It's finally over....the end is here, I am glad I did it, but I'm glad to be done.
This is my second A-Z challenge and I have to say this year was more difficult than last year. I enjoyed it this year, but I found it more difficult to find the time to sit down and actually write something that anyone would want to read.....sometimes I didn't even feel like reading what I wrote so I apologize for some of the lame posts. It's surprisingly difficult to come up with interesting things to say in regards to a certain letter.
Writing everyday has made me realize how much I enjoy it, but I do like writing about what I feel like more than a certain thing...like a letter. I like to feel it, feel the need to share it, and sometimes that just didn't happen this year. Last year I had more to say, more time to say it, and it seemed to come easier. This year my life is busy...not that I am complaining at all...just is. I am grateful for the busyness of my life, I enjoy having places to go, people to talk to and not just sitting idle. I am truly loving life.
Today is my birthday....and no, you don't need to know how old I am, but I am old enough to know that life just gets better if you give it a chance. I can honestly remember times in my life where I truly believed there was no end to the misery, no end to the darkness, no end to the sadness that surrounded me like a warm blanket. I lived through those days, somehow, just putting my feet on the floor every morning, breathing in and out all day, and closing my eyes at night. There were plenty of nights I prayed the pain would stop, and woke up in the morning with it hitting me like a brick wall. I remember all of those times, and now I can truly appreciate how much has changed. For anyone who is going through difficult times, please take my word for it, it gets better. You just have to put your feet on the floor every morning, breath in and out all day long, and cuddle into the belief every night that things will eventually get better. You just have to believe, you just have to have faith. Life is definitely a roller coaster ride, sometime the ups and downs can be fun, sometimes they are more like a nightmare, but all of it makes us who we are.
I wouldn't trade one of those miserable nights for anything. I wouldn't want to not have lived through what I have had to live through to get to today, I needed every single moment of it to be where I am today, and where I am today is heaven on earth to me. It isn't perfect, it isn't always easy, but it's a whole lot better than it was. I look forward to the morning now, to the craziness, to the smiles I see as I walk into the kitchen. I love walking my son to school, watching him play on the school yard, having small chats with the other mother's as we watch. These woman have become so important to me, just those few minutes of connecting have become such sweet moments in my life now. I am blessed.
When things get bad, just hold on. Hold onto whatever and whoever you can....it's through that strength that you will make it, it's possible.
Thanks for reading my posts, and I hope you will stay tuned to what is to come...whatever that might be~
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Years
When I was a kid, one of the things I heard all the time was "enjoy your childhood, it's the best years of your life". I didn't get that then, but now that I have reached middle age I understand it a bit more.
The years fly by. When faced with a long term contract, like a mortgage or car loan you think, "wow, 5 yrs until this car is paid off is such a long time". The fact of the matter is, the older you get the faster it goes. School years just fly, sometimes I wonder where the time goes. My little boy is growing up so fast, it's really quite amazing.
Do I think the childhood years are the best of your life. Well, if you are talking about the fact that you get to have a great deal less stress, your worries are less, your fun is way more. However, I wouldn't trade this time of my life for anything.
Being middle age has it's advantages, and it's disadvantages. Yes, I have to think about things like, bills, dentists, clothes, school, raising a child right. But I also get to have total control over my life, I get to enjoy raising my child, I get to eat what I want, go where I want, sleep when I want, play when I want. As a child I remember someone else calling all of those shots and more. I always felt out of control, I felt like nothing was in my power. I love life now.
It's so important to live everyday like it's your last, not just because you might not get a tomorrow, but because time goes so fast. Tomorrow never comes, yesterday is just a memory, today is where it's at. Don't sweat the small things, and live for today!
The years fly by. When faced with a long term contract, like a mortgage or car loan you think, "wow, 5 yrs until this car is paid off is such a long time". The fact of the matter is, the older you get the faster it goes. School years just fly, sometimes I wonder where the time goes. My little boy is growing up so fast, it's really quite amazing.
Do I think the childhood years are the best of your life. Well, if you are talking about the fact that you get to have a great deal less stress, your worries are less, your fun is way more. However, I wouldn't trade this time of my life for anything.
Being middle age has it's advantages, and it's disadvantages. Yes, I have to think about things like, bills, dentists, clothes, school, raising a child right. But I also get to have total control over my life, I get to enjoy raising my child, I get to eat what I want, go where I want, sleep when I want, play when I want. As a child I remember someone else calling all of those shots and more. I always felt out of control, I felt like nothing was in my power. I love life now.
It's so important to live everyday like it's your last, not just because you might not get a tomorrow, but because time goes so fast. Tomorrow never comes, yesterday is just a memory, today is where it's at. Don't sweat the small things, and live for today!
Saturday, April 27, 2013
X
X. Well I haven't anything to write about regarding X. I guess I could talk about my X's...but I don't have anything really interesting to say about mine, they are all good people and I am still in contact with every single one of them. So I am left with very little left.
X is a letter in the alphabet that very few words start with, so what can you say??
It's been a beautiful day here in Southwestern Ontario, I have spent the entire day with the two most important people in my life enjoying the sun!! Weather is getting better, buds have fallen off the trees and the leaves are starting to show their faces, the tulips are getting strong and beautiful. Xcelent day!!
X is a letter in the alphabet that very few words start with, so what can you say??
It's been a beautiful day here in Southwestern Ontario, I have spent the entire day with the two most important people in my life enjoying the sun!! Weather is getting better, buds have fallen off the trees and the leaves are starting to show their faces, the tulips are getting strong and beautiful. Xcelent day!!
Weak People
I am not a weak person. I know this because I am alive today, if I had been weak I wouldn't have made it.
I know there are people out there that are weaker than others, some who live their lives as victims, instead of survivors. I don't think they are weak unless they are not interested in making their situation better, and if that's the case I have no energy for them. I run out of energy for them, but they come into my life for a reason. I have found that through these types of people I learn so much about myself. They teach me just how strong I am, they teach me just how self sufficient I am! It's through these people that I have learned just how truly blessed I am, and grateful for who I am.
We all have things in our lives we have to overcome, I have had my share believe me. There have been times where I needed some help from a trained professional, and other time where I have used the skills those trained professionals have taught me to move beyond the situations in a healthy productive way.
We all have people in our lives who think their soul purpose in life is to drain the life out of those around them. They insist on only looking at the bad, no matter how many positives you try to point out. They insist that nothing is going to change, it's out of their control, despite all of the solutions you point out. They don't hear anything, they don't do anything, and they wont talk about anything else...it's so draining. I have learned that these people love their misery more than they love picking themselves up and being capable people, they don't need me!
Having issues in your life, and having a hard time moving past them doesn't make you weak if you, in fact, try very hard to find the tools to get through it. Being weak is knowing there's a problem and doing nothing to help your involvement in that problem.
Facing fears, jumping in the deep end, letting go and throwing your hands in the air while the roller coaster of life is descending, these are ways in which we show our strength. Strong people are survivors, they live with an optimism knowing they can get through anything the world throws at them, these are the people I am most drawn to, the ones I like to fill my life with. They inspire me, they challenge me to try harder, they give me strength just by example. They are who I want to be, and try to be daily. I am proud to say that I am strong, sensitive, caring and loving. I am proud to say that although I cry, it's my strength that allows me to do so, knowing that the tears are just a release, and not a symbol of weakness.
When life gets hard, and it always does no matter who you are, dig in, work through it, lean on the ones who love you and pick yourself up. This is strength!
I know there are people out there that are weaker than others, some who live their lives as victims, instead of survivors. I don't think they are weak unless they are not interested in making their situation better, and if that's the case I have no energy for them. I run out of energy for them, but they come into my life for a reason. I have found that through these types of people I learn so much about myself. They teach me just how strong I am, they teach me just how self sufficient I am! It's through these people that I have learned just how truly blessed I am, and grateful for who I am.
We all have things in our lives we have to overcome, I have had my share believe me. There have been times where I needed some help from a trained professional, and other time where I have used the skills those trained professionals have taught me to move beyond the situations in a healthy productive way.
We all have people in our lives who think their soul purpose in life is to drain the life out of those around them. They insist on only looking at the bad, no matter how many positives you try to point out. They insist that nothing is going to change, it's out of their control, despite all of the solutions you point out. They don't hear anything, they don't do anything, and they wont talk about anything else...it's so draining. I have learned that these people love their misery more than they love picking themselves up and being capable people, they don't need me!
Having issues in your life, and having a hard time moving past them doesn't make you weak if you, in fact, try very hard to find the tools to get through it. Being weak is knowing there's a problem and doing nothing to help your involvement in that problem.
Facing fears, jumping in the deep end, letting go and throwing your hands in the air while the roller coaster of life is descending, these are ways in which we show our strength. Strong people are survivors, they live with an optimism knowing they can get through anything the world throws at them, these are the people I am most drawn to, the ones I like to fill my life with. They inspire me, they challenge me to try harder, they give me strength just by example. They are who I want to be, and try to be daily. I am proud to say that I am strong, sensitive, caring and loving. I am proud to say that although I cry, it's my strength that allows me to do so, knowing that the tears are just a release, and not a symbol of weakness.
When life gets hard, and it always does no matter who you are, dig in, work through it, lean on the ones who love you and pick yourself up. This is strength!
Thursday, April 25, 2013
Value Menu
Do you remember when Wendy's used to have the 99 cent value menu?? I don't know, maybe they still do, I can tell you I sure took advantage of that thing!
When I was pregnant with my son I was working all day cleaning houses and doing Theatre at night. It was non stop and very busy, so the value menu came in handy more often than it didn't. I know, how unhealthy, but really eating candy bars would have been worse.
I loved fast food of all sorts. McDonald's and I were such good friends, I could kill a McChicken like no other...and do miss them so much. I loved their fries, who doesn't? The best fries in the world as far as I'm concerned. Nothing really beat that value menu at Wendy's though. You could go there, get 5 things and only pay 5 dollars.....best value on the planet. I think I had everything on that menu at some point, it's all good. Oh and to finish off the meal with a frosty, now that's just heaven in a cup!!
Live changes, you grow up, specially after you have grown out like I did. I know that what I did was not healthy, but healthy costs so much more. I know there are people out there that will make the argument that healthy can be done on a budget, but they just can't beat the value menu. Buying veggies and fruit, enough to last a week breaks the bank. It does!!
Imagine how much money you would have in your bank account if food was free. Imagine how much more you could do if you didn't have to pay so much at the grocery store. For us, and there are two adults and one 8 yr old child, we spend 500.00 a month on the bulk of our groceries. Then we spend more on the weekly milk, bread and odds and ends that we also have to buy. The price of food has just gotten out of hand. I am tired of it.
We don't go to the value menu anymore, in fact we don't go out for meals much at all anymore. I am glad that we have made that change, and for the most part I don't miss it, but I do get tired of cooking all the time. I sometimes feel like I would just like to go drive thru and buy up enough for us, but that would just be wrong.
When I was pregnant with my son I was working all day cleaning houses and doing Theatre at night. It was non stop and very busy, so the value menu came in handy more often than it didn't. I know, how unhealthy, but really eating candy bars would have been worse.
I loved fast food of all sorts. McDonald's and I were such good friends, I could kill a McChicken like no other...and do miss them so much. I loved their fries, who doesn't? The best fries in the world as far as I'm concerned. Nothing really beat that value menu at Wendy's though. You could go there, get 5 things and only pay 5 dollars.....best value on the planet. I think I had everything on that menu at some point, it's all good. Oh and to finish off the meal with a frosty, now that's just heaven in a cup!!
Live changes, you grow up, specially after you have grown out like I did. I know that what I did was not healthy, but healthy costs so much more. I know there are people out there that will make the argument that healthy can be done on a budget, but they just can't beat the value menu. Buying veggies and fruit, enough to last a week breaks the bank. It does!!
Imagine how much money you would have in your bank account if food was free. Imagine how much more you could do if you didn't have to pay so much at the grocery store. For us, and there are two adults and one 8 yr old child, we spend 500.00 a month on the bulk of our groceries. Then we spend more on the weekly milk, bread and odds and ends that we also have to buy. The price of food has just gotten out of hand. I am tired of it.
We don't go to the value menu anymore, in fact we don't go out for meals much at all anymore. I am glad that we have made that change, and for the most part I don't miss it, but I do get tired of cooking all the time. I sometimes feel like I would just like to go drive thru and buy up enough for us, but that would just be wrong.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Undo
You can't undo some things you do. Even though you would like to.
If you are anything like me, there are things in your life that you would like to undo. Things I have said, things I have done, people I have let into my life, situations I have gotten myself into. Once it's done, it's done. I wish we were given some "Undo" coupons in life, then just after you do something you know you shouldn't have you can use a coupon and it's all undone.
Words are permanent, you can't take back the things you say...so choose them wisely. Remember to always say exactly what you mean, and nothing more.
Your actions have permanent consequences, you can't take them back no matter what you say or do. Choose your actions carefully. I have a hard time with this, as I tend to over react to some things and end up reacting in a inappropriate way. Now I have learned to sleep on it, if I feel the same way in the morning than I react. It's sometimes impossible to do that, but when I can I do.
You can apologize, yes, if you do it right and the person you are apologizing is reasonable, then that might help the situation but it will never change what you did. A good apology has three parts. Say you are sorry, then say it is all your fault, and then ask how you can make it better. Without all three then it really isn't a sincere apology. Most people expect that others will do things over time that will not sit well with them, so don't be afraid of making mistakes, just don't set out to hurt others....you are going to do it eventually anyway.
If you are anything like me, there are things in your life that you would like to undo. Things I have said, things I have done, people I have let into my life, situations I have gotten myself into. Once it's done, it's done. I wish we were given some "Undo" coupons in life, then just after you do something you know you shouldn't have you can use a coupon and it's all undone.
Words are permanent, you can't take back the things you say...so choose them wisely. Remember to always say exactly what you mean, and nothing more.
