From the minute Damie and I got together we knew we wanted to have kids. Not an easy task when there is no man in the picture, but none the less we new we wanted them.
I had always wanted to be a mother. At some point in my teens I started to say, "if I am not married by 27 I am having kids no matter what". I told everyone my plan, and I was happy with that decision. Somewhere deep down I must have known that I would not live a conventional life, certainly not the life that an average girl was going to live.
By the time Damie and I had been together for 3 yrs it became more pressing for us to start a family. I was 37, my clock was almost finished ticking and I knew we only had a window of time before we would run out of healthy opportunity. Damie was 10 yrs younger, but did not have a burning desire to carry a child, I know she would have if the need arose, but honestly I was our better option. We had no idea how it was going to happen or with what it was going to happen, but we always knew that it would happen.
Now at this time in our relationship we were dirt poor. Damie was working at her first full time paralegal position at a firm in downtown Houston, I was working at the Theatre as a stage manager. We were working all the time, but just scraping by. We couldn't afford another mouth to feed, not really, we couldn't afford to feed ourselves well. I have extreme doubts about whether or not to even think about a baby, but I knew I was running out of time. It wasn't until after a conversation with a good friend that I gave into my wants and decided to make it happen. The words of advice my friend gave me was, "if you are going to wait until everything is perfect like having lots of money, your own home, cars etc. the time will never come because it will never be perfect something will always get in the way". She was right, I needed to do it now, but how?
Damie and I were not above asking men we ran across if they would be interested in a small donation, but we actually never really took it very seriously. It never in million years dawned on us that anyone would ever actually be willing to do such a thing, at least not without having joint custody or some other crippling demands. What we wanted was a donor and that was it. We didn't want the added pressure of trying to make sure someone else was happy, the situation was already going to be hard enough. What we were willing to do was to raise the child as our own, and maybe a donor could act as a nice uncle or something, nothing with any real requirements. We felt this way the child would not be confused by who was the real parents and who wasn't as well as we didn't want to bring someone in their life that may turn out to be wishy washy, showing up some of the time, not being the real father the child would want that sort of thing. We just felt it would be easier and safer for all if we just stuck to doner and that's it.
I had stopped working at the theatre for several months, they got a little worried about the lack of work visa and were afraid that they might get caught. It was post 911 and everything changed after that. There were serious consequences for hiring undocumented workers, and the theatre was just in a place where they were going to become big and they didn't want to jeopardize that. I can't blame them one bit, plus I was done with all the shit that went on there anyway, I was only doing it for the money. The parting was very amicable, and I for one did not have any hard feelings towards any of them. Because of the friendships we had made, and our desire to see it succeed we decided to pay the 50/person price and attend their gala that year. Neither Damie nor I would have thought that by going to that gala our lives would be changed forever.
Theatre gala's are typically alot of fun. There is lots of music, laughter and the wine flows like water. I enjoy a glass or two of wine from time to time and this was no exception. I was enjoying my night, moving from table to table having nice conversations with lots of people when I came across a table full of newer actors to the theatre. They were all having a good time, also enjoying a few glasses of wine, when the conversation of kids came up. I don't know if I brought it up or someone else did but that doesn't matter, what does matter is that there was an actor sitting at the table that would change our lives. He heard what I was saying about wanting a baby, and not having any luck so far, he was interested and pulled me aside to talk. The first thing he said to me is "I'll do it! I would love to help you guys have a baby that would be amazing." I kind of stood there with my mouth hanging down wondering if this guy was real and if what I was hearing was true, or was it the wine talking. I told him that would be great and that we should talk about it again in a week or so and mash out the details. He was good with that, and that is where we left it. I went back to my mingling, and he went back to his table.
I don't think I even told Damie about the conversation until the next day. I wasn't taking it seriously, and after I told her she thought it was likely the wine and nothing more. We kind of forgot about it. A couple of days later the phone rang and it was him. Damie answered and the first thing he said to her, after hi was "so when are we going to make a baby?" Damie couldn't believe what she was hearing and turn to me with this expression on her face that I had only seen a few times from her. She got off the phone and told me all about the conversation. We were all going to meet up later that day and hash it all out. I was shocked that he really wanted to do it.
We had agreed on all the details, and had decided we would start trying the next month. Damie and I went to her uncle the Dr and got some sterilized syringes (no turkey baster for me) and a few specimen containers and that was all we were going to need. We had it all worked out. He would come to our place, we would leave him alone in the living room where he would watch a video of his liking-hint hint- and we would wait outside on the communal balcony. When he was all done he would come to the door and let us know and then go across the street to the coffee shop and wait for us to do our end of the process. We did this for three days straight and then we waiting until we could do a test a few weeks later.
Damie and I spent the next few weeks excited, nervous and doubting it worked. He called us everyday to see if we knew anything, which we didn't because if we had he would have been the first call we made. It was a long wait for all of us. The day came when the test said I could do a test. It did say it was the earliest you could try, so I wasn't holding out any hope that we would get a positive, and we didn't. I kept telling myself it was too early, we should wait another week. We waiting another week and tried again, nope not pregnant. We waiting another few days and did another test, nope. Both of us were okay with it, we knew it wouldn't happen the first time so we were not at all bummed. I had always said, I totally leave it up to God, if he wants this to happen it will if not, we gave it our best shot. In my heart I know Damie and I would be just as happy without a child as we would be with one, so I was at peace with whatever happened. Now all we had to do is wait for my cycle to start again so we could try again. We waited, and waited and waited and it never started...I had no idea what was up so I did another test. This time we had two beautiful lines and we knew we were the luckiest people in the world. We asked if he wanted to meet up with us for dinner that night, and he did. Just after the drinks were brought to the table we told him the good news...he cried like a baby. And that is how Zeb came to be.
