eager to wrap her arms around my Grandmother in welcome. My Grandmother introduced us, and I remember thinking what a nice lady, my Grandmother knows so many really nice woman. I did not know what impact this woman was going to have on my life at the time, but this meeting would mark one of the pivotal points in my life.
A few years later, just before my Grandmother was in her accident that would take her life, a friend of mine asked if I might be interested in joining a group. She explained it was a group called Pathfinders, and that I might enjoy it. I thought why not, my Monday nights were free, and it did sound like some fun, so I agreed.
I remember the first time I went to a Pathfinder meeting, I was a little nervous but excited and was glad to be doing something fun with my friend. I remember walking into the hall at the Church where the meetings took place and seeing alot of familiar faces milling around. It was fun knowing I was going to belong to such a group and I instantly felt welcome. As I was glancing around the room I discover a face that I had seen a few years earlier, that being the woman who ran the Friendship Center. I didn't remember her name, but I recognized her. She smiled when we walked in, and quickly came towards us welcoming us. She quickly called the group to order, and introduced herself. She started by saying "My name is Elizabeth Pearson, and you may call me Elizabeth or Mrs. P, whichever you prefer." She than had us go around the table introducing ourselves. I always hate this part of any new group, as I don't really like the spotlight, but I know it's what is expected so I always go along. I introduced myself and she followed that with, "oh any relation to Edna Fulcher?" I said "yes, my Grandmother" when she quickly responded with, "oh I do hope she recovers quickly and is back to herself soon, as she is a dear friend." She then told the group what had happened to my Grandmother, and gave me their very best. The meeting went on as planned and I had a great time. A couple of weeks later, after my Grandmother died, the talk around that table was so different. Elizabeth explained to the group what my Grandmother meant to her, and how she was going to very missed by her, and the whole community. This brought tears to my eyes, as I was still getting used to the idea of never having her in my life again. But at the same time those tears came, I also felt such pride that that was my Grandmother Elizabeth was talking about, and knew I came from greatness.
Over the course of the next four years this lady was going impact my life like no one had since my Grandmother.
One Monday night we arrived at the Pathfinder's meeting and were all asked to sit at the table for a talk. The other leader was there that night alone, Elizabeth was absent. Mrs. Davis explained to us that Elizabeth had been diagnosed with breast cancer and was going to have to endure many painful weeks of chemo and radiation and since her daughter was away at University and her son was home alone with her she was going to need helpers to come in once a week and help her with the tasks that she was not going to be able to do. I immediately volunteered as well as another girl named Sheri. I knew by volunteering I was going to have to make sure I was there every week, and I also knew that this was something really scary for me, but I did it anyway. Sheri and I decided that we would go by every Thursday night after school together and work until we finished what she needed done.
At first this was scary, but after a couple of weeks things calmed down and I settled into the weekly visits. Sometimes we would arrive and she would have a list of thing for us to do. We would get busy vacuuming or ironing or whatever else she might want us to do and then we would be on our way, but other times all she wanted us to do was sit and talk. I enjoyed these nights the most. Those nights that we sat and talked were like no talks I had ever had with anyone up until that point in my life. Elizabeth was going through a great deal physically, and also mentally. It was a hard thing to look death in the eye and keep fighting. There were days I'm sure that she was not sure she was going to win, and it was those days that she needed to get some of that out in the open, just to take them off her shoulders. She would talk about how scared she was, how she was afraid of what would happen to her children, to their life, how she had had great plans and needed the time to do the things on her list, how she felt that she was running out of time. She also talked about how precious life is, and how we should never take one day for granted. How we should cherish the people in our lives and not let time go by without them knowing how we felt about them. She shared how a hug can change any situation, and a kind word could change the outcome for some people. She loved life, she was going to fight, and she was planning on having a long and very fulfilling one. She was in a great deal of pain, and felt very unsettled most of the time, but no matter how she felt she was always welcoming and glad to see us. I know it must have been difficult for her some days to even get up off the couch, but she always walked us to the door and wrapped her arms around us before we left. Each week we all became closer and closer to each other, Sheri and I even became close friends in the process. Some nights after leaving Elizabeth's home Sheri and I would talk all the way home, and stand on the street corner for another hour talking endlessly about ourselves, or dreams, our feelings. I really made two very close friends through this process.