Your actions have permanent consequences, you can't take them back no matter what you say or do. Choose your actions carefully. I have a hard time with this, as I tend to over react to some things and end up reacting in a inappropriate way. Now I have learned to sleep on it, if I feel the same way in the morning than I react. It's sometimes impossible to do that, but when I can I do.
You can apologize, yes, if you do it right and the person you are apologizing is reasonable, then that might help the situation but it will never change what you did. A good apology has three parts. Say you are sorry, then say it is all your fault, and then ask how you can make it better. Without all three then it really isn't a sincere apology. Most people expect that others will do things over time that will not sit well with them, so don't be afraid of making mistakes, just don't set out to hurt others....you are going to do it eventually anyway.
Tuesday, April 23, 2013
Theatre
I love musical Theatre, I always have.
When I was a young girl I volunteered, through my Pathfinder group, at all of the productions in my small home town. I remember seeing "Annie Get Your Gun" and "South Pacific" just to name a couple. These were good, but I knew there had to be more to musical theatre than those old standards. Then one day I was asked to help with the town's production of "Fiddler on the Roof" and I was hooked, line and sinker.
Later, as an adult I worked at a musical Theatre in Houston Texas. It was a small company, but the size didn't have anything on the talent. They were a talented group of people, and the shows they put on reflected that. I was able to do many things while working there, everything from principal dresser to stage management and I even acted in a couple of shows myself. I loved the work, I loved what I did, more than any job I had ever had.
Over those years working there I was able to see many, many different musicals. I would have to say that my all time favorite was "Parade", by Jason Robert Brown. This particular show had been on Broadway, but didn't have much of a life there. For me it's the best musical ever made. I loved the story, it had me from the beginning to the end. If you don't know the story of Leo Frank you should.
Mr. Leo Frank was a young professional man who was from New York, but married a small town girl from Georgia. Leo was meek, quiet and not at all someone you would think would ever be accused of what he was, in fact, accused of. He maintained his innocence, and did whatever it took to convince everyone, including his non-believing wife of it. When there was finally a light at the end of his very long tunnel the unspeakable happened. Something that could only happen in the south to a Jewish man.
The story is timeless, even though it deals with attitudes that do not reflect that of most people today. You can identify with him, with his plight, and with the way in which his wife finally comes to his side and stands by him! I just love this musical.
A few years ago we went to New York. We had planned on seeing two musicals while there, and we chose "Sweeney Todd" and "The Snow Show". Both were outstanding. Sweeney Todd is one of my favorites, I have had the opportunity to see it several times. The Broadway production was definitely enhanced by Patti Lupone as Mrs. Lovett and Micheal Cerveris as Todd. However, I really loved Slava's Snowshow. This is an experience performance. There are no words, only loveable clowns (no, not the scary kind) and a great deal of snow. I have never experienced theatre like this, and will likely never again. This show was off Broadway, but so should have been right there among all the other great productions. It is no longer in New York. It is currently touring all over the world so if you get a chance to see the "Snowshow" do, you will not be disappointed.
My son loves theatre as well....the apple doesn't fall from and all that. His love is much more intense than I would have ever expected. I thought he would love it, but his is just driven by it. His drive is very contagious, and sure makes getting him to the next best thing very important to us. I hope he always has this love, there really isn't anything like live theatre.
If you haven't gone in a while, go buy a ticket and get out there. Feel the excitement...
When I was a young girl I volunteered, through my Pathfinder group, at all of the productions in my small home town. I remember seeing "Annie Get Your Gun" and "South Pacific" just to name a couple. These were good, but I knew there had to be more to musical theatre than those old standards. Then one day I was asked to help with the town's production of "Fiddler on the Roof" and I was hooked, line and sinker.
Later, as an adult I worked at a musical Theatre in Houston Texas. It was a small company, but the size didn't have anything on the talent. They were a talented group of people, and the shows they put on reflected that. I was able to do many things while working there, everything from principal dresser to stage management and I even acted in a couple of shows myself. I loved the work, I loved what I did, more than any job I had ever had.
Over those years working there I was able to see many, many different musicals. I would have to say that my all time favorite was "Parade", by Jason Robert Brown. This particular show had been on Broadway, but didn't have much of a life there. For me it's the best musical ever made. I loved the story, it had me from the beginning to the end. If you don't know the story of Leo Frank you should.
Mr. Leo Frank was a young professional man who was from New York, but married a small town girl from Georgia. Leo was meek, quiet and not at all someone you would think would ever be accused of what he was, in fact, accused of. He maintained his innocence, and did whatever it took to convince everyone, including his non-believing wife of it. When there was finally a light at the end of his very long tunnel the unspeakable happened. Something that could only happen in the south to a Jewish man.
The story is timeless, even though it deals with attitudes that do not reflect that of most people today. You can identify with him, with his plight, and with the way in which his wife finally comes to his side and stands by him! I just love this musical.
A few years ago we went to New York. We had planned on seeing two musicals while there, and we chose "Sweeney Todd" and "The Snow Show". Both were outstanding. Sweeney Todd is one of my favorites, I have had the opportunity to see it several times. The Broadway production was definitely enhanced by Patti Lupone as Mrs. Lovett and Micheal Cerveris as Todd. However, I really loved Slava's Snowshow. This is an experience performance. There are no words, only loveable clowns (no, not the scary kind) and a great deal of snow. I have never experienced theatre like this, and will likely never again. This show was off Broadway, but so should have been right there among all the other great productions. It is no longer in New York. It is currently touring all over the world so if you get a chance to see the "Snowshow" do, you will not be disappointed.
My son loves theatre as well....the apple doesn't fall from and all that. His love is much more intense than I would have ever expected. I thought he would love it, but his is just driven by it. His drive is very contagious, and sure makes getting him to the next best thing very important to us. I hope he always has this love, there really isn't anything like live theatre.
If you haven't gone in a while, go buy a ticket and get out there. Feel the excitement...
Monday, April 22, 2013
Smell
I am constantly reading little sayings on facebook. Some of them I really find inspirational, some I find annoying, but the ones that have to do with not living in the past make me question what they really mean. Do they mean, don't live in the past, meaning don't only think of the past, or do they mean forget the past and just live in the day to day. For some of us forgetting the past is more difficult than one would think, sometimes the past come back to haunt you when you least expect it.
For any of you who read my blog regularly know by now that I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I was abused by many different people in my childhood. The son of a family friend started abusing me when I was 5, and continued until I was 9, another family friend abused me when I was 10 and a family member abused me when I was 12. Yes, it's very true that those of us who were abused have this sign on our forehead that only abusers can see, hence the multiple times by various people. But really, once a child is abused it is easier for abusers to find those children as they have an ability to get to them easier. Once you have been abused you just think that that's all that you are worth and it continues. It's a breaking of innocence, it destroys who you were intended to be, and it forever changes you.
I don't live in the past for the most part. What happened to me as a child has been discussed, worked through, analyzed and broken down, and has also been laid to rest...for the most part. Yes, there are lingering things that come up from time to time, things I deal with especially when dealing with my own child. I can honestly say that there isn't much that I allow my son to do without thinking about his safety and who is around. I don't trust people, I don't let people into our lives easily, and certainly don't want to ever put my own child into the same situations I found myself in all those years ago. I think before doing anything, and I question when maybe most wouldn't, these are just some of the lasting effects of being abused. These are the struggles I encounter on a daily basis, but I certainly don't let it stop me from living my life.
There are things that will bring you right back to the abuse, things you don't think about, you don't look out for, things you can't control. Smell is a big trigger for me. I will smell certain things and I am right back there....right back to being a little girl enduring the most disgusting things all over again. When I smell peanut butter I am there, when I smell the all too familiar smell of a regular teenage boys room, I am there. When I come across the smell of a certain perfume, the one I used to cover up the disgusting smell in the bathroom of a family friends home after enduring the unspeakable just moments before. The smell of exhaust coming from a snow mobile will bring me back to a certain incident, or the smell of cigarette smoke on someone's breath. These are all triggers for me, they are bring back the past without me willing it up.
Talking about living in the present is a wonderful notion for some, but for me I am constantly fighting what once was in today. There have been times raising my son where I have been pulled back. When he was 5, I was constantly reminded just how much my life changed at that age. He being 5 reminded me of who I was then, how much I was like him, and how much the abuse took all of what made me, me, away. It is just one more life long consequence of being a survivor.
Living for today is really important. I try desperately not to live at any other moment in my life, but what was once has made me who I am today and I have to acknowledge that and accept it. I am someone I am proud of, despite my many flaws, but it is what it is and I am okay with it all.
For any of you who read my blog regularly know by now that I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse. I was abused by many different people in my childhood. The son of a family friend started abusing me when I was 5, and continued until I was 9, another family friend abused me when I was 10 and a family member abused me when I was 12. Yes, it's very true that those of us who were abused have this sign on our forehead that only abusers can see, hence the multiple times by various people. But really, once a child is abused it is easier for abusers to find those children as they have an ability to get to them easier. Once you have been abused you just think that that's all that you are worth and it continues. It's a breaking of innocence, it destroys who you were intended to be, and it forever changes you.
I don't live in the past for the most part. What happened to me as a child has been discussed, worked through, analyzed and broken down, and has also been laid to rest...for the most part. Yes, there are lingering things that come up from time to time, things I deal with especially when dealing with my own child. I can honestly say that there isn't much that I allow my son to do without thinking about his safety and who is around. I don't trust people, I don't let people into our lives easily, and certainly don't want to ever put my own child into the same situations I found myself in all those years ago. I think before doing anything, and I question when maybe most wouldn't, these are just some of the lasting effects of being abused. These are the struggles I encounter on a daily basis, but I certainly don't let it stop me from living my life.
There are things that will bring you right back to the abuse, things you don't think about, you don't look out for, things you can't control. Smell is a big trigger for me. I will smell certain things and I am right back there....right back to being a little girl enduring the most disgusting things all over again. When I smell peanut butter I am there, when I smell the all too familiar smell of a regular teenage boys room, I am there. When I come across the smell of a certain perfume, the one I used to cover up the disgusting smell in the bathroom of a family friends home after enduring the unspeakable just moments before. The smell of exhaust coming from a snow mobile will bring me back to a certain incident, or the smell of cigarette smoke on someone's breath. These are all triggers for me, they are bring back the past without me willing it up.
Talking about living in the present is a wonderful notion for some, but for me I am constantly fighting what once was in today. There have been times raising my son where I have been pulled back. When he was 5, I was constantly reminded just how much my life changed at that age. He being 5 reminded me of who I was then, how much I was like him, and how much the abuse took all of what made me, me, away. It is just one more life long consequence of being a survivor.
Living for today is really important. I try desperately not to live at any other moment in my life, but what was once has made me who I am today and I have to acknowledge that and accept it. I am someone I am proud of, despite my many flaws, but it is what it is and I am okay with it all.
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Respect
If you are anything like me you have noticed the lack of respect as of late. It seems like no one really care's about treating people respectfully, unless it suits their purposes. I, for one, and getting a bit tired of it.
Raising a boy is difficult, if you have tried you know. I am not saying it's any more or less difficult than raising a girl, but I know nothing about raising a daughter, so I am only going to speak of what I know. We are always trying to teach him ways in which to act respectfully. It's no simple task, but we are up for the challenge.
Teaching a child to respectful starts with being respectful to your parents and to yourself. We have taught our son to show respect to others, and to himself. We have taught him to ask three questions when dealing with others. Question 1, Was it kind? Question 2, Was it safe, and finally Question 3, was it respectable? We have done this because we feel if he can answer yes to all three questions he is doing the right thing. Of course this is a work in progress, it always is when dealing with a child, but we are trying and that's what's important. For the most part our little guy does right by others more than he doesn't. Sure he makes mistakes, things he is not proud of, but with ever mistake an opportunity is opened.
People in general have lost the art of respect. When I was a kid I was told to respect my elders. That meant almost anyone with gray hair, and almost anyone older than 20. Well, for the most part we did that, only the daredevils ever talked back to a teacher, or a parent for that matter. Now, well we all know that kids talking back has become more normal than not. Parents have forgotten how important it is for their children to speak correctly to others. It really shows more about the parent than the child. I know for me, when I see a child talking back to their elders I know that speaks to how they are being raised.
Teaching a boy to open doors for other's is another thing we attempt to do regularly. He does a great job with that. We have taught him that he opens doors for all, not just females. I think it's important to show respect no matter what the sex is. If I had a daughter I would also teach her to open doors for others, it's just respectful. How many times do you come to a door and have the person in front just hurry in and not even so much as look behind. I know it happens to me often.
The other day I was on an elevator. It was just me, my partner and a man whom we did not know. When it came to get off at our floor the man pushed his way in front of us and hurried on his way. Both me and my partner looked at each other is disbelief. It's really gotten that bad out there folks.
You see disrespect on the roads daily. Everyone needs to get there a split second before everyone else no matter what it takes. I can't tell you how many times I have come up to construction and there are people who continue down the road until they can push in front of those who actually moved into the right lane. This drives me crazy, not just because it's rude and disrespectful, but it's dangerous as well. You get cut off in traffic all the time. It's just become a way of life nowadays. What ever happened to letting others go first. I just don't get why people feel more important than others in this respect. I just don't get why being in front is so important. Life isn't a race is it....it isn't for me. I think living like it a marathon is so much simpler than thinking it's some sort of sprint.
Respect is something that is earned?? Is it really, I don't think so. I really think that respect is something that is a given until proven otherwise. I really think if we were all just a little more respectable, more in tune to others around us, and actually gave a crap, we would really be in a better place. It sure would make your day go nicer, and you wouldn't have so many wrinkles and ulcers.
Raising a boy is difficult, if you have tried you know. I am not saying it's any more or less difficult than raising a girl, but I know nothing about raising a daughter, so I am only going to speak of what I know. We are always trying to teach him ways in which to act respectfully. It's no simple task, but we are up for the challenge.
Teaching a child to respectful starts with being respectful to your parents and to yourself. We have taught our son to show respect to others, and to himself. We have taught him to ask three questions when dealing with others. Question 1, Was it kind? Question 2, Was it safe, and finally Question 3, was it respectable? We have done this because we feel if he can answer yes to all three questions he is doing the right thing. Of course this is a work in progress, it always is when dealing with a child, but we are trying and that's what's important. For the most part our little guy does right by others more than he doesn't. Sure he makes mistakes, things he is not proud of, but with ever mistake an opportunity is opened.