Wednesday, January 18, 2012
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Day 8
I have a cold. No surprise really considering the insane weather we have been having. If you were to ask me what season I like the best I would always answer all of them. Having said that, I do like the seasons to be what they are suppose to be. I want winter to be winter. I want to count on the fact that from Nov to April every year we will have snow on the ground, that we will need to bundle up before going outside, and that the temperatures get colder and colder as the days go on. Raining in January is just not at all what I call winter, and it does not make me happy at all.
The past two days have been filled with lots of green tea (I like the blueberry flavor) and warm meals, and a lot of rest. Yesterday Zeb was home with me, as he is also suffering through a cold. We both bundled ourselves up all day and enjoyed relaxing together on the couch. He watched his TV shows, and I napped most of the time, it was in a way a very nice day for the two of us. There were times I could tell he was thinking he was taking care of me, and I let him think that. It makes him feel grown up, and responsible and I like that he feels that way from time to time. He made sure I had something to drink, and that my head was on the pillow, and that the phone didn't bother me. What a sweet boy I have. I hate feeling sick, even if it is just a cold. I don't like bumming the day away, knowing there are so many things I should be doing but can't. I also know that if I don't settle down and just rest I will make something small into something big and then I will really regret it, having had pneumonia twice I worry about that with ever sniffle I get. I can't wait until this things passes and I can get on with it.
So I let myself watch the Golden Globes on Sunday, simply because I wanted to see first hand what Ricky had up his sleeve. Gosh was I disappointed. I think he wimped out or something, either that or the network threatened him with something, either way I was disappointed. I was looking forward to some spats with this celebrity or that one, but that didn't happen. I can tell you what I didn't much like. I didn't much like the fact that Seth Rogen decided that it was appropriate to talk about an erection. I was thankful Zeb was not watching with us, as that is just not a conversation I am looking forward to and I don't think someone else should decide for me when I have it. I sure didn't much like the fact that Madonna felt this need to explain all the things she did to make her movie and her song a success.....sort of full of yourself a bit? I loved Meryl Streep, I always love the way she is graceful and elegant and also very funny and poignant. I love that no matter how incredible everyone else thinks she is, she doesn't think it has as much to do with her, but rather the wonderful support she receives from those around her. All in all it was a pretty boring show, one that I will be removing from my watching schedule next year. I am actually thinking all reward shows should really stop being aired. Do we really care who they decide has the most popularity this year? Not me.
Last night I poached my first fish. I have never eaten fish poached, but I decided last night we would all give it a try. I poached the fish in a white wine reduction, which included an bay leaf, two cloves of garlic, a bunch of onion, lemon and some salt and pepper to taste. The taste of the fish was glorious, but we were not exactly thrilled by the texture. Along with the fish we has something new (at least new to us) something called quinoa, which is like Bulgar or couscous. We love couscous and this stuff was nothing like it. It had a bitter aftertaste that none of us liked so we will be using couscous from here out.
Today we were given the newest updates on my dad. He had a biopsy done a couple of weeks ago on his lung, this was done so that he could have proof that he did in fact have cancer. Today he was told that he does in fact have cancer in his lungs as well as at the base of his spine. The cancer at the base of his spine is causing him a great deal of pain, making it very difficult to move, sleep, go to the bathroom etc. They have decided that they will do radiation to kill the nerve endings in the area so that they can make him pain free for now. At least that is the hope. We are hoping that if he could just be out of pain, then at the very least the last few months of his life may be more manageable. I am hoping that maybe we can get a little of him back just long enough to enjoy some of the time we have left.
I really never realized until now how difficult it is having your parents age and get sick, while you are still caring for your children. I feel quite torn, I need to be here with Zeb, but I also feel that I need to be there with them. Being 3 hrs away makes it all just so complicated, I can't just run over to say hi or bring them a meal. I can't run some errands for my mom, or even give her some time to go do something for herself. I am also realizing how important it is to have someone there that can make logical decisions for her, that she seems unable to make such as where to get the car fixed when it breaks down. Last week their car wouldn't start, now this car is 6 yrs old and a Ford, enough said about that. She called the Ford place where they bought it (they decided to keep the business in town when they purchased this vehicle, which has not been the case for years). Well they came and towed the car up to the dealership and took a look at it. They told her she needed an new alternator and a new battery, and they also told her it would be 500.00 for the parts. They brought by a loaner car on Sat. and promised to have the car fixed on Monday. Well, she went out to the car at some point on Sat to discover that they had left a car for her to use with no gas in it, the light was on, so she wasn't going to use it. They called Monday afternoon to tell her the car was fixed and the total was 1050.00. I can't flipping believe it. What a bunch of crooks. I wish I was there for them with these sorts of things, I could have fixed it myself for half that.
I hope tomorrow the sun shines because I need to see some brightness!