Eventually Elizabeth got better and no longer needed those weekly visits to do work, but she wanted to continue seeing us so we all promised that we would come by often and have some tea and catch up. And we did. The years that followed were like any other years, filled with good things and bad and Elizabeth walked along with us through it all. She had become my second mother, and I valued her so much in my life. My relationship with my own mother had been a less than perfect one, something I may touch on in another entry, she and I had never been close. Elizabeth filled in the gaps for me, she gave me the encouragement I lacked, she cared for me like only a mother can do and she supported my dreams without judgement. She took a very active role in my life and would until I was well into my 20's. I don't know what I would have done without her.
I am not sure if anyone really knows fully what we bring to others, even if those speak of it often. I am not sure if Elizabeth ever knew what she was to me. Her presence in my life certainly made me a better person, I wanted to be better for her. Her words of wisdom directed me down roads I would not have likely travelled if it weren't for her guidance and support. Her positive attitude and desire to achieve made me want to do the same with my life, and her devoted, caring heart made me a better friend.
We helped each other thought the death of her son, through my college years, through the breakup of her relationship with her boyfriend of almost twenty years, through countless disappointments, celebrations, birthdays and Christmas'. I remember on her 48 birthday filling my bedroom with more than 60 balloons and in the middle of the night attaching them to her front porch. The next morning I showed up on her doorstep to all those balloons and she said, it was you that did this. I told her I had and she said "it's not a special birthday, I am only 48" and I said every birthday is special after what you have had to endure. These were the things that built the foundation of one of the most meaningful relationships I ever had or ever will have. She was my foundation.
14 yrs after being diagnosed with breast cancer, cancer came back to call her name. This time it was in the lungs, and this time it was going to be a harder battle. She tried her very best, but did not win this time. She was never alone for one minute in that battle as I was just one of hundreds of women who battled right along with her, praying daily for her to be successful, praying that she would come back to the life she loved, but that was not what was in store for her.
Her name is Elizabeth Person, but I will always call her my friend.
For all of those who ran in the Run for the Cure today, I applaud you. For all those who struggle through this terrible, unforgiving disease, my heart and prayers are with you. For those of you who have loved ones enduring this disease, I ask that you be with them, support them, and give them a hug from me and Elizabeth.
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Am I crazy??
I don't understand people sometimes. Some of the things they do just drives me insane. I have to wonder where they came from, and more importantly where we are going. I am not one to complain, but I need to know if I am the only one that feels this way. I guess for you to know if you are like me, you need to know what I am talking about. Okay so here are a few things that I just have to rub my head and think, am I the only one who thinks this is crazy.
I can't understand why anyone would want to go around all the time complaining?? I don't get why you find the bad in absolutely everything?? This is not how it really is, so why is it that there are people out there that just focus on the terrible, and feel the need to pass that on your way when you are kind enough to give them time. It drives me nutty when people are on facebook everyday, and insist on complaining about everything and everyone. Is that what facebook is for? Do we need to hear how you hate the sun, the rain, the clouds, the way the cat eats, the way your spouse breaths in at night, the way your son smiles?? I don't care if that is the way you feel, I just don't know why you feel the need to share that with everyone on the news feed.
The other side of the coin is those that tell you constantly that everything in their lives is perfect! No ones life is perfect, at least no one I have ever met. I can understand that there are those who feel the need to focus on the positive and not on the negative, but the people who don't put any thought or consideration on the negatives are the ones who I don't get. For me, if you are someone I would be telling things to, I want to be real. The good the bad and everything in between are important, and if I am going to share with you you are going to get it all.
I can't stand women who for some reason decide that when they get married all of a sudden they can't make a decision about anything without checking with their husband first. It's like the minute they got married they all of a sudden stop being an independent woman, and become just a follower of her husband. I know of a woman who before she was married was a happy go lucky female with a group of friends and a willingness to have a very social life. After she got married her friends couldn't come by anymore, not without arranging it in advance and having it approved. That woman has given up everything that made her her, and is now just a reflection of her husbands face. What he likes doing is what we do, where he wants to go is where we go, if he hates it so do I, if he says no it's no. I don't understand anyone who would want to do that to themselves, but more importantly I don't know why you would marry a person because of who they are and then change everything about them so that their only purpose on the earth is to please you. Am I crazy to think that?? Maybe that's the feminist in me.