People in general have lost the art of respect. When I was a kid I was told to respect my elders. That meant almost anyone with gray hair, and almost anyone older than 20. Well, for the most part we did that, only the daredevils ever talked back to a teacher, or a parent for that matter. Now, well we all know that kids talking back has become more normal than not. Parents have forgotten how important it is for their children to speak correctly to others. It really shows more about the parent than the child. I know for me, when I see a child talking back to their elders I know that speaks to how they are being raised.
Teaching a boy to open doors for other's is another thing we attempt to do regularly. He does a great job with that. We have taught him that he opens doors for all, not just females. I think it's important to show respect no matter what the sex is. If I had a daughter I would also teach her to open doors for others, it's just respectful. How many times do you come to a door and have the person in front just hurry in and not even so much as look behind. I know it happens to me often.
The other day I was on an elevator. It was just me, my partner and a man whom we did not know. When it came to get off at our floor the man pushed his way in front of us and hurried on his way. Both me and my partner looked at each other is disbelief. It's really gotten that bad out there folks.
You see disrespect on the roads daily. Everyone needs to get there a split second before everyone else no matter what it takes. I can't tell you how many times I have come up to construction and there are people who continue down the road until they can push in front of those who actually moved into the right lane. This drives me crazy, not just because it's rude and disrespectful, but it's dangerous as well. You get cut off in traffic all the time. It's just become a way of life nowadays. What ever happened to letting others go first. I just don't get why people feel more important than others in this respect. I just don't get why being in front is so important. Life isn't a race is it....it isn't for me. I think living like it a marathon is so much simpler than thinking it's some sort of sprint.
Respect is something that is earned?? Is it really, I don't think so. I really think that respect is something that is a given until proven otherwise. I really think if we were all just a little more respectable, more in tune to others around us, and actually gave a crap, we would really be in a better place. It sure would make your day go nicer, and you wouldn't have so many wrinkles and ulcers.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Questions
I have always loved asking difficult questions. Ask anyone who has ever know me well and they will tell you, "she always seems to ask the right questions, even though they are difficult ones, but very necessary". I have always been the kind of person who wants to know more.
As a kid I spent so much time around adults, more so than peers. My parents were either dragging me along to friends homes or those friends were at ours, and I was safest if I stayed in the company of the adults, so that's what I tried to do. They would talk about adult things, regardless of my presence, and I guess it was during those times that I began to ask difficult questions.
I remember feeling more grown up than most of the adults I was around, they all just seemed so shallow, so small. I wasn't like them, I wanted to know the answers, I wanted to talk about real things, get down to the meat and potatoes. I have been that way ever since.
Over the years I have shared many secrets with friends, and they have shared many with me. I have never been one to just sit there and hear what they had to say and leave it there, I have always asked them the questions that have made them think. I think the reason I do this is so that they might see why they are the way they are, or maybe to better understand their motivation. I also need to know details. It's just in me to get the whole story, something lacking in today's world for the most part. I can't tell you how many times I have had friend come to me and say, "you know when you asked that question it kind of made me mad, but once I thought about it and realized the answer I was glad you asked it".
I think in today's world we sit back and not really care about one another. We try very hard to not get too invested in people, certainly don't want to be too intimate with others. We tend to just go through life having inconsequential conversations with 90% of the people we come across, and never truly share. I enjoy those conversations that get down to the meat, I like knowing how things really made you feel. I don't do it to be nosy, I do it because I like to understand it better, to understand the person I am speaking to better, to build a stronger bond through trust and understanding.
Questions are so powerful, sometimes more powerful than the answers. I think, sometimes, that the right questions bring out the best behaviors. I know in my life if the right questions had never been asked, I would never have survived my childhood. The right people asked enough to know, and enough to make me feel close. Questions can save a persons life, they can open doors that may have forever been closed, they can shed light on subjects that could have been forever in the dark. Questions make us human, questions make us connected. Don't ever stop asking questions, they are very powerful!
As a kid I spent so much time around adults, more so than peers. My parents were either dragging me along to friends homes or those friends were at ours, and I was safest if I stayed in the company of the adults, so that's what I tried to do. They would talk about adult things, regardless of my presence, and I guess it was during those times that I began to ask difficult questions.
I remember feeling more grown up than most of the adults I was around, they all just seemed so shallow, so small. I wasn't like them, I wanted to know the answers, I wanted to talk about real things, get down to the meat and potatoes. I have been that way ever since.
Over the years I have shared many secrets with friends, and they have shared many with me. I have never been one to just sit there and hear what they had to say and leave it there, I have always asked them the questions that have made them think. I think the reason I do this is so that they might see why they are the way they are, or maybe to better understand their motivation. I also need to know details. It's just in me to get the whole story, something lacking in today's world for the most part. I can't tell you how many times I have had friend come to me and say, "you know when you asked that question it kind of made me mad, but once I thought about it and realized the answer I was glad you asked it".
I think in today's world we sit back and not really care about one another. We try very hard to not get too invested in people, certainly don't want to be too intimate with others. We tend to just go through life having inconsequential conversations with 90% of the people we come across, and never truly share. I enjoy those conversations that get down to the meat, I like knowing how things really made you feel. I don't do it to be nosy, I do it because I like to understand it better, to understand the person I am speaking to better, to build a stronger bond through trust and understanding.
Questions are so powerful, sometimes more powerful than the answers. I think, sometimes, that the right questions bring out the best behaviors. I know in my life if the right questions had never been asked, I would never have survived my childhood. The right people asked enough to know, and enough to make me feel close. Questions can save a persons life, they can open doors that may have forever been closed, they can shed light on subjects that could have been forever in the dark. Questions make us human, questions make us connected. Don't ever stop asking questions, they are very powerful!
Thursday, April 18, 2013
People
I have been writing this blog for over a year now, I have more than 160 posts and can't tell you how many have read it.
Over the past year I have talked openly about my life, my circumstances and the things I find to be important or relevant to write about. Some of the posts have been better than others, one can only do what moves them that particular day. I don't write posts beforehand, I write them and post them the same day, this makes it so that I don't edit, I don't change and I can't turn back.
There have been countless people from North America read my blog, but I have had numerous people visit from many, many countries. There are regular readers from Russia, India, Australia, and many countries in South America, just to name a few. I like this part of blogging, as it just astonishes me having people all over the world reading my stories.
Along with all these visitors I have had many, many comments. Some I publish, some I keep to myself, some come to me via facebook, some by email. I enjoy the feedback, I enjoy hearing what others get out of my words, but most importantly I love how much my circumstances are shared by others. I have had people message me about their abuse as children. I have had people message me about how what I said helped them with the way they are feeling. I have had people message me to let me know I am not alone. This is the most powerful aspect of having this blog. Knowing that I am not the only one who has felt this way, gone through these things, or been as upset as I have been about certain things, has all made me feel like I am one of many walking down the same road.
My plan is to always blog, it's something I enjoy for the most part, and I do look forward to all the new, and old readers coming in and enjoying the words for a few minutes of the day. I look forward to hearing from as many as want to share, and I hope that through that it will keep me interested enough to keep going.
I blog for me, no one else. I don't hide anything, and I don't make up anything, it's my truth as I see it. I will never make apologies for the things I have said, as they are my truth and no one else's. I love the freedom of getting it out of my head and out into the universe. It's so much more productive to have it out there and not knocking around, driving me crazy!
So, thank you!! Thank you, all those people who come her and enjoy. It makes it all so much more interesting!
Over the past year I have talked openly about my life, my circumstances and the things I find to be important or relevant to write about. Some of the posts have been better than others, one can only do what moves them that particular day. I don't write posts beforehand, I write them and post them the same day, this makes it so that I don't edit, I don't change and I can't turn back.
There have been countless people from North America read my blog, but I have had numerous people visit from many, many countries. There are regular readers from Russia, India, Australia, and many countries in South America, just to name a few. I like this part of blogging, as it just astonishes me having people all over the world reading my stories.
Along with all these visitors I have had many, many comments. Some I publish, some I keep to myself, some come to me via facebook, some by email. I enjoy the feedback, I enjoy hearing what others get out of my words, but most importantly I love how much my circumstances are shared by others. I have had people message me about their abuse as children. I have had people message me about how what I said helped them with the way they are feeling. I have had people message me to let me know I am not alone. This is the most powerful aspect of having this blog. Knowing that I am not the only one who has felt this way, gone through these things, or been as upset as I have been about certain things, has all made me feel like I am one of many walking down the same road.
My plan is to always blog, it's something I enjoy for the most part, and I do look forward to all the new, and old readers coming in and enjoying the words for a few minutes of the day. I look forward to hearing from as many as want to share, and I hope that through that it will keep me interested enough to keep going.
I blog for me, no one else. I don't hide anything, and I don't make up anything, it's my truth as I see it. I will never make apologies for the things I have said, as they are my truth and no one else's. I love the freedom of getting it out of my head and out into the universe. It's so much more productive to have it out there and not knocking around, driving me crazy!
So, thank you!! Thank you, all those people who come her and enjoy. It makes it all so much more interesting!
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Obstacles
There are always going to be obstacles in our way, I described a really big one yesterday in my N post. With any sort of obstacle we can either let us stop us, which I have done countless times, or we can walk around it and keep on going. I am learning to do the latter.
Being gay was a major obstacle for me, in more ways than I can ever describe in a simple entry blog, however I can explain some of the bigger challenges "obstacles" I have encountered.
Just being gay is an obstacle in life. You are torn between doing and living your "real" life and that of the life you think is more accepted. There isn't anyone in your life, no matter how liberal your friends or family are, who want you to be gay. No one is ever praising the heavens that there daughter turned out to be gay. Yes, people can accept, but it isn't something they are ever thrilled about. This makes it hard to life "real". You want people to be happy with you, you don't want to rock the boat, and you don't want to take the chance that people whom you really care about are going to walk away. Sure, if they walk they aren't worth anything right, but that is easier said than actually lived. I lost people who I thought would be in my life forever, and yes, now I know I am better without them, but it took some time.
There is also the obstacle of wanting a family, when every single thing you read says that "gays" can't raise children. You know in your heart you will never be truly whole without that family you have dreamt of, but you also don't want to bring a child into a world where there is more written about how selfish your parents are than how great they are doing. If you do decide to fulfill your dream, then from the minute that little human is out into the real world you feel this need to be perfect. Everyone who has ever raised a child knows that you aren't going to be perfect, but yet when you do it under these circumstances you feel the need to try harder than everyone else. I feared that one day I would hear, "well of course he has issues, look who is parents are", but luckily I haven't heard that. That doesn't take away from the fact that I feel I have to do better than the breeders. I feel like all eyes are watching and I have to live up to the mustard or else we will be blamed for everything simply because we are gay....certainly not because we are making mistakes just like everyone else. It's a very heavy weight to hold on my shoulders I can tell you.
You also face the obstacles of family. Some will accept, some will not. Unlike friends you can just walk away from, family stays in your life in ways that you can't help. We faced a real obstacle when it came to Damie's parents. At the beginning of our relationship they both said that they would accept that I was her "friend" we weren't to touch in front of them, we weren't to let on we were a couple at all. For a while I felt like it was okay, at least they weren't turning away from her. When I got pregnant her mom seemed happy, but during the time of the pregnancy she seemed to change. She never seemed upset about the baby coming, she just seemed to be always upset with me. Later, after Zeb came into the world Damie's dad refused to call him Zeb, and did not ever want Zeb calling him anything other than his first name. This was a big obstacle, as it created a situation that we just didn't know how we were going to handle later when he was old enough to know what was happening. Damie's mom became more and more difficult, and now plays no role in our life at all. I don't know what really happened, I can only guess, but my best guess is that she realized at some point during that pregnancy that this was not a faze her daughter was going through, it in fact was a life long situation and her dream for a straight daughter was gone for good. I don't know if she blamed me for it, maybe she did, maybe it was easier to blame than to accept. I do know it was a big obstacle in our family.
I have learned that there really isn't much that you can let stand in your way, no matter what you are moving towards. You can let others try, you can let money try, you can even let your fears try, but if you are really going to live your "real" life, the one God expects from you, then you have to move past those obstacles. I really think they are put there for a reason, I think they are great tests. I think that those tests teach you better than anything else can, just how strong you are, how resilient you are, and just how much you are willing to do to reach your happiness. Like they say, nothing worth anything comes easy, so dig deep and move on by!!
Being gay was a major obstacle for me, in more ways than I can ever describe in a simple entry blog, however I can explain some of the bigger challenges "obstacles" I have encountered.
Just being gay is an obstacle in life. You are torn between doing and living your "real" life and that of the life you think is more accepted. There isn't anyone in your life, no matter how liberal your friends or family are, who want you to be gay. No one is ever praising the heavens that there daughter turned out to be gay. Yes, people can accept, but it isn't something they are ever thrilled about. This makes it hard to life "real". You want people to be happy with you, you don't want to rock the boat, and you don't want to take the chance that people whom you really care about are going to walk away. Sure, if they walk they aren't worth anything right, but that is easier said than actually lived. I lost people who I thought would be in my life forever, and yes, now I know I am better without them, but it took some time.
There is also the obstacle of wanting a family, when every single thing you read says that "gays" can't raise children. You know in your heart you will never be truly whole without that family you have dreamt of, but you also don't want to bring a child into a world where there is more written about how selfish your parents are than how great they are doing. If you do decide to fulfill your dream, then from the minute that little human is out into the real world you feel this need to be perfect. Everyone who has ever raised a child knows that you aren't going to be perfect, but yet when you do it under these circumstances you feel the need to try harder than everyone else. I feared that one day I would hear, "well of course he has issues, look who is parents are", but luckily I haven't heard that. That doesn't take away from the fact that I feel I have to do better than the breeders. I feel like all eyes are watching and I have to live up to the mustard or else we will be blamed for everything simply because we are gay....certainly not because we are making mistakes just like everyone else. It's a very heavy weight to hold on my shoulders I can tell you.
