Forgiveness

Forgiveness....difficult for some, not for others.  For me, I am a terribly forgiving person, to a fault sometimes.  I forgive easily when it comes to things done that had no ill intent, just mistakes, it's forgiving the acts that I feel are intentional that I have more of a problem with.

I don't really believe in grudges, I am more of a lets talk it out and make it better kind of person.  I don't like being mad at people, and even dislike people being mad at me more.  There isn't much that I can't get over and move beyond, not with most people that is.  Yes, I have been known to hold grudges in my life, but I think I have luckily gotten to the age where that just doesn't hold value to me.

Unlike a great number of people, and silly saying I see on facebook, I do believe there are things you can't get past, can't forget.  A very wise and dear friend used to say to me, "you know, there are worst things in life than death" and unfortunately I knew what he was talking about.  For years he was a reporter for the Toronto Star, in their crime division, and there were things he saw first hand that no one should ever see....not to mention he was of European Jewish decent and had lost countless family members in the Holocaust.  He knew first hand that there truly were things worst than death.  Those are the types of things that are hard to forgive, and even harder to forget.

I have had things happen to me that I have moved past, but will never forget, or forgive....even though I realize that it is not for them, but for me.  I haven't gotten there...at least not yet.  I hope one day I will see the value in forgiving those who trespassed against me, but right now I don't. 

It is said that forgiveness frees you from being connected to others in a negative way.  Quite frankly, their act, that act that you have to forgive connects you permanently...at least as far as I see it. 

I wish I was one of those people who could just forgive, forget, and accept it as part of making them better people.  I think living your life that way must make things easier. 

For the most part my life has been filled with good people, those who are not perfect and although may have hurt me from time to time, but otherwise were good people in my lives.  I know that I have had fights, disagreement and maybe even times where I have stopped talking to them for short times, these are the people I can forgive.  They didn't do anything intending on hurting others, it's the ones that I feel made conscious choices.  The ones I feel came after me just to hurt me that I can't forgive, maybe it's a character flaw, but it is what it is.