The past two days have been filled with lots of green tea (I like the blueberry flavor) and warm meals, and a lot of rest. Yesterday Zeb was home with me, as he is also suffering through a cold. We both bundled ourselves up all day and enjoyed relaxing together on the couch. He watched his TV shows, and I napped most of the time, it was in a way a very nice day for the two of us. There were times I could tell he was thinking he was taking care of me, and I let him think that. It makes him feel grown up, and responsible and I like that he feels that way from time to time. He made sure I had something to drink, and that my head was on the pillow, and that the phone didn't bother me. What a sweet boy I have. I hate feeling sick, even if it is just a cold. I don't like bumming the day away, knowing there are so many things I should be doing but can't. I also know that if I don't settle down and just rest I will make something small into something big and then I will really regret it, having had pneumonia twice I worry about that with ever sniffle I get. I can't wait until this things passes and I can get on with it.
So I let myself watch the Golden Globes on Sunday, simply because I wanted to see first hand what Ricky had up his sleeve. Gosh was I disappointed. I think he wimped out or something, either that or the network threatened him with something, either way I was disappointed. I was looking forward to some spats with this celebrity or that one, but that didn't happen. I can tell you what I didn't much like. I didn't much like the fact that Seth Rogen decided that it was appropriate to talk about an erection. I was thankful Zeb was not watching with us, as that is just not a conversation I am looking forward to and I don't think someone else should decide for me when I have it. I sure didn't much like the fact that Madonna felt this need to explain all the things she did to make her movie and her song a success.....sort of full of yourself a bit? I loved Meryl Streep, I always love the way she is graceful and elegant and also very funny and poignant. I love that no matter how incredible everyone else thinks she is, she doesn't think it has as much to do with her, but rather the wonderful support she receives from those around her. All in all it was a pretty boring show, one that I will be removing from my watching schedule next year. I am actually thinking all reward shows should really stop being aired. Do we really care who they decide has the most popularity this year? Not me.
Last night I poached my first fish. I have never eaten fish poached, but I decided last night we would all give it a try. I poached the fish in a white wine reduction, which included an bay leaf, two cloves of garlic, a bunch of onion, lemon and some salt and pepper to taste. The taste of the fish was glorious, but we were not exactly thrilled by the texture. Along with the fish we has something new (at least new to us) something called quinoa, which is like Bulgar or couscous. We love couscous and this stuff was nothing like it. It had a bitter aftertaste that none of us liked so we will be using couscous from here out.
Today we were given the newest updates on my dad. He had a biopsy done a couple of weeks ago on his lung, this was done so that he could have proof that he did in fact have cancer. Today he was told that he does in fact have cancer in his lungs as well as at the base of his spine. The cancer at the base of his spine is causing him a great deal of pain, making it very difficult to move, sleep, go to the bathroom etc. They have decided that they will do radiation to kill the nerve endings in the area so that they can make him pain free for now. At least that is the hope. We are hoping that if he could just be out of pain, then at the very least the last few months of his life may be more manageable. I am hoping that maybe we can get a little of him back just long enough to enjoy some of the time we have left.
I really never realized until now how difficult it is having your parents age and get sick, while you are still caring for your children. I feel quite torn, I need to be here with Zeb, but I also feel that I need to be there with them. Being 3 hrs away makes it all just so complicated, I can't just run over to say hi or bring them a meal. I can't run some errands for my mom, or even give her some time to go do something for herself. I am also realizing how important it is to have someone there that can make logical decisions for her, that she seems unable to make such as where to get the car fixed when it breaks down. Last week their car wouldn't start, now this car is 6 yrs old and a Ford, enough said about that. She called the Ford place where they bought it (they decided to keep the business in town when they purchased this vehicle, which has not been the case for years). Well they came and towed the car up to the dealership and took a look at it. They told her she needed an new alternator and a new battery, and they also told her it would be 500.00 for the parts. They brought by a loaner car on Sat. and promised to have the car fixed on Monday. Well, she went out to the car at some point on Sat to discover that they had left a car for her to use with no gas in it, the light was on, so she wasn't going to use it. They called Monday afternoon to tell her the car was fixed and the total was 1050.00. I can't flipping believe it. What a bunch of crooks. I wish I was there for them with these sorts of things, I could have fixed it myself for half that.
I hope tomorrow the sun shines because I need to see some brightness!
Sunday, January 15, 2012
Happiness is...a warm puppy!
Happiness is, wrapping my little boy up in blankets straight out of the dryer and hearing him say, "awe this is the life".
Happiness is, watching my little boy ride down a hill in an inflattable sled on a sunny winters day, and seeing the smile on his face after he hits the ramp and fly's through the air.
Happiness is, laying on Zeb's bed and hearing him sing "Defining gravity" with everything he's got.
Happiness is, listening to Damie and Zeb talk about where babies come from while Damie is making dinner.
Happiness is, having Zeb crawl into bed with me on a cold winter's morning asking to snuggle closer and closer.
Happiness is, watching Zeb play with Brooklyn in the snow and hearing his laugh echo in my ears.
Happiness is, knowing Damie will be home any minute and not being able to stop glancing out the window for her to pull in.
Happiness is, giving Zeb a back massage every night and having him fall asleep in the middle of it.