You also face the obstacles of family. Some will accept, some will not. Unlike friends you can just walk away from, family stays in your life in ways that you can't help. We faced a real obstacle when it came to Damie's parents. At the beginning of our relationship they both said that they would accept that I was her "friend" we weren't to touch in front of them, we weren't to let on we were a couple at all. For a while I felt like it was okay, at least they weren't turning away from her. When I got pregnant her mom seemed happy, but during the time of the pregnancy she seemed to change. She never seemed upset about the baby coming, she just seemed to be always upset with me. Later, after Zeb came into the world Damie's dad refused to call him Zeb, and did not ever want Zeb calling him anything other than his first name. This was a big obstacle, as it created a situation that we just didn't know how we were going to handle later when he was old enough to know what was happening. Damie's mom became more and more difficult, and now plays no role in our life at all. I don't know what really happened, I can only guess, but my best guess is that she realized at some point during that pregnancy that this was not a faze her daughter was going through, it in fact was a life long situation and her dream for a straight daughter was gone for good. I don't know if she blamed me for it, maybe she did, maybe it was easier to blame than to accept. I do know it was a big obstacle in our family.
I have learned that there really isn't much that you can let stand in your way, no matter what you are moving towards. You can let others try, you can let money try, you can even let your fears try, but if you are really going to live your "real" life, the one God expects from you, then you have to move past those obstacles. I really think they are put there for a reason, I think they are great tests. I think that those tests teach you better than anything else can, just how strong you are, how resilient you are, and just how much you are willing to do to reach your happiness. Like they say, nothing worth anything comes easy, so dig deep and move on by!!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Nuts
Today we (as in me and my partner) were witnesses of a nut....a real nut, I mean a nut bag. Yes, not the first time, but it was a bit more than we expected.
A month or so ago it was time for yearly bonus' at my partners job. She has been working really hard and was counting on a nice bonus, something we could use to pay up on some bills we owe, maybe put some extra money into our son's education plan, and if we were really lucky, go on a modest family vacation (something we haven't done for 4 yrs). We thought this because when she was hired she was told that bonus' were part of salary if you qualified. She new she had qualified after working there only 4 months. She sells insurance and by years end had sold 52% of the total new sales for the office...all by herself. There were two other sales people in the office and she had blown them out of the water.
Well, finally the day arrived and it was time to talk turkey. He had put it off for a month by this time so we were kind of biting at the bit to get our hands on the cash. Well if he didn't sit her down and offer her a fraction of what the bonus should have been. We knew, roughly how much he had gotten from the company so we had our eyes on a small portion of it, however what he offered wasn't anything near what we had hoped for. He asked her if it was okay, and she told him "no, not even slightly" they then went back and forth about what she thought and what he was willing to do, and well to make a long story short by the end of that conversation she knew it was time to go and work somewhere that would appreciate her hard work. By the end of business day she had an offer on the table, and was going to go meet with the guy who became her new boss after work.
We were fine with all of it, it didn't make us happy but the fact of the matter is if you don't like how you are treated you have two options. One being stay and take it, don't complain and just keep your head down, or go to where things could be different. We decided it was best to go.
Even though she had planned on quitting she had decided she was not going to give her notice until she received her bonus check. The night before she should have received it he called her into his office and told her he had decided that he was going to take away her salary (she works on commission and salary) and that he was going to reduce her commission to 2 points lower than it was currently. He said that it was because she got so upset about the bonus. Well she then told him that she was giving him her two weeks notice. He told her to just consider that day to be her last.
Her bonus check was supposed to be directly deposited into her account at some point during the night, but when she got up in the morning she had no such deposit. It was Good Friday of Easter weekend, and since we were all at home off we went to her former bosses office. When we arrived he claimed to have stopped the payment because he didn't know if she was going to come back and destroy his office or something and wanted to safeguard himself (this coming from a man that only a few weeks before had had such a temper tantrum that he punched two holes into the office wall). Yes, she was that kind of a threat...she left happily, glad it was over but I guess to him that meant she was going to come back and trash the place. He paid her what he owed her, and they agreed that he would have her last commission check to her on the 15th of April.
So, yesterday she was supposed to go pick up her check but was unable to make it before end of day so she texted him and let him know she would be by at 9 am this morning to pick up the check. She arrived at his office at 9 this morning to find him sitting in his car. She went inside to the office to talk to a friend there, thinking he would be in shortly, well a half hour went by and he still hadn't come in, so she went outside and sat in her car since she was stopping the ladies in the office from doing what they needed to do.
Finally, a half hour later he gets out of his car and comes over to her and says "how dare you sit there and stare at me" She explained that she was not staring at him, merely just waiting in her personal vehicle. He then went on to say that there was no check made up, and that he wouldn't have a check for an hour or two. Well his office is more than an hour away from her current office so leaving and coming back was not going to happen. The only thing she could do was wait until 11 am to get the check.
At 11am she entered the office and asked if he was ready, when he replied that she was not welcome in his office and to get the F*** out. She then said she would be waiting in the parking lot, and expected the check quickly as he was just unnecessarily holding her up. She then called the police, who informed her that they could not force him to pay her, but they could happily come over and scare him...and keep her safe all at the same time. Before they could arrive he came out saying he was only going to pay her 1/2 of what he owed her, and that she also had to sign something saying that she could not sue him for any more, or she could take a check for an even lessor amount which came with no paper to sign. She then called me, and then called a lawyer just to find out that in the state of Michigan one can take a former employer to court to get monies owing them, but that since it was not thousands upon thousands it would cost her more in legal fees than what he owned her. His suggestion to her was get as much out of him as she could as there was little chance she would see another penny. She took the larger of the two checks, signed the waver and left.
Crazy lives in nice houses, running Allstate agencies and look normal. Crazy isn't always who you think they will be, they can be the ones you least expect.
Crazy seems to always win!
A month or so ago it was time for yearly bonus' at my partners job. She has been working really hard and was counting on a nice bonus, something we could use to pay up on some bills we owe, maybe put some extra money into our son's education plan, and if we were really lucky, go on a modest family vacation (something we haven't done for 4 yrs). We thought this because when she was hired she was told that bonus' were part of salary if you qualified. She new she had qualified after working there only 4 months. She sells insurance and by years end had sold 52% of the total new sales for the office...all by herself. There were two other sales people in the office and she had blown them out of the water.
Well, finally the day arrived and it was time to talk turkey. He had put it off for a month by this time so we were kind of biting at the bit to get our hands on the cash. Well if he didn't sit her down and offer her a fraction of what the bonus should have been. We knew, roughly how much he had gotten from the company so we had our eyes on a small portion of it, however what he offered wasn't anything near what we had hoped for. He asked her if it was okay, and she told him "no, not even slightly" they then went back and forth about what she thought and what he was willing to do, and well to make a long story short by the end of that conversation she knew it was time to go and work somewhere that would appreciate her hard work. By the end of business day she had an offer on the table, and was going to go meet with the guy who became her new boss after work.
We were fine with all of it, it didn't make us happy but the fact of the matter is if you don't like how you are treated you have two options. One being stay and take it, don't complain and just keep your head down, or go to where things could be different. We decided it was best to go.
Even though she had planned on quitting she had decided she was not going to give her notice until she received her bonus check. The night before she should have received it he called her into his office and told her he had decided that he was going to take away her salary (she works on commission and salary) and that he was going to reduce her commission to 2 points lower than it was currently. He said that it was because she got so upset about the bonus. Well she then told him that she was giving him her two weeks notice. He told her to just consider that day to be her last.
Her bonus check was supposed to be directly deposited into her account at some point during the night, but when she got up in the morning she had no such deposit. It was Good Friday of Easter weekend, and since we were all at home off we went to her former bosses office. When we arrived he claimed to have stopped the payment because he didn't know if she was going to come back and destroy his office or something and wanted to safeguard himself (this coming from a man that only a few weeks before had had such a temper tantrum that he punched two holes into the office wall). Yes, she was that kind of a threat...she left happily, glad it was over but I guess to him that meant she was going to come back and trash the place. He paid her what he owed her, and they agreed that he would have her last commission check to her on the 15th of April.
So, yesterday she was supposed to go pick up her check but was unable to make it before end of day so she texted him and let him know she would be by at 9 am this morning to pick up the check. She arrived at his office at 9 this morning to find him sitting in his car. She went inside to the office to talk to a friend there, thinking he would be in shortly, well a half hour went by and he still hadn't come in, so she went outside and sat in her car since she was stopping the ladies in the office from doing what they needed to do.
Finally, a half hour later he gets out of his car and comes over to her and says "how dare you sit there and stare at me" She explained that she was not staring at him, merely just waiting in her personal vehicle. He then went on to say that there was no check made up, and that he wouldn't have a check for an hour or two. Well his office is more than an hour away from her current office so leaving and coming back was not going to happen. The only thing she could do was wait until 11 am to get the check.
At 11am she entered the office and asked if he was ready, when he replied that she was not welcome in his office and to get the F*** out. She then said she would be waiting in the parking lot, and expected the check quickly as he was just unnecessarily holding her up. She then called the police, who informed her that they could not force him to pay her, but they could happily come over and scare him...and keep her safe all at the same time. Before they could arrive he came out saying he was only going to pay her 1/2 of what he owed her, and that she also had to sign something saying that she could not sue him for any more, or she could take a check for an even lessor amount which came with no paper to sign. She then called me, and then called a lawyer just to find out that in the state of Michigan one can take a former employer to court to get monies owing them, but that since it was not thousands upon thousands it would cost her more in legal fees than what he owned her. His suggestion to her was get as much out of him as she could as there was little chance she would see another penny. She took the larger of the two checks, signed the waver and left.
Crazy lives in nice houses, running Allstate agencies and look normal. Crazy isn't always who you think they will be, they can be the ones you least expect.
Crazy seems to always win!
Monday, April 15, 2013
Motivation
For a very long time I waited to be motivated to do things, if I didn't feel the motivation fill my body I just didn't do it. That include all sorts of life's jobs like, dishes, laundry, cleaning. Sometimes it would take a few weeks to get motivated to clean the house, yes gross right. Usually it wasn't motivation that kicked in as much as the dust bunnies threatening to attack while I was asleep that did the trick.
Somewhere along the line I have realized that if I'm going to wait for motivation to come into my life, I will be waiting a long time. Somewhere along the path I learned that what motivation actually does is it comes after you have already started. This goes for all things, but I have learned it the most when it comes to exercise.
There are days I don't feel like getting off the couch, I don't feel like getting out of my pj's let alone anything else. I could have quit life, but instead I would force myself out of my flannels and onto the streets. By the time I made it down the first street on the way to dropping my son off at school I felt better and then I was motivated to do more.
Motivation is a funny thing, sometimes it's the scale that motivates, sometimes it's the sunshine, sometimes it that good friend that's going to give you a hard time if you don't get out and walk with her, and sometimes it's just the memory of how you feel when you get doing.
The house still gets dirty, but I no longer leave it weeks, it's cleaned almost daily. I still leave dirty dishes in the sink, but they are cleaned before the end of the day, everyday. I still have a hard time getting myself to the gym, but knowing that I feel better doing it than not gets me there. I enjoy motivating myself, I enjoy feeling like I am doing instead of just letting days go by.
So remember, don't wait for motivation to kick you in the ass, turn it around and kick motivation in it's ass!!
Somewhere along the line I have realized that if I'm going to wait for motivation to come into my life, I will be waiting a long time. Somewhere along the path I learned that what motivation actually does is it comes after you have already started. This goes for all things, but I have learned it the most when it comes to exercise.
There are days I don't feel like getting off the couch, I don't feel like getting out of my pj's let alone anything else. I could have quit life, but instead I would force myself out of my flannels and onto the streets. By the time I made it down the first street on the way to dropping my son off at school I felt better and then I was motivated to do more.
Motivation is a funny thing, sometimes it's the scale that motivates, sometimes it's the sunshine, sometimes it that good friend that's going to give you a hard time if you don't get out and walk with her, and sometimes it's just the memory of how you feel when you get doing.
The house still gets dirty, but I no longer leave it weeks, it's cleaned almost daily. I still leave dirty dishes in the sink, but they are cleaned before the end of the day, everyday. I still have a hard time getting myself to the gym, but knowing that I feel better doing it than not gets me there. I enjoy motivating myself, I enjoy feeling like I am doing instead of just letting days go by.
So remember, don't wait for motivation to kick you in the ass, turn it around and kick motivation in it's ass!!
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Like mustard gas coming out my A$$
I don't eat a lot on a daily basis. My diet consists of mostly lean meats, low fat dairy, veggies and fruit. On a normal day I consume between 55 and 70 grams of protein, and for the most part that protein comes from chicken, turkey, shrimp and once a day I have a good quality protein drink. There are days I will eat some carbs that don't come from fruits and vegetables, but not many and always whole grains. It's pretty uneventful for the most part, I don't have many exciting meals, but then again I am trying to learn what my body needs and only consume that fuel and nothing else.
For the most part I feel great, nothing really negative to report other than the incredible amounts of gas I have. It is like no other gas I have ever experienced in my life.
The other day I was in the car with my family jokingly saying that my gas is like mustard gas coming out of my a$$...I should bottle it and go after all the bad guys in the world. It's pretty intense and a little annoying, I must say.
I know, maybe this is too much information, but it is what my life has become. After having bariatric surgery you become consumed by food. All day long you are adding up protein amounts, keeping track of water consumption and trying to burn as many calories as you can. It's an all day obsession, really more so than ever before having the surgery. One would think that after having a surgery like this you could finally put the scale away, not have to worry too much about things like calories, and just go through your day knowing that the weight is going to just come off. That is so far from the case I can't tell you. I think more about food than I ever did before surgery. I have to think about every single thing I put in my mouth, and not only that, but I have to also think about how I eat that food, how often I drink, when I drink, and if I have done it right today.