I don't understand people who go around talking about others and those that they talk to first, believe everything they are being told without giving a benefit of the doubt, and that they think that the people who talk to them about others aren't talking about them to everyone else. Gossip is a dangerous thing, and gets everyone into trouble eventually. I know this from experience. There was a time when I was drawn into a group of people who's sole purpose on earth was to talk about each other, to each other. They would get you alone, and talk all about person A and then go to person A and talk all about what you told them. It was a never ending circle. The thing about this is you sometimes get caught up in it, even when you are really not that type of person. I know I did. I know I said things to people that I should never have shared, and that I have been told things I should never have told to others, but it's like this uncontrollable force, making you go along with the crowd. I am grateful I am no longer in any sort of crowd like that, and that I have learned my lessons.
I don't understand people who go around hurting others just because they can. You know the ones, those that never out grew high school and continue to act like they did back then. I have been witness to grown women going about things like they were still in high school. They resort to lying rather than getting caught up in their passive aggressive behaviour. I had someone use my son to get back at me. She decided to put my kid in a room at daycare under the supervision of someone I said I didn't want him to be with on Valentines day, during the time the kids were opening their treat bags. My son did not have one in that room to open. This as you can imagine made my kid cry. This was told to me by the worker who's room my son was sent to, and she only told me because she said she felt bad for Zeb to have to sit there while every other child were opening up their candy and he had none. This all happened because I reacted to something that she had done a couple of weeks earlier and she didn't like my reaction. The crazy thing is that when I found out what had happened and questioned her about it, she told me that I had been told a lie by the other person and that that other person was just trying to cause problems. For one minute I believed her, but then I went and checked the attendance record and found out that it was not a lie, and the attendance record didn't lie. What shocked me the most is this was someone who I considered a good friend and that her explanation for the situation was that other worker was trying to cause problems.....when it was her that was trying to cause the problems. I have a hard time understanding people who would choose to hurt a child rather than address how they were hurt. I don't get it??? Maybe it's just me.
People who go through life thinking that they are perfect and no one else out there has any importance at all. I have come across so many people like that. The theatre world is full of people like that. They give so little care for others that they actually think that whatever they do, and whatever they say are so profound that we should all sit back and be in awe of them? Give me a break. No one is above anyone in my world, and I think going through life never giving to others will come back and bite you. Why are there so many of them??
I can't handle women who tear down other women. This seems to be so prevalent that it's scary. I am a woman who always takes the woman's side, who lifts them up, and wants women to be all that they can be. I feel that all women should encourage other woman, why wouldn't we, doesn't it affect all of us. If one of us is successful, don't we all reap the benefits of that? I don't think men are bad or evil, I just feel that men hold us down, and if we don't work together to stop this we will never be equal. I worked for a man who paid people all different amounts no matter how long you had worked for him. I saw men, who did the same job as me afford homes, raise families, and not seem to struggle at all. I on the other hand couldn't afford rent and a car payment, and forget about ever going out to dinner or to a movie with a friend. Forget about cable, or telephone. This is the way he ran his business. If you were female, which the majority were that worked there, you just would be put aside and the men made all the advancements. I didn't work there long, but still feel for those women who do. This is one of the reasons why I love unions!!
What ever happened to helping out others. I offer to help whenever I see the need arise, and there are times when I think the people I am offering it to think I'm crazy. Helping others has become so rare that we judge people who do it. There was a time when we all worked together. When it really did take a village to raise a child, now it's mind your own business and keep your distance. Neighbours don't help neighbours anymore. People just take care of their needs and don't think of others. The other thing I have noticed is that people are much more likely to help others by means of charities or giving money to causes, but if someone they know needs help they are reluctant to do it. When we hear about someone who is suffering from some major illness and they need money for treatment we are more than willing to pull out the dollars to help. When we hear about a family who have lost everything because of a fire, and they have no insurance we are eager to get stuff together to give them, along with our cash. But if you hear about a friend or family member who is having a hard time financially, we think well we are all having a hard time, and don't do anything to help. I live my life in a way that I would give my last penny if it would help someone, and have many times. I don't wait for someone to ask me for help, I offer whenever I think the need might be there. Isn't that the way it's suppose to be? I thought we were all for one, and one for all. I thought we were humans, who cared about each others survival on this earth. There was a time when families used to live together, two or three generations so that they could help each other. My father was raised in a home where his grandparents lived with them. This was so that his grandparents could receive help from their children and grandchildren, and they contributed their home so as to reduce the expenses of their kids. Some groups of people still do that. Have you ever wondered why most of the convenience stores are owned by people from the middle east or Asia, because they help each other get into it....so they all prosper. Chinese families still all live under one roof, so that there is always someone home for the children and so that the aging parents have financial security provided by their children. There are large organizations that form together to help their people, such as the Italians and Dutch. They work together for the better good of all. Look at the Amish people. They still live in a world where the village works together to raise the children and to make the money needed to farm the land and make their lives better. If a fire burns down an Amish barn, in two days a new one is built. If someone looses a child, the entire community gathers to pay their respects and provide food and hands to do chores. This is the way it used to be in all sects of society... I for one wish it was still like that.