Happiness is, eating right all day and feeling good about it, and myself.
Happiness is, hearing the phone ring and it being someone I was just thinking about.
Happiness is, crawling into bed on a cold night and finding my spot warmed up before I got there.
Happiness is, knowing my family is happy and safe.
Happiness is, having the whole house clean at the same time.
What makes you happy??
Happiness is, watching my little boy ride down a hill in an inflattable sled on a sunny winters day, and seeing the smile on his face after he hits the ramp and fly's through the air.
Happiness is, laying on Zeb's bed and hearing him sing "Defining gravity" with everything he's got.
Happiness is, listening to Damie and Zeb talk about where babies come from while Damie is making dinner.
Happiness is, having Zeb crawl into bed with me on a cold winter's morning asking to snuggle closer and closer.
Happiness is, watching Zeb play with Brooklyn in the snow and hearing his laugh echo in my ears.
Happiness is, knowing Damie will be home any minute and not being able to stop glancing out the window for her to pull in.
Happiness is, giving Zeb a back massage every night and having him fall asleep in the middle of it.
Happiness is, eating right all day and feeling good about it, and myself.
Happiness is, hearing the phone ring and it being someone I was just thinking about.
Happiness is, crawling into bed on a cold night and finding my spot warmed up before I got there.
Happiness is, knowing my family is happy and safe.
Happiness is, having the whole house clean at the same time.
What makes you happy??
Saturday, January 14, 2012
Day 6
Well, it's been a crazy couple of days around the house. And no, I haven't blogged the last couple of day and I can assure you it has had nothing to do with have the new video game in the house heehee!!
I applied to a job last week, and let me start off by telling you about the application process. What you don't have to do these days to get an interview. Well, I saw this job on the job bank that caught my eye. Seemed like it was right up my ally, a little bit customer service, a little bit driving, a little bit warehouse work...all of things I know a lot about. Well, I go to their web site and I click that I would in deed like to apply for their advertised position. Well, right off the bat I knew I was in a bit of trouble when they said the "TEST" would take about an hour of your time and you had to keep going or else your answers would not be counted. In other words, turn the phones off and do it when the kid is not around or else you will FAIL FAIL FAIL!! I picked a good time of day to do it, and I began the test. Well, let me tell you I have no idea how I did cause I didn't finish the thing. They gave you 10 minutes to do 20 questions and I ran out of time after question 7. This went on and on, and I never did finish anything they timed me at. Then there was the 300 questions to determine you personality...you know the test. They ask the same five questions over and over just in a different way so that they can decide if you are a serial killer of something. I find the whole thing monotonous. I wish you could go somewhere, maybe a government facility and have the test taken, sort of like a passport, and then when someone asks you to do these tests you can just hand them your "official" personality test so that you don't have to keep doing these over and over. Well, I finished their 1 hr and 20 min test and sent off my results to their head office and I forgot all about it. Well if they didn't call me Thursday to set up an interview on Friday. I love that so much!! I hate it when companies call on Monday and say, "oh we are setting up interviews next week on Monday, Thursday and Friday and we would like to have you in, we have an opening on Friday at 4:15 would that work for you?" I can't stand that for two reasons. First I have to worry about the thing for more than a week and they are interviewing for three days and obviously I am so far down in the pile that I barely made it in before the final second of interviewing. I just felt so good about, can you come in a 3 tomorrow. You bet ya I will be there at three, and I was. I felt really good before the interview, not nervous at all. I wanted to feel good so that I would win them over with my pleasing personality :) heehee! The interview went well. You always know when it's going well when there is more than one person interviewing you and they are talking over each other to ask you questions. I love the idea of this job, it's only a few hours a week at first, but will in fact move to full time it is just the way they hire. Also, they are a global company and the idea of growing with them into new countries sounds wonderful to me. Damie and I would love to experience different countries with Zeb and working all over sure would be interesting. Anyway, they called before I could get home and did not leave a message so I am hoping on Monday I have good news!!!
Damie and I have been watching what we are eating for a while now, and we have decided to stop dieting. I am so sick of dieting. I have dieted my whole life and you wouldn't think I have dieted a day. Sad to say, but it is oh so true. What we have decided to do with our nutrition is to watch what is going into our mouths and make sure we are getting the biggest bang for our buck. To do that we have done some research and chosen our 15 super food foods. This list is:
1. Low fat or fat free yogurt or another dairy option like skim milk. This gives us lots of calcium and protein, as well as potassium.
2. Eggs - they have 12 vitamins
3. Nuts - one oz a day of any sort expect peanut.
4. Kiwi's
5. Quinoa
6. Beans - lentils
7. Salmon and any other fish with low mercury levels
8. Broccoli
9. Sweet potatoes
10. Berries of all sorts and colours
11. Green or black tea
12. Wheat grass
13. Tomatoes
14. Oats
15. Turkey
What we are doing is making sure we have at least 4 super foods a day, if not more, but also we do not limit our daily food intake to only super foods. There are more meats than turkey that we eat, but all in moderation and all organic. We are also eating a certain amount of calories daily (and this total is calculated by taking our total weight, then we determine our resting calorie use daily, which means how many calories do we use daily just to exist based on our weight, and then we reduce that number and that is what we eat.) Gone is the idea that all you can eat is 1200 calories a day if you are female, because that is not the number for all. That is a great number if you only have 20 lbs to lose, but Lord that is not me!!