After you have surgery your whole eating process changes. You cannot drink 1/2 hour before meals, and not for at least 1/2 hour after. The farther you are out of surgery increases the time after meals that you can drink. An example of that is, now that I am almost 7 months out of surgery I eat more food at meals, which means that my pouch is full with solid foods. In order for my pouch to do any digestion I have to give it time to do so, therefore I do not drink anything for at least 45 minutes after meals. Right after surgery I was only eating fluids, for 4 weeks. During that time I didn't have to worry about when I could drink after meals as it was all the same, and all moved at the same pace. Before surgery I thought that drinking was going to be my biggest challenge, but it's not, it has actually come very naturally. I don't miss not drinking as I eat, surprisingly. I do miss not drinking after I'm done, but it's getting better.
Other than sticking to the rules and knowing what I should be doing on a daily basis, this has come pretty easily for me. I wouldn't change a thing, I made the absolute best decision for me when I decided to do this, and I am healthier than I have been in years. No regrets whatsoever!!
For the most part I feel great, nothing really negative to report other than the incredible amounts of gas I have. It is like no other gas I have ever experienced in my life.
The other day I was in the car with my family jokingly saying that my gas is like mustard gas coming out of my a$$...I should bottle it and go after all the bad guys in the world. It's pretty intense and a little annoying, I must say.
I know, maybe this is too much information, but it is what my life has become. After having bariatric surgery you become consumed by food. All day long you are adding up protein amounts, keeping track of water consumption and trying to burn as many calories as you can. It's an all day obsession, really more so than ever before having the surgery. One would think that after having a surgery like this you could finally put the scale away, not have to worry too much about things like calories, and just go through your day knowing that the weight is going to just come off. That is so far from the case I can't tell you. I think more about food than I ever did before surgery. I have to think about every single thing I put in my mouth, and not only that, but I have to also think about how I eat that food, how often I drink, when I drink, and if I have done it right today.
After you have surgery your whole eating process changes. You cannot drink 1/2 hour before meals, and not for at least 1/2 hour after. The farther you are out of surgery increases the time after meals that you can drink. An example of that is, now that I am almost 7 months out of surgery I eat more food at meals, which means that my pouch is full with solid foods. In order for my pouch to do any digestion I have to give it time to do so, therefore I do not drink anything for at least 45 minutes after meals. Right after surgery I was only eating fluids, for 4 weeks. During that time I didn't have to worry about when I could drink after meals as it was all the same, and all moved at the same pace. Before surgery I thought that drinking was going to be my biggest challenge, but it's not, it has actually come very naturally. I don't miss not drinking as I eat, surprisingly. I do miss not drinking after I'm done, but it's getting better.
Other than sticking to the rules and knowing what I should be doing on a daily basis, this has come pretty easily for me. I wouldn't change a thing, I made the absolute best decision for me when I decided to do this, and I am healthier than I have been in years. No regrets whatsoever!!
Friday, April 12, 2013
Karma
I truly believe in Karma, not because I am Hindu, Jain, Buddhist, or Sikh, but because I have actually witnessed it happening.
I think for the most part we all believe the saying "What goes around comes around". I know I do. Does that mean I don't do things wrong, of course not, I am human after all. What it does mean is I try very hard not to do things to others that I would not appreciate done to me. I am not always successful, and have put my foot it more than once, yet I try everyday to do my best.
I know in my own life I have seen the effects of karma, both to me and to others. For a long time I lived a life that I would have to describe as not being my authentic self, to use a wonderful Oprah catch phrase. I wasn't going around hurting people or making others lives difficult, but I wasn't being truly honest to myself of others as to how I was living my life. I justified this by saying I'm not hurting anyone, and no one has to know that difference, but you know what I'm going to say next...it all caught up to me anyways.
This lesson was a hard one, as I then spent several years trying to repair myself and my life from all those years of not living real. No, no one was hurt, except me, but karma sure did come back and bite me, as you would say. I have learned that it just doesn't pay to try to be, or live in a way that you shouldn't, that isn't really you or true.
There are people who go through life treating everyone badly, I'm sure you know some of those people, everyone has at least one in their lives. The just go through life taking, never giving, and don't give a single moments thought to others around them. If you are like me you question from time to time why it is that they get away with that, and why is it that we don't get to see them get theirs. Well that's the funny thing about karma isn't it. We don't always get to see how it comes back to them, sometimes it takes a really long time for it to, and if we are lucky we have disposed of those people long before they ever reap what they have sowed.
Now, isn't that funny how in the last sentence in my last paragraph I used the saying "reap what they have sowed", that comes from the Bible, it is a lesson taught in various books with in it. Isn't it funny how at the beginning I said that I believe in karma and then listed that I do despite the fact that I am not Hindu, Jain, Buddhist, or Sikh. It seems there isn't a religion out there that doesn't have some sort of belief in what we see and describe as karma. Again, we are much more alike than different aren't we.
It would be lovely to actually see those who should get theirs get it, but that is not always our gift. I think that for me at least, rather than sit and wait to see the guy who was a real jerk to me get his, I would much rather just be grateful that I am not him, and I also that I don't have to put up with him anymore.
Karma is a great thing, so glad it's out there for all of us to watch and to fear....
I think for the most part we all believe the saying "What goes around comes around". I know I do. Does that mean I don't do things wrong, of course not, I am human after all. What it does mean is I try very hard not to do things to others that I would not appreciate done to me. I am not always successful, and have put my foot it more than once, yet I try everyday to do my best.
I know in my own life I have seen the effects of karma, both to me and to others. For a long time I lived a life that I would have to describe as not being my authentic self, to use a wonderful Oprah catch phrase. I wasn't going around hurting people or making others lives difficult, but I wasn't being truly honest to myself of others as to how I was living my life. I justified this by saying I'm not hurting anyone, and no one has to know that difference, but you know what I'm going to say next...it all caught up to me anyways.
This lesson was a hard one, as I then spent several years trying to repair myself and my life from all those years of not living real. No, no one was hurt, except me, but karma sure did come back and bite me, as you would say. I have learned that it just doesn't pay to try to be, or live in a way that you shouldn't, that isn't really you or true.
There are people who go through life treating everyone badly, I'm sure you know some of those people, everyone has at least one in their lives. The just go through life taking, never giving, and don't give a single moments thought to others around them. If you are like me you question from time to time why it is that they get away with that, and why is it that we don't get to see them get theirs. Well that's the funny thing about karma isn't it. We don't always get to see how it comes back to them, sometimes it takes a really long time for it to, and if we are lucky we have disposed of those people long before they ever reap what they have sowed.
Now, isn't that funny how in the last sentence in my last paragraph I used the saying "reap what they have sowed", that comes from the Bible, it is a lesson taught in various books with in it. Isn't it funny how at the beginning I said that I believe in karma and then listed that I do despite the fact that I am not Hindu, Jain, Buddhist, or Sikh. It seems there isn't a religion out there that doesn't have some sort of belief in what we see and describe as karma. Again, we are much more alike than different aren't we.
It would be lovely to actually see those who should get theirs get it, but that is not always our gift. I think that for me at least, rather than sit and wait to see the guy who was a real jerk to me get his, I would much rather just be grateful that I am not him, and I also that I don't have to put up with him anymore.
Karma is a great thing, so glad it's out there for all of us to watch and to fear....
Thursday, April 11, 2013
Justice!
What is just? What is fitting the crime? We hope that the laws punish those who are worthy of punishment, and have mercy on those that deserve that. Is it possible for justice to actually be met? I would have to say that in my opinion rarely is justice ever served when it comes to crimes against women, especially when it deals with sexual assault and rape.
What is expected from a victim of these crimes is for them to come forward with their stories, wait to see if the crown is willing to press charges based on the evidence and the testimony, then we watch as those victims wait unreasonable amounts of time until the case is heard, where when that day comes we then sit back and watch those victims have to recount the terrible things that happened to them in vivid detail, just to be cross examined by someone who would like nothing better than to place the blame on them. Yes, this is what we expect from our justice system, and this is how it all goes down. Does it make sense, does it protect the victim, does it make it easier for more victims to come forward? I will answer all of these questions with "no" not at all.
When I was in my 20's I decided to try and have the males who sexually assaulted me tried in court. I spent several hours over the course of 2 days telling a police officer my story, and then I waited. A couple of months later, after an investigation was completed and all the evidence was brought to the crown, I received a call from that officer asking me to come down to the station. When I arrived I was told that because the crimes happened in the 70's and it was essentially a "she said/he said" situation, the crown was not interested in prosecuting the case. He went on to further describe to me what would happen if it were to go to trial. He said you would be put up on the stand, probably for more than one day, you would then have to describe with vivid detail what happened to you, you would then have to defend yourself and your actions in the case, even though you were 5 years old, and then even if I were lucky they would find them guilty and sentence them to the full extent of the law (that being the law of what was in the 70's) which would be not much more than a slap on the hand. Is that justice? No!
The case of Rehtaeh Parsons is a prime example of how justice is just not served, when it is so needed. If you don't know the story of this beautiful young 17 year old, please google her, she is worth the read. This is proof, if nothing else is, that justice does not serve women!
If it's a woman, and it's a crime against them, well there really isn't much of a punishment is there. I have heard of men getting 6 month suspended sentences for sexually assaulting babies. I have heard of cases where men are given time served for sexually assaulting, raping their own daughters. Is this justice? NO!
Laws have to change when it comes to crimes against women, and sentences have to include punishment, isn't that a concept!! Why is that we sit back and say, and I am as guilty of this as anyone, "someone has to make the punishments harsher". Why don't sentences reflect the severity of the crime?
Just last week the people of London Ontario were warned of, what police thought would be a repeat offender, coming into their community to live. The police were warning the public of this pedophile because psychological testing in prison showed that he have an above average rating that he would re-offend, yet they let him out anyway!! Amazing right. Rather than keep the children of the world safer by keeping him, they decided it was best to just let everyone know they now had to watch their own children a little closer because the boogie man was being released from jail. No justice here.
I am tired of what happens to women, and people just stand back and watch. I am tired of children being raped, bullied, and left to fend for themselves. I am tired of there being no real justice in what should be a more just world!
What is expected from a victim of these crimes is for them to come forward with their stories, wait to see if the crown is willing to press charges based on the evidence and the testimony, then we watch as those victims wait unreasonable amounts of time until the case is heard, where when that day comes we then sit back and watch those victims have to recount the terrible things that happened to them in vivid detail, just to be cross examined by someone who would like nothing better than to place the blame on them. Yes, this is what we expect from our justice system, and this is how it all goes down. Does it make sense, does it protect the victim, does it make it easier for more victims to come forward? I will answer all of these questions with "no" not at all.
When I was in my 20's I decided to try and have the males who sexually assaulted me tried in court. I spent several hours over the course of 2 days telling a police officer my story, and then I waited. A couple of months later, after an investigation was completed and all the evidence was brought to the crown, I received a call from that officer asking me to come down to the station. When I arrived I was told that because the crimes happened in the 70's and it was essentially a "she said/he said" situation, the crown was not interested in prosecuting the case. He went on to further describe to me what would happen if it were to go to trial. He said you would be put up on the stand, probably for more than one day, you would then have to describe with vivid detail what happened to you, you would then have to defend yourself and your actions in the case, even though you were 5 years old, and then even if I were lucky they would find them guilty and sentence them to the full extent of the law (that being the law of what was in the 70's) which would be not much more than a slap on the hand. Is that justice? No!
The case of Rehtaeh Parsons is a prime example of how justice is just not served, when it is so needed. If you don't know the story of this beautiful young 17 year old, please google her, she is worth the read. This is proof, if nothing else is, that justice does not serve women!
If it's a woman, and it's a crime against them, well there really isn't much of a punishment is there. I have heard of men getting 6 month suspended sentences for sexually assaulting babies. I have heard of cases where men are given time served for sexually assaulting, raping their own daughters. Is this justice? NO!
Laws have to change when it comes to crimes against women, and sentences have to include punishment, isn't that a concept!! Why is that we sit back and say, and I am as guilty of this as anyone, "someone has to make the punishments harsher". Why don't sentences reflect the severity of the crime?
Just last week the people of London Ontario were warned of, what police thought would be a repeat offender, coming into their community to live. The police were warning the public of this pedophile because psychological testing in prison showed that he have an above average rating that he would re-offend, yet they let him out anyway!! Amazing right. Rather than keep the children of the world safer by keeping him, they decided it was best to just let everyone know they now had to watch their own children a little closer because the boogie man was being released from jail. No justice here.
I am tired of what happens to women, and people just stand back and watch. I am tired of children being raped, bullied, and left to fend for themselves. I am tired of there being no real justice in what should be a more just world!
Wednesday, April 10, 2013
Impulse control problems
My son has ADHD, no not the over prescribed kind but the real kind. Most of the area's of concern with him are his impulse control problems.
These impulses can be a simple as not being able to sit at the piano when he plays, but instead needing to stand and move while he plays. That being said, some of the more difficult impulses can be seeing a fellow class mate in the hall and impulsively needing to tighten the scarf around her neck to the point of leaving a mark. As parents we do our best to help with both, however it is very difficult to convince someone to not do what impulsively they can't seem to control.
Over the years he has gotten better about controlling his impulses, only struggling occasionally with things that get out of hand. As his mother I have to think about doing, what for other parents would be simple daily things. One good example of this is if I were to send my son to school with an umbrella, as I did today, I have to first go over the rules regarding that umbrella. I repeat the rules, and then have him repeat them back to me, and then all I can do is hope that he doesn't get it in his mind at some point to use that umbrella as a weapon on another child. Impulses can come out of no where, and at the same time I can sometimes see them coming. I would much rather see it coming than be shocked by them, but that is hardly ever the case.
Because of his ADHD I have to stay on him all the time. I want him to follow even the simplest instructions, just to teach him to follow whatever it is he is being told. I know that if someone were to live in our world they may feel that I am hard on him, but I have to be the way I am. It is very important to me to raise a productive member of society, but more important to me to raise a kind, caring individual. I need him to focus, to learn to follow direction, and to understand that we say things because they actually mean something rather than because we just like to make rules. For us, if we didn't make sure he towed the line, we would have a child who was so out of control no one would ever enjoy being in his presence.