These are just some of the things I wonder about, wish were different, and wish I could change. I can't change how others feel or behave, but I can change what I do. I will raise Zeb to offer help whenever he sees it might be needed. To open doors to those walking around him. To help someone who has fallen and could use a hand. To treat others how he wants them to treat him. And above all to be kind in every word and action. That is what I can do to change the world, how about you??
I can't understand why anyone would want to go around all the time complaining?? I don't get why you find the bad in absolutely everything?? This is not how it really is, so why is it that there are people out there that just focus on the terrible, and feel the need to pass that on your way when you are kind enough to give them time. It drives me nutty when people are on facebook everyday, and insist on complaining about everything and everyone. Is that what facebook is for? Do we need to hear how you hate the sun, the rain, the clouds, the way the cat eats, the way your spouse breaths in at night, the way your son smiles?? I don't care if that is the way you feel, I just don't know why you feel the need to share that with everyone on the news feed.
The other side of the coin is those that tell you constantly that everything in their lives is perfect! No ones life is perfect, at least no one I have ever met. I can understand that there are those who feel the need to focus on the positive and not on the negative, but the people who don't put any thought or consideration on the negatives are the ones who I don't get. For me, if you are someone I would be telling things to, I want to be real. The good the bad and everything in between are important, and if I am going to share with you you are going to get it all.
I can't stand women who for some reason decide that when they get married all of a sudden they can't make a decision about anything without checking with their husband first. It's like the minute they got married they all of a sudden stop being an independent woman, and become just a follower of her husband. I know of a woman who before she was married was a happy go lucky female with a group of friends and a willingness to have a very social life. After she got married her friends couldn't come by anymore, not without arranging it in advance and having it approved. That woman has given up everything that made her her, and is now just a reflection of her husbands face. What he likes doing is what we do, where he wants to go is where we go, if he hates it so do I, if he says no it's no. I don't understand anyone who would want to do that to themselves, but more importantly I don't know why you would marry a person because of who they are and then change everything about them so that their only purpose on the earth is to please you. Am I crazy to think that?? Maybe that's the feminist in me.
I don't understand people who go around talking about others and those that they talk to first, believe everything they are being told without giving a benefit of the doubt, and that they think that the people who talk to them about others aren't talking about them to everyone else. Gossip is a dangerous thing, and gets everyone into trouble eventually. I know this from experience. There was a time when I was drawn into a group of people who's sole purpose on earth was to talk about each other, to each other. They would get you alone, and talk all about person A and then go to person A and talk all about what you told them. It was a never ending circle. The thing about this is you sometimes get caught up in it, even when you are really not that type of person. I know I did. I know I said things to people that I should never have shared, and that I have been told things I should never have told to others, but it's like this uncontrollable force, making you go along with the crowd. I am grateful I am no longer in any sort of crowd like that, and that I have learned my lessons.