A couple of years ago I decided that what I wanted was to have gastric by-pass surgery to fix my weight issues. I went to the Dr and got put on a waiting list for 6 months and then got called in to start the process, that was a year ago. I have spent the last year working the process which includes meeting with a dietitian, and social worker, a doctor, having loads of tests done and waiting your turn. I have done all that and still am not where I should be in my mind. I want to fix my weight issues, but to tell you the truth, ever since I put my name on that list for that surgery I have gained 30 lbs. I am beginning to think, it's not at all about how you do it, but rather than that you do do it!
This is just the beginning of a very long journey, but I will get there!
I applied to a job last week, and let me start off by telling you about the application process. What you don't have to do these days to get an interview. Well, I saw this job on the job bank that caught my eye. Seemed like it was right up my ally, a little bit customer service, a little bit driving, a little bit warehouse work...all of things I know a lot about. Well, I go to their web site and I click that I would in deed like to apply for their advertised position. Well, right off the bat I knew I was in a bit of trouble when they said the "TEST" would take about an hour of your time and you had to keep going or else your answers would not be counted. In other words, turn the phones off and do it when the kid is not around or else you will FAIL FAIL FAIL!! I picked a good time of day to do it, and I began the test. Well, let me tell you I have no idea how I did cause I didn't finish the thing. They gave you 10 minutes to do 20 questions and I ran out of time after question 7. This went on and on, and I never did finish anything they timed me at. Then there was the 300 questions to determine you personality...you know the test. They ask the same five questions over and over just in a different way so that they can decide if you are a serial killer of something. I find the whole thing monotonous. I wish you could go somewhere, maybe a government facility and have the test taken, sort of like a passport, and then when someone asks you to do these tests you can just hand them your "official" personality test so that you don't have to keep doing these over and over. Well, I finished their 1 hr and 20 min test and sent off my results to their head office and I forgot all about it. Well if they didn't call me Thursday to set up an interview on Friday. I love that so much!! I hate it when companies call on Monday and say, "oh we are setting up interviews next week on Monday, Thursday and Friday and we would like to have you in, we have an opening on Friday at 4:15 would that work for you?" I can't stand that for two reasons. First I have to worry about the thing for more than a week and they are interviewing for three days and obviously I am so far down in the pile that I barely made it in before the final second of interviewing. I just felt so good about, can you come in a 3 tomorrow. You bet ya I will be there at three, and I was. I felt really good before the interview, not nervous at all. I wanted to feel good so that I would win them over with my pleasing personality :) heehee! The interview went well. You always know when it's going well when there is more than one person interviewing you and they are talking over each other to ask you questions. I love the idea of this job, it's only a few hours a week at first, but will in fact move to full time it is just the way they hire. Also, they are a global company and the idea of growing with them into new countries sounds wonderful to me. Damie and I would love to experience different countries with Zeb and working all over sure would be interesting. Anyway, they called before I could get home and did not leave a message so I am hoping on Monday I have good news!!!
Damie and I have been watching what we are eating for a while now, and we have decided to stop dieting. I am so sick of dieting. I have dieted my whole life and you wouldn't think I have dieted a day. Sad to say, but it is oh so true. What we have decided to do with our nutrition is to watch what is going into our mouths and make sure we are getting the biggest bang for our buck. To do that we have done some research and chosen our 15 super food foods. This list is:
1. Low fat or fat free yogurt or another dairy option like skim milk. This gives us lots of calcium and protein, as well as potassium.
2. Eggs - they have 12 vitamins
3. Nuts - one oz a day of any sort expect peanut.
4. Kiwi's
5. Quinoa
6. Beans - lentils
7. Salmon and any other fish with low mercury levels
8. Broccoli
9. Sweet potatoes
10. Berries of all sorts and colours
11. Green or black tea
12. Wheat grass
13. Tomatoes
14. Oats
15. Turkey
What we are doing is making sure we have at least 4 super foods a day, if not more, but also we do not limit our daily food intake to only super foods. There are more meats than turkey that we eat, but all in moderation and all organic. We are also eating a certain amount of calories daily (and this total is calculated by taking our total weight, then we determine our resting calorie use daily, which means how many calories do we use daily just to exist based on our weight, and then we reduce that number and that is what we eat.) Gone is the idea that all you can eat is 1200 calories a day if you are female, because that is not the number for all. That is a great number if you only have 20 lbs to lose, but Lord that is not me!!
A couple of years ago I decided that what I wanted was to have gastric by-pass surgery to fix my weight issues. I went to the Dr and got put on a waiting list for 6 months and then got called in to start the process, that was a year ago. I have spent the last year working the process which includes meeting with a dietitian, and social worker, a doctor, having loads of tests done and waiting your turn. I have done all that and still am not where I should be in my mind. I want to fix my weight issues, but to tell you the truth, ever since I put my name on that list for that surgery I have gained 30 lbs. I am beginning to think, it's not at all about how you do it, but rather than that you do do it!
This is just the beginning of a very long journey, but I will get there!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
4th Day!