There are wonderful things that have come from the ADHD. He has the ability to hyper focus, which allows him to devour new concepts like he was eating a big piece of cake. He gets so focused on things like the Titanic, or Beethoven that he learns all about them. This leads to more conversation about related material, which leads to move devouring, and soon we know more about certain subjects then we ever really wanted to know. He also has this vivid imagination that I have never experienced before in my life. He can spend hours playing "school" or doing what he calls "the Zeb channel" . These activities bring a real unique quality to our kid, and we appreciate him in a way we may not if he didn't have ADHD.
When we first got the diagnoses we cried. I was so worried that people would just label him, and alternatively just not try to help him. I worried that there would be no "real" support for me as a parent, and that I would be left to my own devices....something I didn't feel really confident with. We have not found any of these fear to be real. Luckily we have had lots of support and understanding people in our lives that have helped us through some of the more difficult situations. If it weren't for these wonderful advocates I'm not sure where we would be.
Having a child with ADHD isn't all bad, but it does give us a run for our money some days. We decided two years ago to start him on medication (a decision that we did not want to make, one that we kind of fought for a long time). Since starting him on meds we have experienced remarkable differences in what he is able to do, and what he has learned to control. Meds may not be for everyone, but for us we didn't feel we were doing him a favor by not letting him at least try a tool that was available to him to make his school days better, and more productive. This is exactly what has happened. He scores above the charts in IQ tests, and is excelling in school. I can also tell you this, the days without meds are not enjoyable to his parents, but more importantly not enjoyable to him. The days he goes without is like a day filled with endless "no's" "Stop it's" and "sit down and chill". I know it's harder on him, and us, so we don't do it.
He is an amazing little boy, who has so much to offer, and so much to give. Yes sometimes he makes his peers angry, maybe even not enjoy being around him, but there will be a day when being his friend is going to be what all the kids want. He is the kind of kid that will draw kids to him, someday. I couldn't imagine him any other way, and wouldn't trade him for the world.
These impulses can be a simple as not being able to sit at the piano when he plays, but instead needing to stand and move while he plays. That being said, some of the more difficult impulses can be seeing a fellow class mate in the hall and impulsively needing to tighten the scarf around her neck to the point of leaving a mark. As parents we do our best to help with both, however it is very difficult to convince someone to not do what impulsively they can't seem to control.
Over the years he has gotten better about controlling his impulses, only struggling occasionally with things that get out of hand. As his mother I have to think about doing, what for other parents would be simple daily things. One good example of this is if I were to send my son to school with an umbrella, as I did today, I have to first go over the rules regarding that umbrella. I repeat the rules, and then have him repeat them back to me, and then all I can do is hope that he doesn't get it in his mind at some point to use that umbrella as a weapon on another child. Impulses can come out of no where, and at the same time I can sometimes see them coming. I would much rather see it coming than be shocked by them, but that is hardly ever the case.
Because of his ADHD I have to stay on him all the time. I want him to follow even the simplest instructions, just to teach him to follow whatever it is he is being told. I know that if someone were to live in our world they may feel that I am hard on him, but I have to be the way I am. It is very important to me to raise a productive member of society, but more important to me to raise a kind, caring individual. I need him to focus, to learn to follow direction, and to understand that we say things because they actually mean something rather than because we just like to make rules. For us, if we didn't make sure he towed the line, we would have a child who was so out of control no one would ever enjoy being in his presence.
There are wonderful things that have come from the ADHD. He has the ability to hyper focus, which allows him to devour new concepts like he was eating a big piece of cake. He gets so focused on things like the Titanic, or Beethoven that he learns all about them. This leads to more conversation about related material, which leads to move devouring, and soon we know more about certain subjects then we ever really wanted to know. He also has this vivid imagination that I have never experienced before in my life. He can spend hours playing "school" or doing what he calls "the Zeb channel" . These activities bring a real unique quality to our kid, and we appreciate him in a way we may not if he didn't have ADHD.
When we first got the diagnoses we cried. I was so worried that people would just label him, and alternatively just not try to help him. I worried that there would be no "real" support for me as a parent, and that I would be left to my own devices....something I didn't feel really confident with. We have not found any of these fear to be real. Luckily we have had lots of support and understanding people in our lives that have helped us through some of the more difficult situations. If it weren't for these wonderful advocates I'm not sure where we would be.
Having a child with ADHD isn't all bad, but it does give us a run for our money some days. We decided two years ago to start him on medication (a decision that we did not want to make, one that we kind of fought for a long time). Since starting him on meds we have experienced remarkable differences in what he is able to do, and what he has learned to control. Meds may not be for everyone, but for us we didn't feel we were doing him a favor by not letting him at least try a tool that was available to him to make his school days better, and more productive. This is exactly what has happened. He scores above the charts in IQ tests, and is excelling in school. I can also tell you this, the days without meds are not enjoyable to his parents, but more importantly not enjoyable to him. The days he goes without is like a day filled with endless "no's" "Stop it's" and "sit down and chill". I know it's harder on him, and us, so we don't do it.
He is an amazing little boy, who has so much to offer, and so much to give. Yes sometimes he makes his peers angry, maybe even not enjoy being around him, but there will be a day when being his friend is going to be what all the kids want. He is the kind of kid that will draw kids to him, someday. I couldn't imagine him any other way, and wouldn't trade him for the world.
Tuesday, April 9, 2013
Hoke Colburn
I hope that when I come to the end of my days I have a Hoke Colburn in my life.
The golden years of ones life if filled with so many wonderful, and although we don't want to accept it, some not so wonderful things as well. As we age we become more and more aware of the fact that what you have to accept is that things will change. You might age out of being a careful driver, leading you to rely on others to get you to the places you need to go. You might outlive all your siblings, if you have any. This is difficult, as once you see your own brothers and sisters passing you really start to feel more and more alone. You might outlive your spouse, which if you are like me don't even want to imagine. You might have to move out of your lifelong home and into a assisted living facility, again relying on others for things that you think you should still be able to do, but can't. Finally you might outlive all your friends, to the point where you know the inside of the funeral home better than your own living room. It's a difficult life, a challenging one, but if you have a Hoke Colburn, it's made a little easier.
I think my child will be there in my golden years, but I know that when I reach that time in my life I hope he is busy with his own children, not having much time for me. I would like to think he will be there when things get more difficult, but I certainly can't count on that. Maybe my son will hire a Hoke to come into my life, I can only hope that if that's the case he/she is as kind and caring as the Hoke in the movie.
Life comes at us fast and furious, sometimes not letting us stop and smell the roses, if you let it. They say the only things you can count on is death and taxes, and that's true, but with the way things are going I think you can also count on having many difficult days later in life.
My hope is that I go in my sleep, and not with some terrible illness that keeps me going, but with very little quality of life. I hope that I don't lose all my freedoms, like driving, living in my own home with my own things, or having family and friends around me. I hope I'm the first to go, I guess that's selfish, but nonetheless it would be better for me.
Driving Miss Daisy is one of my favorite movies, there is just nothing like watching those two completely opposite people find unique similarities that bring them together, allowing for a beautiful friendship. The two of them teach us just how being different really has nothing to do with love, and acceptance. The fact that they both have their own individual stories, those stories are more the same than different. We all need to forget about how different we are, and more about how similar, that brings us together rather than separating us. Wouldn't that be nice??
The golden years of ones life if filled with so many wonderful, and although we don't want to accept it, some not so wonderful things as well. As we age we become more and more aware of the fact that what you have to accept is that things will change. You might age out of being a careful driver, leading you to rely on others to get you to the places you need to go. You might outlive all your siblings, if you have any. This is difficult, as once you see your own brothers and sisters passing you really start to feel more and more alone. You might outlive your spouse, which if you are like me don't even want to imagine. You might have to move out of your lifelong home and into a assisted living facility, again relying on others for things that you think you should still be able to do, but can't. Finally you might outlive all your friends, to the point where you know the inside of the funeral home better than your own living room. It's a difficult life, a challenging one, but if you have a Hoke Colburn, it's made a little easier.
I think my child will be there in my golden years, but I know that when I reach that time in my life I hope he is busy with his own children, not having much time for me. I would like to think he will be there when things get more difficult, but I certainly can't count on that. Maybe my son will hire a Hoke to come into my life, I can only hope that if that's the case he/she is as kind and caring as the Hoke in the movie.
Life comes at us fast and furious, sometimes not letting us stop and smell the roses, if you let it. They say the only things you can count on is death and taxes, and that's true, but with the way things are going I think you can also count on having many difficult days later in life.
My hope is that I go in my sleep, and not with some terrible illness that keeps me going, but with very little quality of life. I hope that I don't lose all my freedoms, like driving, living in my own home with my own things, or having family and friends around me. I hope I'm the first to go, I guess that's selfish, but nonetheless it would be better for me.
Driving Miss Daisy is one of my favorite movies, there is just nothing like watching those two completely opposite people find unique similarities that bring them together, allowing for a beautiful friendship. The two of them teach us just how being different really has nothing to do with love, and acceptance. The fact that they both have their own individual stories, those stories are more the same than different. We all need to forget about how different we are, and more about how similar, that brings us together rather than separating us. Wouldn't that be nice??
Monday, April 8, 2013
Gross
I have my favorite things at the gym. I have my favorite bicycle, my favorite elliptical, and I have my way of doing the weight equipment. Maybe I am weird that way, but it's true. So today when I entered the gym I quickly noticed that my favorite elliptical was free, which literally brings glee in my step, so I quickly get over to it.
I have no idea why this is my favorite elliptical...it maybe because it was the first one I used when I first started, it maybe because it just seems to sit right in the middle of the room, I don't know, but when it's free I am thrilled.
I have a bit of a routine, I like to put my stuff by stuff I am referring to my Ipod, my towel, my water bottle, all on the elliptical and then I go over to the paper towels and spray it generously with disinfectant and proceed to clean it off. If you have ever used a gym you must know that a great number of people, even in the woman's only gym I belong to, do not clean off their equipment after using, which is beyond disgusting if you ask me!! After this ritual is finished I am ready for my workout.
Well today I was shocked by what I found on MY elliptical, I found a chewed up old piece of gum sticking to the ledge on the control panel. This is just gross, gross actually isn't even a strong enough word for how I truly feel about this. Who are these people?? I have to wonder, do they think that is okay, do they think that other's should just have to clean up after them, the real question is, do they think at all.
I have a real problem with things to do with the mouth. I haven't always had this problem, it actually started while I was working at a nursing home on weekends while I was going to college. One of my various jobs was getting the patients ready in the morning, which by the way included getting their teeth out of the solution they had been sitting in all night, brush them, and then place them in the mouths of their owners. This was more than I could handle. I knew that it was an important job, not unlike so many other things that must be done for these wonderful people daily, but this was just beyond gross for me. I hated it. I would rather clean up a dirty diaper on a person with a prolapsed bowel than deal with these teeth every morning. To this day I have a hard time with anything to do with the mouth of others, so much so that I even have a hard time brushing my own son's teeth.
There are many gross things in life, I could list off a few, but honestly for me it's this...gum left behind. I don't see why this has to happen, I don't see how anyone could think that it's okay to leave it here, stick it under tables at restaurants, throw it on the ground for someone to step on. If you must eat it, please, for the love of everything holly, put it where it should go, for me....please!!
I have no idea why this is my favorite elliptical...it maybe because it was the first one I used when I first started, it maybe because it just seems to sit right in the middle of the room, I don't know, but when it's free I am thrilled.
I have a bit of a routine, I like to put my stuff by stuff I am referring to my Ipod, my towel, my water bottle, all on the elliptical and then I go over to the paper towels and spray it generously with disinfectant and proceed to clean it off. If you have ever used a gym you must know that a great number of people, even in the woman's only gym I belong to, do not clean off their equipment after using, which is beyond disgusting if you ask me!! After this ritual is finished I am ready for my workout.
Well today I was shocked by what I found on MY elliptical, I found a chewed up old piece of gum sticking to the ledge on the control panel. This is just gross, gross actually isn't even a strong enough word for how I truly feel about this. Who are these people?? I have to wonder, do they think that is okay, do they think that other's should just have to clean up after them, the real question is, do they think at all.
I have a real problem with things to do with the mouth. I haven't always had this problem, it actually started while I was working at a nursing home on weekends while I was going to college. One of my various jobs was getting the patients ready in the morning, which by the way included getting their teeth out of the solution they had been sitting in all night, brush them, and then place them in the mouths of their owners. This was more than I could handle. I knew that it was an important job, not unlike so many other things that must be done for these wonderful people daily, but this was just beyond gross for me. I hated it. I would rather clean up a dirty diaper on a person with a prolapsed bowel than deal with these teeth every morning. To this day I have a hard time with anything to do with the mouth of others, so much so that I even have a hard time brushing my own son's teeth.
There are many gross things in life, I could list off a few, but honestly for me it's this...gum left behind. I don't see why this has to happen, I don't see how anyone could think that it's okay to leave it here, stick it under tables at restaurants, throw it on the ground for someone to step on. If you must eat it, please, for the love of everything holly, put it where it should go, for me....please!!
Sunday, April 7, 2013
Forgiveness
Forgiveness....difficult for some, not for others. For me, I am a terribly forgiving person, to a fault sometimes. I forgive easily when it comes to things done that had no ill intent, just mistakes, it's forgiving the acts that I feel are intentional that I have more of a problem with.
I don't really believe in grudges, I am more of a lets talk it out and make it better kind of person. I don't like being mad at people, and even dislike people being mad at me more. There isn't much that I can't get over and move beyond, not with most people that is. Yes, I have been known to hold grudges in my life, but I think I have luckily gotten to the age where that just doesn't hold value to me.
