This may come as a surprise, but I have to admit it anyways. I am not perfect. I know, I'm as shocked as you are to read this.....it's no laughing matter. I know, most of us think we are perfect, we think we do no wrong, we think that our shit doesn't stink, but I am just now realizing I have a long way to go to reach perfection.
There are things I do that after I do then I wonder "why on earth did I do that" or "say that" or "act that way" or "react that way". Yes, believe it or not but I have been known to talk about people behind their backs. No, not to hurt necessarily, however I am sure if those people where to hear what I was saying they would be hurt. I have always said that it's more about venting, rather than having ill intent. I can't help it, I have tried to fix this, I have tried to stop, but the honest truth is some people just drive me nuts and if I don't share it with trusted people in my life I might explode. Literally. Yes, I am not perfect, not at all.
I have been known to put myself first, yes ahead of even my child at times. I'm not talking about the ways we have to put ourselves ahead of or children, like when you need to put the oxygen mask on first before you can help you child, I mean in ways that have nothing to do with him. There are times I ask him to go play so that I can enjoy my second cup of coffee on a Saturday morning. There have been times where I have asked him to go watch tv just so that I can go to my room and read my book. Yes, selfish I know, I am not perfect.
There have been times where I have sped up in a store in order to not be behind the elderly woman in line. Yes, I have been known to speed pass, wind whipping that woman's hair just so that I can be first. I am not perfect, I need to work on this....but the fact is this, there are just times I am not in the mood to stand behind someone slow, someone who takes the time to do a bit of socializing while they do their transactions. There are times I just want to be first. Yes, I admit it, I want to be first! Ugh. I know, I need to work on this.
I have been know to stick a particular finger out the window at other drivers. Yes, I am not perfect. There have been times where I am just not in the mood to almost get hit while driving down the road, or being cut off, or have someone steal the parking spot I have been patiently waiting for. I know, I should turn the other cheek, but I can't for some reason at times. I know I need to work on these things. I know I do.
Not being perfect has hit me hard. I don't know if I can handle the real truth, but I will have to try. I mean, really.... I should feel too bad, I am human after all. I can tell myself that there are lots of people worse than me, lots of people who don't ever do good, but the true fact of the matter is we are all human. We all make mistakes, we all do things we shake our heads at after we have done them. Does it excuse our behavior, no, but no one is perfect and that's the honest truth. The thing I have to try to remember is this, every single day I get a brand new chance to start from scratch. Yes, there will always be those people who will always focus on the wrongs you have done, but those people don't mean anything. I can do it differently, every single day working on improvement. Some day's I might make inroads, and some day's I may go back to the same routine. The focus for me is just to keep trying, I mean isn't that all we can do, try??
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