I didn't blog yesterday because the time just got ahead of me. Our family entered, what many of you parents will understand, the world of Skylanders. Yes, we caved and gave in!! Now we are officially giving our kid the kid form of crack. This game is crazy, and addictive, and expensive and I have to admit a whole lot of fun. For those of you out there that may not know what the game is, well the easiest way for me to explain it is to say, you play a game like Mario galaxy but it's a futuristic village that floats in the middle of the sky. The land has been taken over by these mean awful creatures and you, along with all your skylander friends help win it all back. You have various Skylanders figures (all of which do different things in the game, eg. some are magical, some are for water etc. hence the financial investment as they all cost around 10 bucks, and yes you do have to give into your kid and buy them all....well at least get him started) and you go through the game using different figures to defeat the evil doers!! So, because of the new skylanders game, and the fact that I got a new book I just ran out of time to blog.
Other than the new game and the new book yesterday was really uneventful. My therapist's appointment was cancelled due to illness so I pretty much had the day free. I went shopping a bit (I guess you kind of guessed when I mentioned the new game and book). I did a crap load of laundry, since the washing machine is finally fixed and I had laundry piling up since Friday. And I got some cleaning done since the dog is still in heat and dropping tiny droplets of blood everywhere. It is just so gross, and Zeb does not get it at all. He just doesn't understand why we can't take her to the vet or at the very least put a bandage on it. Of course we have tried to explain what "heat" means, but I don't think he is quite there yet to really grasp the concept. Oh well, it will all be over soon.
I heard a really interesting quote yesterday, and it really spoke to me. The quote was "you can accept or reject the way you're treated by other people, but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, alcohol, drugs, work, cigarettes, sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life."—Iyanla Vanzant. This spoke to me for so many reasons.
Over the course of the last few years I have read, seen and heard people say things like; the past is the past, let it go, tomorrow is your future and today is your present, forget the past, don't worry about tomorrow, live for today etc.etc. Blah blah blah. This is such shit I can't contain myself. I as so sick of hearing the idea of forgetting about the past just makes it go away, well it doesn't. IT DOESN'T. What happens if you don't deal with the things that happened in your past is you push it down, try to forget it, but eventually it destroys every good thing about you. Iyanla Vanzant has it right, finally someone who actually gets it.
For me, all the things that were done to me in my childhood and even early adulthood effects me in so many ways. It comes into play with every relationship I have, whether it be with Zeb or Damie or friends or extended family or sometimes even with the teachers and administration at Zeb's school. I never really realized just how much impact it was having on my relationships until a couple of years ago when I lost a good friend and I started to look at why I was the way I was. It was then that I realized, I don't trust people, I think I have to buy them to keep them, I think that if I am not everything to everyone no one will be moved to be around me. I have thought that people just are out to hurt you, and it's just a matter of time for them to do it, and don't believe them when they tell you they care, because they really don't they just like all the things you can do for them. These are all thoughts and feeling that I have that come straight out of the things that happened to me as a kid. Do I need to dwell on those things, no, but I do have to understand why those things still impact me so enormously now. I need to change the way I feel about myself and others. and I certainly need to change the way I trust, and deal with others.
A good friend of mine went through a very bad time when I was in my twenties, and through her I found the courage and the strength to seek help with my feeling from my childhood. I started out by talking to my family Dr. who had me to see a psychologist, who I have to say did nothing for me. I ended up finding another family Dr. who really got it, and found me a social worker who helped me through the discovery phase. That is what I refer to my therapy in my twenties, the discovery phase. It was a time that I told my story to everyone, I told my parents, I told my friends and I worked thought the shame and guilt. What I didn't do was work thorough my feelings. I didn't express my feeling about it, or how it felt to be who I was, I just pushed it all down. Now I have entered the light phase, this is where I want to shed the light on all those feelings and get them out. I want to move thorough all the pain from my childhood and then maybe if I am really lucky I will come out the other side better. And this is where I am.
I look forward to all that I have to discover, and turning off all the noise is sure helping!
Cheers!
Other than the new game and the new book yesterday was really uneventful. My therapist's appointment was cancelled due to illness so I pretty much had the day free. I went shopping a bit (I guess you kind of guessed when I mentioned the new game and book). I did a crap load of laundry, since the washing machine is finally fixed and I had laundry piling up since Friday. And I got some cleaning done since the dog is still in heat and dropping tiny droplets of blood everywhere. It is just so gross, and Zeb does not get it at all. He just doesn't understand why we can't take her to the vet or at the very least put a bandage on it. Of course we have tried to explain what "heat" means, but I don't think he is quite there yet to really grasp the concept. Oh well, it will all be over soon.
I heard a really interesting quote yesterday, and it really spoke to me. The quote was "you can accept or reject the way you're treated by other people, but until you heal the wounds of your past, you will continue to bleed. You can bandage the bleeding with food, alcohol, drugs, work, cigarettes, sex, but eventually, it will all ooze through and stain your life."—Iyanla Vanzant. This spoke to me for so many reasons.
Over the course of the last few years I have read, seen and heard people say things like; the past is the past, let it go, tomorrow is your future and today is your present, forget the past, don't worry about tomorrow, live for today etc.etc. Blah blah blah. This is such shit I can't contain myself. I as so sick of hearing the idea of forgetting about the past just makes it go away, well it doesn't. IT DOESN'T. What happens if you don't deal with the things that happened in your past is you push it down, try to forget it, but eventually it destroys every good thing about you. Iyanla Vanzant has it right, finally someone who actually gets it.