Unlike a great number of people, and silly saying I see on facebook, I do believe there are things you can't get past, can't forget. A very wise and dear friend used to say to me, "you know, there are worst things in life than death" and unfortunately I knew what he was talking about. For years he was a reporter for the Toronto Star, in their crime division, and there were things he saw first hand that no one should ever see....not to mention he was of European Jewish decent and had lost countless family members in the Holocaust. He knew first hand that there truly were things worst than death. Those are the types of things that are hard to forgive, and even harder to forget.
I have had things happen to me that I have moved past, but will never forget, or forgive....even though I realize that it is not for them, but for me. I haven't gotten there...at least not yet. I hope one day I will see the value in forgiving those who trespassed against me, but right now I don't.
It is said that forgiveness frees you from being connected to others in a negative way. Quite frankly, their act, that act that you have to forgive connects you permanently...at least as far as I see it.
I wish I was one of those people who could just forgive, forget, and accept it as part of making them better people. I think living your life that way must make things easier.
For the most part my life has been filled with good people, those who are not perfect and although may have hurt me from time to time, but otherwise were good people in my lives. I know that I have had fights, disagreement and maybe even times where I have stopped talking to them for short times, these are the people I can forgive. They didn't do anything intending on hurting others, it's the ones that I feel made conscious choices. The ones I feel came after me just to hurt me that I can't forgive, maybe it's a character flaw, but it is what it is.
I don't really believe in grudges, I am more of a lets talk it out and make it better kind of person. I don't like being mad at people, and even dislike people being mad at me more. There isn't much that I can't get over and move beyond, not with most people that is. Yes, I have been known to hold grudges in my life, but I think I have luckily gotten to the age where that just doesn't hold value to me.
Unlike a great number of people, and silly saying I see on facebook, I do believe there are things you can't get past, can't forget. A very wise and dear friend used to say to me, "you know, there are worst things in life than death" and unfortunately I knew what he was talking about. For years he was a reporter for the Toronto Star, in their crime division, and there were things he saw first hand that no one should ever see....not to mention he was of European Jewish decent and had lost countless family members in the Holocaust. He knew first hand that there truly were things worst than death. Those are the types of things that are hard to forgive, and even harder to forget.
I have had things happen to me that I have moved past, but will never forget, or forgive....even though I realize that it is not for them, but for me. I haven't gotten there...at least not yet. I hope one day I will see the value in forgiving those who trespassed against me, but right now I don't.
It is said that forgiveness frees you from being connected to others in a negative way. Quite frankly, their act, that act that you have to forgive connects you permanently...at least as far as I see it.
I wish I was one of those people who could just forgive, forget, and accept it as part of making them better people. I think living your life that way must make things easier.
For the most part my life has been filled with good people, those who are not perfect and although may have hurt me from time to time, but otherwise were good people in my lives. I know that I have had fights, disagreement and maybe even times where I have stopped talking to them for short times, these are the people I can forgive. They didn't do anything intending on hurting others, it's the ones that I feel made conscious choices. The ones I feel came after me just to hurt me that I can't forgive, maybe it's a character flaw, but it is what it is.
Friday, April 5, 2013
Elliptical...how I love to hate you!
Since joining the gym just after Christmas of this year I have been having a love/hate relationship with the elliptical.
The first time I went to the gym I decided that the elliptical was the harder of the cardio machines, so in my determination to get into the best shape of my life I vowed to beat it to death. That first day I was able to do 7 minutes, at the lowest level, at a 3.4 speed, and it absolutely killed me.
By the end of that week I was doing 20 minutes at about the same speed, and yes it still killed me, but I was determined to kill it.
Now, three months later I am on that thing for an hour at a 7.6 speed, and although I am drenched in sweat by the end I am not dead!
Making goals has been a very important thing for me this last year, it has helped me stay focused and it sure has made me feel good about myself and what I can do. Do I love the elliptical, no, I can honestly say that thing drives me crazy but I'm not going to stop.
Stopping has been my lifetime problem. I have had this problem where when things get really hard I give up, I have given up on diets, on relationships, on my future. The biggest thing that I gave up was the belief that I could succeed. That's a big thing to give up in your life. I thought forever I would be in a too big body, feeling bad about myself, and not looking to the future for any happiness. I thought that all that was going to happen had happened and that nothing good was left to come. Big problem right!! I am grateful that I have found the motivation to believe in the future, to believe in me and what I can do, and to believe that there really isn't anything standing in my way of success other than me. Very valuable.
Life in darkness is no life at all, and I have been intimate friends with darkness. There were times in my life where there really was no light, no reason to get up in the morning, no reason to dream. Unless you have truly been in the darkness you just don't know what it mean. All of us think we know what being depressed is, we say in all the time "I'm so depressed I didn't get to see that movie" things like that. That is not depression, not real depression, but unless you have been there it is just a foreign emotion. Be grateful if you have never been there, as those of us who have been there more than we would like sure wouldn't wish it on our worst enemies.
Life has changed, not only for now, but for good. I look forward to getting up in the morning, I look forward to that sweet time I spend with my son walking to and from school....and believe it or not but I look forward to that daily battle with the elliptical. It is a wonderful life isn't it!
The first time I went to the gym I decided that the elliptical was the harder of the cardio machines, so in my determination to get into the best shape of my life I vowed to beat it to death. That first day I was able to do 7 minutes, at the lowest level, at a 3.4 speed, and it absolutely killed me.
By the end of that week I was doing 20 minutes at about the same speed, and yes it still killed me, but I was determined to kill it.
Now, three months later I am on that thing for an hour at a 7.6 speed, and although I am drenched in sweat by the end I am not dead!
Making goals has been a very important thing for me this last year, it has helped me stay focused and it sure has made me feel good about myself and what I can do. Do I love the elliptical, no, I can honestly say that thing drives me crazy but I'm not going to stop.
Stopping has been my lifetime problem. I have had this problem where when things get really hard I give up, I have given up on diets, on relationships, on my future. The biggest thing that I gave up was the belief that I could succeed. That's a big thing to give up in your life. I thought forever I would be in a too big body, feeling bad about myself, and not looking to the future for any happiness. I thought that all that was going to happen had happened and that nothing good was left to come. Big problem right!! I am grateful that I have found the motivation to believe in the future, to believe in me and what I can do, and to believe that there really isn't anything standing in my way of success other than me. Very valuable.
Life in darkness is no life at all, and I have been intimate friends with darkness. There were times in my life where there really was no light, no reason to get up in the morning, no reason to dream. Unless you have truly been in the darkness you just don't know what it mean. All of us think we know what being depressed is, we say in all the time "I'm so depressed I didn't get to see that movie" things like that. That is not depression, not real depression, but unless you have been there it is just a foreign emotion. Be grateful if you have never been there, as those of us who have been there more than we would like sure wouldn't wish it on our worst enemies.
Life has changed, not only for now, but for good. I look forward to getting up in the morning, I look forward to that sweet time I spend with my son walking to and from school....and believe it or not but I look forward to that daily battle with the elliptical. It is a wonderful life isn't it!
Thursday, April 4, 2013
Drive-in
Going to the drive-in as a kid was always so exciting.
My parents were pretty cheep...so they would have us pretend to be asleep in the back seat so they wouldn't have to pay for us (it was per person back then, they got smart and started charging by car load). So all three of us would snuggle down into blankets on the seats and pretend to be asleep until we were nicely parked in the perfect viewing spot. Then the fun began.
As kids, drive-ins were like a free for all...we got out of our parents cars and would run!! I always headed to the play equipment near the screen, there were always lots of other kids to play with, and I loved to swing for hours. The signal for us to return to our cars was always when the cartoons started...or shortly after starting.
If you have ever been to the drive-in you know what the food was like, well at least at the Stratford Ontario one, where we went, the food was awesome. There was nothing like that fresh popped popcorn, or those to die for hot dogs. The other great thing about going to the drive-in is my parents always let us have pop (soda for those of you in the south). This was a real treat, like going to the drive-in wasn't enough.
The first movie I remember seeing at this location was Jaws (1975). I was 8 (oops, just gave away my age). Before the movie started it was raining, and along with that and the fact that they started the movie before it was completely dark, the head and shoulders scene was too dark for us to see....thank goodness, as now that I have actually seen that part I am glad at the age of 8 I was spared. I did see the rest of the movie, and granted it didn't get easier to watch, I was glued to the screen. I can remember vividly pulling my legs up onto the seat in fear that some large great white was going to take my leg off from the hip down. Later that summer we went to a cottage on the French river in northern Ontario. At some point during that vacation I ran to the end of the dock just as a boat was passing by. As I entered the water, after what I thought was a pretty amazing cannon ball, I felt something scrape across my leg. Well I can tell you, and you have to understand that the fact that this was a fresh water river had no real impact on me, I flew out of that water so fast screaming at the top of my lungs!!! Later we found out that the boat that just past was dragging a small rope behind it and it was that that had rubbed my leg....but that was well after all the people within screaming distance ran to the end of the dock to see if they could save this poor child screaming her lungs out. It's funny now, but I can tell you it was no joke to me then.
The next movie I remember seeing at that location was in 1979. It was the Amityville horror. Yes, again another scary movie that would impact me for many years to come. This time it was not raining and it was totally dark so nothing was left out for me. Those gun shots at the beginning shook me to the bone, and the blood coming out of the walls has stayed in mind to this day. There are times I wake up now around 3:15 and I freeze, unable to move, or go to the bathroom (which is why I would wake at such an hour to begin with). After that movie I literally slept on my parents floor for two weeks....
As a teenager going to the drive-in had many more things to offer than just watching a movie.....boy did we have some fun back then. I never had sex at a drive-in, I wasn't that kind of girl, but there were some massive make out sessions....things that make me blush today just thinking about it. Oh to be young and foolish again....I regress. Friends would gather, fun would be had, and then there was always the whole Stratford kids vs. St. Marys kids, similar to the Jets and the Sharks...no one really knew why we didn't get along, all we knew was it was tradition and tradition was everything. I personally stayed out of all of that, but it was fun hearing about this and that as the night went on. The best nights were the all nighters...where they would show something like 6 movies and you bet your friends as to whether or not you would make it till dawn. I never did....but I sure gave it an honest try.
Those days are over forever I'm afraid, but I sure have some wonderful memories of my times as the drive-in in Stratford Ontario...and I often think about it as I pass what is now an open field, with only the small hills to remind you that it was once a magical place.
My parents were pretty cheep...so they would have us pretend to be asleep in the back seat so they wouldn't have to pay for us (it was per person back then, they got smart and started charging by car load). So all three of us would snuggle down into blankets on the seats and pretend to be asleep until we were nicely parked in the perfect viewing spot. Then the fun began.
As kids, drive-ins were like a free for all...we got out of our parents cars and would run!! I always headed to the play equipment near the screen, there were always lots of other kids to play with, and I loved to swing for hours. The signal for us to return to our cars was always when the cartoons started...or shortly after starting.
If you have ever been to the drive-in you know what the food was like, well at least at the Stratford Ontario one, where we went, the food was awesome. There was nothing like that fresh popped popcorn, or those to die for hot dogs. The other great thing about going to the drive-in is my parents always let us have pop (soda for those of you in the south). This was a real treat, like going to the drive-in wasn't enough.
The first movie I remember seeing at this location was Jaws (1975). I was 8 (oops, just gave away my age). Before the movie started it was raining, and along with that and the fact that they started the movie before it was completely dark, the head and shoulders scene was too dark for us to see....thank goodness, as now that I have actually seen that part I am glad at the age of 8 I was spared. I did see the rest of the movie, and granted it didn't get easier to watch, I was glued to the screen. I can remember vividly pulling my legs up onto the seat in fear that some large great white was going to take my leg off from the hip down. Later that summer we went to a cottage on the French river in northern Ontario. At some point during that vacation I ran to the end of the dock just as a boat was passing by. As I entered the water, after what I thought was a pretty amazing cannon ball, I felt something scrape across my leg. Well I can tell you, and you have to understand that the fact that this was a fresh water river had no real impact on me, I flew out of that water so fast screaming at the top of my lungs!!! Later we found out that the boat that just past was dragging a small rope behind it and it was that that had rubbed my leg....but that was well after all the people within screaming distance ran to the end of the dock to see if they could save this poor child screaming her lungs out. It's funny now, but I can tell you it was no joke to me then.
The next movie I remember seeing at that location was in 1979. It was the Amityville horror. Yes, again another scary movie that would impact me for many years to come. This time it was not raining and it was totally dark so nothing was left out for me. Those gun shots at the beginning shook me to the bone, and the blood coming out of the walls has stayed in mind to this day. There are times I wake up now around 3:15 and I freeze, unable to move, or go to the bathroom (which is why I would wake at such an hour to begin with). After that movie I literally slept on my parents floor for two weeks....
As a teenager going to the drive-in had many more things to offer than just watching a movie.....boy did we have some fun back then. I never had sex at a drive-in, I wasn't that kind of girl, but there were some massive make out sessions....things that make me blush today just thinking about it. Oh to be young and foolish again....I regress. Friends would gather, fun would be had, and then there was always the whole Stratford kids vs. St. Marys kids, similar to the Jets and the Sharks...no one really knew why we didn't get along, all we knew was it was tradition and tradition was everything. I personally stayed out of all of that, but it was fun hearing about this and that as the night went on. The best nights were the all nighters...where they would show something like 6 movies and you bet your friends as to whether or not you would make it till dawn. I never did....but I sure gave it an honest try.
Those days are over forever I'm afraid, but I sure have some wonderful memories of my times as the drive-in in Stratford Ontario...and I often think about it as I pass what is now an open field, with only the small hills to remind you that it was once a magical place.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Control
Control. That word can sound negative, as in "she has to control everything" or it can be a positive, as in "I have taken control of my health". I have found that having some measure of total control in area's in my life lifesavers.
There has been times in my life that I have felt I had no control. I have felt pushed into things, and situations that have not made me happy, but more importantly have made me feel badly about myself and others. There was a time when I felt that I couldn't even so much as control my feelings, that things forced me to feel a certain way and that was it. Not anymore, now I realize that I have control over how I react and feel in most circumstances.