I don't understand people who go around hurting others just because they can. You know the ones, those that never out grew high school and continue to act like they did back then. I have been witness to grown women going about things like they were still in high school. They resort to lying rather than getting caught up in their passive aggressive behaviour. I had someone use my son to get back at me. She decided to put my kid in a room at daycare under the supervision of someone I said I didn't want him to be with on Valentines day, during the time the kids were opening their treat bags. My son did not have one in that room to open. This as you can imagine made my kid cry. This was told to me by the worker who's room my son was sent to, and she only told me because she said she felt bad for Zeb to have to sit there while every other child were opening up their candy and he had none. This all happened because I reacted to something that she had done a couple of weeks earlier and she didn't like my reaction. The crazy thing is that when I found out what had happened and questioned her about it, she told me that I had been told a lie by the other person and that that other person was just trying to cause problems. For one minute I believed her, but then I went and checked the attendance record and found out that it was not a lie, and the attendance record didn't lie. What shocked me the most is this was someone who I considered a good friend and that her explanation for the situation was that other worker was trying to cause problems.....when it was her that was trying to cause the problems. I have a hard time understanding people who would choose to hurt a child rather than address how they were hurt. I don't get it??? Maybe it's just me.
People who go through life thinking that they are perfect and no one else out there has any importance at all. I have come across so many people like that. The theatre world is full of people like that. They give so little care for others that they actually think that whatever they do, and whatever they say are so profound that we should all sit back and be in awe of them? Give me a break. No one is above anyone in my world, and I think going through life never giving to others will come back and bite you. Why are there so many of them??
I can't handle women who tear down other women. This seems to be so prevalent that it's scary. I am a woman who always takes the woman's side, who lifts them up, and wants women to be all that they can be. I feel that all women should encourage other woman, why wouldn't we, doesn't it affect all of us. If one of us is successful, don't we all reap the benefits of that? I don't think men are bad or evil, I just feel that men hold us down, and if we don't work together to stop this we will never be equal. I worked for a man who paid people all different amounts no matter how long you had worked for him. I saw men, who did the same job as me afford homes, raise families, and not seem to struggle at all. I on the other hand couldn't afford rent and a car payment, and forget about ever going out to dinner or to a movie with a friend. Forget about cable, or telephone. This is the way he ran his business. If you were female, which the majority were that worked there, you just would be put aside and the men made all the advancements. I didn't work there long, but still feel for those women who do. This is one of the reasons why I love unions!!
What ever happened to helping out others. I offer to help whenever I see the need arise, and there are times when I think the people I am offering it to think I'm crazy. Helping others has become so rare that we judge people who do it. There was a time when we all worked together. When it really did take a village to raise a child, now it's mind your own business and keep your distance. Neighbours don't help neighbours anymore. People just take care of their needs and don't think of others. The other thing I have noticed is that people are much more likely to help others by means of charities or giving money to causes, but if someone they know needs help they are reluctant to do it. When we hear about someone who is suffering from some major illness and they need money for treatment we are more than willing to pull out the dollars to help. When we hear about a family who have lost everything because of a fire, and they have no insurance we are eager to get stuff together to give them, along with our cash. But if you hear about a friend or family member who is having a hard time financially, we think well we are all having a hard time, and don't do anything to help. I live my life in a way that I would give my last penny if it would help someone, and have many times. I don't wait for someone to ask me for help, I offer whenever I think the need might be there. Isn't that the way it's suppose to be? I thought we were all for one, and one for all. I thought we were humans, who cared about each others survival on this earth. There was a time when families used to live together, two or three generations so that they could help each other. My father was raised in a home where his grandparents lived with them. This was so that his grandparents could receive help from their children and grandchildren, and they contributed their home so as to reduce the expenses of their kids. Some groups of people still do that. Have you ever wondered why most of the convenience stores are owned by people from the middle east or Asia, because they help each other get into it....so they all prosper. Chinese families still all live under one roof, so that there is always someone home for the children and so that the aging parents have financial security provided by their children. There are large organizations that form together to help their people, such as the Italians and Dutch. They work together for the better good of all. Look at the Amish people. They still live in a world where the village works together to raise the children and to make the money needed to farm the land and make their lives better. If a fire burns down an Amish barn, in two days a new one is built. If someone looses a child, the entire community gathers to pay their respects and provide food and hands to do chores. This is the way it used to be in all sects of society... I for one wish it was still like that.
These are just some of the things I wonder about, wish were different, and wish I could change. I can't change how others feel or behave, but I can change what I do. I will raise Zeb to offer help whenever he sees it might be needed. To open doors to those walking around him. To help someone who has fallen and could use a hand. To treat others how he wants them to treat him. And above all to be kind in every word and action. That is what I can do to change the world, how about you??
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