For me, all the things that were done to me in my childhood and even early adulthood effects me in so many ways. It comes into play with every relationship I have, whether it be with Zeb or Damie or friends or extended family or sometimes even with the teachers and administration at Zeb's school. I never really realized just how much impact it was having on my relationships until a couple of years ago when I lost a good friend and I started to look at why I was the way I was. It was then that I realized, I don't trust people, I think I have to buy them to keep them, I think that if I am not everything to everyone no one will be moved to be around me. I have thought that people just are out to hurt you, and it's just a matter of time for them to do it, and don't believe them when they tell you they care, because they really don't they just like all the things you can do for them. These are all thoughts and feeling that I have that come straight out of the things that happened to me as a kid. Do I need to dwell on those things, no, but I do have to understand why those things still impact me so enormously now. I need to change the way I feel about myself and others. and I certainly need to change the way I trust, and deal with others.
A good friend of mine went through a very bad time when I was in my twenties, and through her I found the courage and the strength to seek help with my feeling from my childhood. I started out by talking to my family Dr. who had me to see a psychologist, who I have to say did nothing for me. I ended up finding another family Dr. who really got it, and found me a social worker who helped me through the discovery phase. That is what I refer to my therapy in my twenties, the discovery phase. It was a time that I told my story to everyone, I told my parents, I told my friends and I worked thought the shame and guilt. What I didn't do was work thorough my feelings. I didn't express my feeling about it, or how it felt to be who I was, I just pushed it all down. Now I have entered the light phase, this is where I want to shed the light on all those feelings and get them out. I want to move thorough all the pain from my childhood and then maybe if I am really lucky I will come out the other side better. And this is where I am.
I look forward to all that I have to discover, and turning off all the noise is sure helping!
Cheers!
Tuesday, January 10, 2012
2nd day and I am still alive!!
I can't believe how much more time I have when I am not on the computer all day, or watching TV. It's really quite astonishing.
I have to start off with a bit of a rant! Last night we had to drop my car off at the repair shop in LaSalle. This shop is wonderful, it is run by two semi-retired men who just enjoy the work and not ripping off their customers. I can't tell you how many times we have taken the vehicles in and they have done this or that at no charge. Sweet men!! As long as they are doing what they are doing I will be going there even if it is a bit out of my way. Anyway, back to my rant. Since Damie drives past this place every night on her way home from work she said to me "why don't you meet me there around 6:30" and I agreed as long as the washing machine guy was gone in time for me to get there, otherwise I said if I am not there I couldn't make it at 6:30 so just come home. Well we were lucky and the guy finished with lots of time to get there by 6:30 so off Zeb and I went. We arrived at 6:25 and there was no sign of Damie so we got comfortable (comfortable means I let Zeb climb up into the front seat and snuggle with me). 5 mins pass, no Damie. 10 mins pass, no Damie. 10 more minutes pass and here comes Damie from the wrong direction. She gets out the van and I get out of the car and I say "where were you coming from?' and she replies "from home" I could feel the heat enter my neck and travel up to my mouth and then I couldn't stop myself and I said very loudly "Why the hell are you coming from home, Zeb and I have been here since 6:25 and the deal was 6:30". Her reply was "was I went by at 6:18 and thought I would see you on the road and head back." OH NOW I AM REALLY ANGRY!!! Why does she do these things??? She didn't want to wait 7 mins to see if I showed, NO, she would rather I wait with a hungry 7 yr old for 25 mins. Things like this drive me bonkers!!! Okay, so I am done with the rant, I forgave her and made her swear she would never do anything like that again!!
We all started the day off the same, only it was alot harder to get Zeb up. He did not want to get out of bed, and even after Damie carried him to the kitchen table he still put his head down and kept asking to go back to bed. I was a little worried about sending my sleepy boy off to school, but we did.
Breakfast was one scrambled egg, yogurt with some Ezekiel cereal and blueberries mixed in. I have to tell you that is a great way to eat yogurt and I like yogurt. I had pineapple chamomile tea, along with my vitamins and today Damie and I shared a serving of the wheat grass. Yesterday we both had explosions and decided maybe we better ease into the wheat grass. I hate to admit it, but I got it down a little easier today than yesterday. I think it might have something to do with the fact that I could down it in two drinks.
I waited patiently for the washing machine repair man to show up all day just to have him call at 5 and say he wouldn't be there till 6:30. What repair man shows up at 6:30??? What a waste of a day. My car was in the shop anyway, so I couldn't have gone anywhere, but I couldn't even go for a walk. AS for the car, now when it rains it pours. 205.00 on the washing machine and now some sort of important sensor has gone on the car and that will be another 200 dollars more. It would have been more like 300 dollars but Damie found the part in the states for 50 dollars less and then when you lower the tax as well the part is much cheaper and I love cheaper!!! So much for getting a message next week with the baby bonus!! Ownership can really suck sometimes.
I had a lovely shrimp quesadilla today. Damie read someplace yesterday that if you add tomato's and olive oil to your stir fry the nutrients are absorbed into the body better. So today, I cooked my veggies in a little olive oil and cut up some cherry tomato's and put them in too. It was soooo good I think I will have it again tomorrow.