I'm sure you have heard the saying, "You can control your happiness, you can either choose to be happy, or not". This was a foreign concept for me for a very long time. It was my feeling that things controlled how I felt. If someone was mean to me or took advantage of me I felt angry, mad even, now I have learned that what others do to you say more about them than you, so you can choose to hold it, or let it go. I choose letting it go, where before I would hold it...for far too long.
Over the past couple of years I have also learned that I don't have to control everything, but what I do need to do is have boundary's. Boundary's have kept me whole, have allowed me to keep me and not lose me to something or someone else. This has been a hard concept for me, I have been a real all or nothing girl. Either you are around me all the time, or you are around me none of the time. Silly right. For a long time I thought friendship had to do with the time you spent with someone, rather than the connection you had with that person. I thought if you didn't choose to be with me all the time, then you weren't really my friend. So not true as I have found out. I now realize that having boundary's and keeping to those boundary's is a healthy thing. I have learned that lesson in many ways now, both in therapy and in my friendships.
I have a very dear friend, I barely see her, well I actually hardly ever see her. She is a very busy woman, raising three very busy kids, running a business, working hard every single day. I questioned our friendship over the years, wondering if we were really friends, but you know what I learned...I learned that she is a very dear friend, and even if she isn't there, she is always there. She is the person that will offer help when she sees the need, she's the first one on my doorstep in times of crisis, and she often sends sweet thoughtful cards out of no where. I don't question the friendship anymore, I know she is my friend no matter how often I see her, and I will always return that friendship forever.
This is a very hard lesson to teach an 8 year old like my son. He wants to play with his friends all the time, and for a while there I thought it was a good thing...but like so many things, too much of a good thing is just that, too much. I have been trying to teach him the lessons I have learned, that friendship is about connection not about time. It's very hard for him, but I hope that through me he will learn the lesson when he's young and not have that to struggle through as I have.
Now I can see the difference, and I actually find myself distancing myself from people who do not know the difference between having healthy boundary's and having none at all. It's a strange concept for me, recognizing people who are like what I once was. But it's true, if they are always in need of my attention, of my time, I move away. I guess it is just one of those healthy boundary's I have learned. I am interested in making life long friends at this point in my life, and in my opinion, to do that it takes getting to know someone over a long period of time rather than jumping in full throttle and hoping it sticks. I feel good about this change, and I can tell you it was a hard lesson to learn.
Controlling how I live has made my life a much happier place to be. I don't take "being in control" as a negative, but rather having a healthy balance.
There has been times in my life that I have felt I had no control. I have felt pushed into things, and situations that have not made me happy, but more importantly have made me feel badly about myself and others. There was a time when I felt that I couldn't even so much as control my feelings, that things forced me to feel a certain way and that was it. Not anymore, now I realize that I have control over how I react and feel in most circumstances.
I'm sure you have heard the saying, "You can control your happiness, you can either choose to be happy, or not". This was a foreign concept for me for a very long time. It was my feeling that things controlled how I felt. If someone was mean to me or took advantage of me I felt angry, mad even, now I have learned that what others do to you say more about them than you, so you can choose to hold it, or let it go. I choose letting it go, where before I would hold it...for far too long.
Over the past couple of years I have also learned that I don't have to control everything, but what I do need to do is have boundary's. Boundary's have kept me whole, have allowed me to keep me and not lose me to something or someone else. This has been a hard concept for me, I have been a real all or nothing girl. Either you are around me all the time, or you are around me none of the time. Silly right. For a long time I thought friendship had to do with the time you spent with someone, rather than the connection you had with that person. I thought if you didn't choose to be with me all the time, then you weren't really my friend. So not true as I have found out. I now realize that having boundary's and keeping to those boundary's is a healthy thing. I have learned that lesson in many ways now, both in therapy and in my friendships.
I have a very dear friend, I barely see her, well I actually hardly ever see her. She is a very busy woman, raising three very busy kids, running a business, working hard every single day. I questioned our friendship over the years, wondering if we were really friends, but you know what I learned...I learned that she is a very dear friend, and even if she isn't there, she is always there. She is the person that will offer help when she sees the need, she's the first one on my doorstep in times of crisis, and she often sends sweet thoughtful cards out of no where. I don't question the friendship anymore, I know she is my friend no matter how often I see her, and I will always return that friendship forever.
This is a very hard lesson to teach an 8 year old like my son. He wants to play with his friends all the time, and for a while there I thought it was a good thing...but like so many things, too much of a good thing is just that, too much. I have been trying to teach him the lessons I have learned, that friendship is about connection not about time. It's very hard for him, but I hope that through me he will learn the lesson when he's young and not have that to struggle through as I have.
Now I can see the difference, and I actually find myself distancing myself from people who do not know the difference between having healthy boundary's and having none at all. It's a strange concept for me, recognizing people who are like what I once was. But it's true, if they are always in need of my attention, of my time, I move away. I guess it is just one of those healthy boundary's I have learned. I am interested in making life long friends at this point in my life, and in my opinion, to do that it takes getting to know someone over a long period of time rather than jumping in full throttle and hoping it sticks. I feel good about this change, and I can tell you it was a hard lesson to learn.
Controlling how I live has made my life a much happier place to be. I don't take "being in control" as a negative, but rather having a healthy balance.
Tuesday, April 2, 2013
Boobs
Since having bariatric surgery in Sept things sure have changed in my life. Some really good things, but like anything else in life, you have to take the good with the bad.
I have lost a little more than 90 lbs, I have gone down 12 sizes, and have lost my boobs...yes, they are almost completely gone....not a tragedy in my life, but a loss none the less. I will miss them, to some degree, but am grateful for what I have. Believe me, it is a very small price to pay, there are people close to me in my life currently fighting for their life, losing my boobs in nothing compared to what they are going through. So, goodbye boobs, I will miss you but am thankful for what it all means.
Since having surgery I have learned more about me than I ever thought I would. This has opened my eyes up to the person I never thought was inside of me. I have realized just how much I held back before, both personally and with others. I used to think I couldn't do things, simply because I couldn't manage, now, well there isn't anything I don't feel I can do...the world is my oyster, I just have to crack it.
Being out with people has also changed dramatically in my life. I am not afraid to talk, get involved, be present in the lives of others. I look forward to meeting new people, where before I used to hide behind my partner, letting her make the connections. There was always this feeling that if I were to bring attention to me no one would want to be around me, so I hid, hoping they would stick around without really seeing me. Today I want them to see me, I want to see them, and look forward to my daily encounters with others.
I joined the gym, and have made it a daily activity. One of the least talked about issues faced by a bariatric patient is that of muscle loss. Very few professionals, as well as other bariatric patients talk about what this really means. The average bariatric patient can lose up to 80% of their muscle mass during their weight loss. This is very scary, as your heart is your biggest muscle. Weight training and doing regular cardio workouts are very, very important. I have made it my goal to not only lose the weight I need to lose, but to be in the very best shape I can be in...for once in my life. I feel sorry for those who have used this tool simply just to lose the weight, but never working on muscle gain and cardiovascular wellness...as it's inevitable that they will find that the scale will creep back up and also will not find the true health that is within their grasp. I have never been an athletic person, in fact, I have always been the least athletic person I knew. Not now, this has been my goal from the day I had surgery, by getting out of that hospital bed three hours after surgery to walk the halls and never sitting down, to walking 5 k two weeks after surgery, to today where on the average I am walking 6 to 7 miles a day. It is what I wanted this surgery for, and I am proud that I have stuck to it.
There is little that can slow me down now, apart from the aches that I experience from working my muscles hard everyday, there really isn't anything. This surgery was the best thing I have ever done for me, it's given me a life I never knew I could have and it's open my world up to so many new and exciting things. Finally the future is bright, I have so much to look forward to, and I can enjoy my child in a way I never have had the energy to before. I am grateful beyond belief and couldn't be more thankful!
I have lost a little more than 90 lbs, I have gone down 12 sizes, and have lost my boobs...yes, they are almost completely gone....not a tragedy in my life, but a loss none the less. I will miss them, to some degree, but am grateful for what I have. Believe me, it is a very small price to pay, there are people close to me in my life currently fighting for their life, losing my boobs in nothing compared to what they are going through. So, goodbye boobs, I will miss you but am thankful for what it all means.
Since having surgery I have learned more about me than I ever thought I would. This has opened my eyes up to the person I never thought was inside of me. I have realized just how much I held back before, both personally and with others. I used to think I couldn't do things, simply because I couldn't manage, now, well there isn't anything I don't feel I can do...the world is my oyster, I just have to crack it.
Being out with people has also changed dramatically in my life. I am not afraid to talk, get involved, be present in the lives of others. I look forward to meeting new people, where before I used to hide behind my partner, letting her make the connections. There was always this feeling that if I were to bring attention to me no one would want to be around me, so I hid, hoping they would stick around without really seeing me. Today I want them to see me, I want to see them, and look forward to my daily encounters with others.
I joined the gym, and have made it a daily activity. One of the least talked about issues faced by a bariatric patient is that of muscle loss. Very few professionals, as well as other bariatric patients talk about what this really means. The average bariatric patient can lose up to 80% of their muscle mass during their weight loss. This is very scary, as your heart is your biggest muscle. Weight training and doing regular cardio workouts are very, very important. I have made it my goal to not only lose the weight I need to lose, but to be in the very best shape I can be in...for once in my life. I feel sorry for those who have used this tool simply just to lose the weight, but never working on muscle gain and cardiovascular wellness...as it's inevitable that they will find that the scale will creep back up and also will not find the true health that is within their grasp. I have never been an athletic person, in fact, I have always been the least athletic person I knew. Not now, this has been my goal from the day I had surgery, by getting out of that hospital bed three hours after surgery to walk the halls and never sitting down, to walking 5 k two weeks after surgery, to today where on the average I am walking 6 to 7 miles a day. It is what I wanted this surgery for, and I am proud that I have stuck to it.
There is little that can slow me down now, apart from the aches that I experience from working my muscles hard everyday, there really isn't anything. This surgery was the best thing I have ever done for me, it's given me a life I never knew I could have and it's open my world up to so many new and exciting things. Finally the future is bright, I have so much to look forward to, and I can enjoy my child in a way I never have had the energy to before. I am grateful beyond belief and couldn't be more thankful!
Monday, April 1, 2013
Blogging A-Z
It's April first, and this is no joke.
I have decided to do the blogging A-Z challenge this year, and although I am not sure I will have the time daily to do this, I am sure going to try.
Today is day one, which means that it's an A word....well, the word I have come up with for this, the beginning of the challenge is alarm. Why alarm, well I don't have a great reason behind it, I actually just opened an dictionary and picked the first "A" word I found, and alarm was it.
When Zeb was in daycare, I think he might have been three, there was a day that would forever change his life. This particular day the fire alarms kept going off, and it ended up forever scaring my kid.
His daycare was at the college here where we live. It was a wonderful place to put your child, great care, two way mirrors, and lots of various kinds of kids for my kid to get to know. I loved the school, loved the teachers, and until this particular day felt that there was nothing there that would ever hurt my kid.
Apparently there were some students in the college that day that thought it was funny to go around all day pulling fire alarms. Well, this was not funny to my kid....or to his two moms. He came home that day like he had been in a war zone with bombs going off left and right. He was scared, shaken and really beside himself. Nothing we said or did made him feel better about the day, he was scared.
To this day fire alarms set him off, like nothing else we have ever encountered. He is afraid of fire, afraid of even the thoughts of fire, and certainly gave up the slightest thought of ever being a fireman...not that he ever expressed that desire, but he never ever suggested that to us like any other none scared boy would.
Alarms are funny things, some come in small intuitions, some come as loud head banging sounds. I often have small alarms go off in my head when I know something isn't right, doesn't feel good, or when I know I have done something I should have. It's a 6th sense with me. When I hear that soft feeling in my head I have two choices, to either listen to it, or not. If I don't listen to it, it gets louder and louder until I do. I have learned over the years to listen to the soft sound, before it gets so loud it make me feel sick.
Alarms are great things, they warn us of danger, both real and figurative. I feel bad for my little boy, who never wants to hear another alarm for the rest of his life, but I am grateful to the soft telling ones I get.
Hope you enjoy my A-Z challenge, stay tuned daily.....
I have decided to do the blogging A-Z challenge this year, and although I am not sure I will have the time daily to do this, I am sure going to try.
Today is day one, which means that it's an A word....well, the word I have come up with for this, the beginning of the challenge is alarm. Why alarm, well I don't have a great reason behind it, I actually just opened an dictionary and picked the first "A" word I found, and alarm was it.
When Zeb was in daycare, I think he might have been three, there was a day that would forever change his life. This particular day the fire alarms kept going off, and it ended up forever scaring my kid.
His daycare was at the college here where we live. It was a wonderful place to put your child, great care, two way mirrors, and lots of various kinds of kids for my kid to get to know. I loved the school, loved the teachers, and until this particular day felt that there was nothing there that would ever hurt my kid.
Apparently there were some students in the college that day that thought it was funny to go around all day pulling fire alarms. Well, this was not funny to my kid....or to his two moms. He came home that day like he had been in a war zone with bombs going off left and right. He was scared, shaken and really beside himself. Nothing we said or did made him feel better about the day, he was scared.
To this day fire alarms set him off, like nothing else we have ever encountered. He is afraid of fire, afraid of even the thoughts of fire, and certainly gave up the slightest thought of ever being a fireman...not that he ever expressed that desire, but he never ever suggested that to us like any other none scared boy would.
Alarms are funny things, some come in small intuitions, some come as loud head banging sounds. I often have small alarms go off in my head when I know something isn't right, doesn't feel good, or when I know I have done something I should have. It's a 6th sense with me. When I hear that soft feeling in my head I have two choices, to either listen to it, or not. If I don't listen to it, it gets louder and louder until I do. I have learned over the years to listen to the soft sound, before it gets so loud it make me feel sick.
Alarms are great things, they warn us of danger, both real and figurative. I feel bad for my little boy, who never wants to hear another alarm for the rest of his life, but I am grateful to the soft telling ones I get.
Hope you enjoy my A-Z challenge, stay tuned daily.....
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