Run for the Cure

I am in no way a really big fan of Dr. Phil. I used to watch him when he was on Oprah, but I have never actually sat through one of his own shows. Having said that I have found a couple of the things he has said in the past has made me think. One of those things is that there are five pivotal points in your life that form who you become. I have thought about that statement for several years, and I do know that he might be right. I have discovered some of those points, but I can't say for sure I have discovered all five.

One of my pivotal points happened when I was pretty young, maybe 10 or 11. I was out and about with my Grandmother, as we usually did whenever we were together. She was a very active member of the St. Marys Friendship Center. She enjoyed the people there and she spent a great deal of her time driving members to and from the center as it was full of senior citizens who didn't drive, or no longer drove. On this particular day I remember walking into the center with her for my first time. It was a big plan building that I had seen my whole life and never been in, and I was surprised at how nice it was inside. They had spent lots of time decorating and making that ugly cement building look homely and comfortable. There were places to sit with a group and play cards, there was a piano for a impromptu sing-song, there were games and couches and it all looked very welcoming. After being in the building a few minutes out came this friendly woman who had a look of busy on her face, but was eager to wrap her arms around my Grandmother in welcome. My Grandmother introduced us, and I remember thinking what a nice lady, my Grandmother knows so many really nice woman. I did not know what impact this woman was going to have on my life at the time, but this meeting would mark one of the pivotal points in my life.

A few years later, just before my Grandmother was in her accident that would take her life, a friend of mine asked if I might be interested in joining a group. She explained it was a group called Pathfinders, and that I might enjoy it. I thought why not, my Monday nights were free, and it did sound like some fun, so I agreed.

I remember the first time I went to a Pathfinder meeting, I was a little nervous but excited and was glad to be doing something fun with my friend. I remember walking into the hall at the Church where the meetings took place and seeing alot of familiar faces milling around. It was fun knowing I was going to belong to such a group and I instantly felt welcome. As I was glancing around the room I discover a face that I had seen a few years earlier, that being the woman who ran the Friendship Center. I didn't remember her name, but I recognized her. She smiled when we walked in, and quickly came towards us welcoming us. She quickly called the group to order, and introduced herself. She started by saying "My name is Elizabeth Pearson, and you may call me Elizabeth or Mrs. P, whichever you prefer." She than had us go around the table introducing ourselves. I always hate this part of any new group, as I don't really like the spotlight, but I know it's what is expected so I always go along. I introduced myself and she followed that with, "oh any relation to Edna Fulcher?" I said "yes, my Grandmother" when she quickly responded with, "oh I do hope she recovers quickly and is back to herself soon, as she is a dear friend." She then told the group what had happened to my Grandmother, and gave me their very best. The meeting went on as planned and I had a great time. A couple of weeks later, after my Grandmother died, the talk around that table was so different. Elizabeth explained to the group what my Grandmother meant to her, and how she was going to very missed by her, and the whole community. This brought tears to my eyes, as I was still getting used to the idea of never having her in my life again. But at the same time those tears came, I also felt such pride that that was my Grandmother Elizabeth was talking about, and knew I came from greatness.

Over the course of the next four years this lady was going impact my life like no one had since my Grandmother.

One Monday night we arrived at the Pathfinder's meeting and were all asked to sit at the table for a talk. The other leader was there that night alone, Elizabeth was absent. Mrs. Davis explained to us that Elizabeth had been diagnosed with breast cancer and was going to have to endure many painful weeks of chemo and radiation and since her daughter was away at University and her son was home alone with her she was going to need helpers to come in once a week and help her with the tasks that she was not going to be able to do. I immediately volunteered as well as another girl named Sheri. I knew by volunteering I was going to have to make sure I was there every week, and I also knew that this was something really scary for me, but I did it anyway. Sheri and I decided that we would go by every Thursday night after school together and work until we finished what she needed done.

At first this was scary, but after a couple of weeks things calmed down and I settled into the weekly visits. Sometimes we would arrive and she would have a list of thing for us to do. We would get busy vacuuming or ironing or whatever else she might want us to do and then we would be on our way, but other times all she wanted us to do was sit and talk. I enjoyed these nights the most. Those nights that we sat and talked were like no talks I had ever had with anyone up until that point in my life. Elizabeth was going through a great deal physically, and also mentally. It was a hard thing to look death in the eye and keep fighting. There were days I'm sure that she was not sure she was going to win, and it was those days that she needed to get some of that out in the open, just to take them off her shoulders. She would talk about how scared she was, how she was afraid of what would happen to her children, to their life, how she had had great plans and needed the time to do the things on her list, how she felt that she was running out of time. She also talked about how precious life is, and how we should never take one day for granted. How we should cherish the people in our lives and not let time go by without them knowing how we felt about them. She shared how a hug can change any situation, and a kind word could change the outcome for some people. She loved life, she was going to fight, and she was planning on having a long and very fulfilling one. She was in a great deal of pain, and felt very unsettled most of the time, but no matter how she felt she was always welcoming and glad to see us. I know it must have been difficult for her some days to even get up off the couch, but she always walked us to the door and wrapped her arms around us before we left. Each week we all became closer and closer to each other, Sheri and I even became close friends in the process. Some nights after leaving Elizabeth's home Sheri and I would talk all the way home, and stand on the street corner for another hour talking endlessly about ourselves, or dreams, our feelings. I really made two very close friends through this process.

Eventually Elizabeth got better and no longer needed those weekly visits to do work, but she wanted to continue seeing us so we all promised that we would come by often and have some tea and catch up. And we did. The years that followed were like any other years, filled with good things and bad and Elizabeth walked along with us through it all. She had become my second mother, and I valued her so much in my life. My relationship with my own mother had been a less than perfect one, something I may touch on in another entry, she and I had never been close. Elizabeth filled in the gaps for me, she gave me the encouragement I lacked, she cared for me like only a mother can do and she supported my dreams without judgement. She took a very active role in my life and would until I was well into my 20's. I don't know what I would have done without her.

I am not sure if anyone really knows fully what we bring to others, even if those speak of it often. I am not sure if Elizabeth ever knew what she was to me. Her presence in my life certainly made me a better person, I wanted to be better for her. Her words of wisdom directed me down roads I would not have likely travelled if it weren't for her guidance and support. Her positive attitude and desire to achieve made me want to do the same with my life, and her devoted, caring heart made me a better friend.

We helped each other thought the death of her son, through my college years, through the breakup of her relationship with her boyfriend of almost twenty years, through countless disappointments, celebrations, birthdays and Christmas'. I remember on her 48 birthday filling my bedroom with more than 60 balloons and in the middle of the night attaching them to her front porch. The next morning I showed up on her doorstep to all those balloons and she said, it was you that did this. I told her I had and she said "it's not a special birthday, I am only 48" and I said every birthday is special after what you have had to endure. These were the things that built the foundation of one of the most meaningful relationships I ever had or ever will have. She was my foundation.

14 yrs after being diagnosed with breast cancer, cancer came back to call her name. This time it was in the lungs, and this time it was going to be a harder battle. She tried her very best, but did not win this time. She was never alone for one minute in that battle as I was just one of hundreds of women who battled right along with her, praying daily for her to be successful, praying that she would come back to the life she loved, but that was not what was in store for her.

Her name is Elizabeth Person, but I will always call her my friend.

For all of those who ran in the Run for the Cure today, I applaud you. For all those who struggle through this terrible, unforgiving disease, my heart and prayers are with you. For those of you who have loved ones enduring this disease, I ask that you be with them, support them, and give them a hug from me and Elizabeth.