Tonight we had a lovely 13 bean soup, and some cut up dragon fruit. It was all every yummy. If you haven't tried dragon fruit you should, it is quite refreshing and very satisfying.
As for the me time, and getting things done for me. Well I guess I am not exactly on that band wagon yet. I still meander around the house doing chores, and not really focusing on me. I think Thursday will be better, mostly because I will have the whole day to myself. Tomorrow I have my first therapist appointment of the New Year and that sort of breaks the day up, but Thursday I have the whole day to myself with no repairmen coming, and no cars to be fixed. I will keep you posted on how that goes.
Now for the TV. Last night we watched the premiere of Shameless, and wow do I love that show. I think it is the first show in years where I can't wait for the next week. If you haven't seen it you really should give it a try, it is quite shameless, and a little raunchy from time to time, but the acting is outstanding and the storyline is so unique. It is refreshing to see a family on TV who don't live in million dollar houses and have wonderful pay cheques and cars. Finally back to real life, makes me miss the Rosanne show. Tonight's TV will be Parenthood, another good show, but a bit to much over talk. I do love it though. I can tell you, I am not missing TV much at all!!
Peace out!!
I have to start off with a bit of a rant! Last night we had to drop my car off at the repair shop in LaSalle. This shop is wonderful, it is run by two semi-retired men who just enjoy the work and not ripping off their customers. I can't tell you how many times we have taken the vehicles in and they have done this or that at no charge. Sweet men!! As long as they are doing what they are doing I will be going there even if it is a bit out of my way. Anyway, back to my rant. Since Damie drives past this place every night on her way home from work she said to me "why don't you meet me there around 6:30" and I agreed as long as the washing machine guy was gone in time for me to get there, otherwise I said if I am not there I couldn't make it at 6:30 so just come home. Well we were lucky and the guy finished with lots of time to get there by 6:30 so off Zeb and I went. We arrived at 6:25 and there was no sign of Damie so we got comfortable (comfortable means I let Zeb climb up into the front seat and snuggle with me). 5 mins pass, no Damie. 10 mins pass, no Damie. 10 more minutes pass and here comes Damie from the wrong direction. She gets out the van and I get out of the car and I say "where were you coming from?' and she replies "from home" I could feel the heat enter my neck and travel up to my mouth and then I couldn't stop myself and I said very loudly "Why the hell are you coming from home, Zeb and I have been here since 6:25 and the deal was 6:30". Her reply was "was I went by at 6:18 and thought I would see you on the road and head back." OH NOW I AM REALLY ANGRY!!! Why does she do these things??? She didn't want to wait 7 mins to see if I showed, NO, she would rather I wait with a hungry 7 yr old for 25 mins. Things like this drive me bonkers!!! Okay, so I am done with the rant, I forgave her and made her swear she would never do anything like that again!!
We all started the day off the same, only it was alot harder to get Zeb up. He did not want to get out of bed, and even after Damie carried him to the kitchen table he still put his head down and kept asking to go back to bed. I was a little worried about sending my sleepy boy off to school, but we did.
Breakfast was one scrambled egg, yogurt with some Ezekiel cereal and blueberries mixed in. I have to tell you that is a great way to eat yogurt and I like yogurt. I had pineapple chamomile tea, along with my vitamins and today Damie and I shared a serving of the wheat grass. Yesterday we both had explosions and decided maybe we better ease into the wheat grass. I hate to admit it, but I got it down a little easier today than yesterday. I think it might have something to do with the fact that I could down it in two drinks.
I waited patiently for the washing machine repair man to show up all day just to have him call at 5 and say he wouldn't be there till 6:30. What repair man shows up at 6:30??? What a waste of a day. My car was in the shop anyway, so I couldn't have gone anywhere, but I couldn't even go for a walk. AS for the car, now when it rains it pours. 205.00 on the washing machine and now some sort of important sensor has gone on the car and that will be another 200 dollars more. It would have been more like 300 dollars but Damie found the part in the states for 50 dollars less and then when you lower the tax as well the part is much cheaper and I love cheaper!!! So much for getting a message next week with the baby bonus!! Ownership can really suck sometimes.
I had a lovely shrimp quesadilla today. Damie read someplace yesterday that if you add tomato's and olive oil to your stir fry the nutrients are absorbed into the body better. So today, I cooked my veggies in a little olive oil and cut up some cherry tomato's and put them in too. It was soooo good I think I will have it again tomorrow.
Tonight we had a lovely 13 bean soup, and some cut up dragon fruit. It was all every yummy. If you haven't tried dragon fruit you should, it is quite refreshing and very satisfying.
As for the me time, and getting things done for me. Well I guess I am not exactly on that band wagon yet. I still meander around the house doing chores, and not really focusing on me. I think Thursday will be better, mostly because I will have the whole day to myself. Tomorrow I have my first therapist appointment of the New Year and that sort of breaks the day up, but Thursday I have the whole day to myself with no repairmen coming, and no cars to be fixed. I will keep you posted on how that goes.
Now for the TV. Last night we watched the premiere of Shameless, and wow do I love that show. I think it is the first show in years where I can't wait for the next week. If you haven't seen it you really should give it a try, it is quite shameless, and a little raunchy from time to time, but the acting is outstanding and the storyline is so unique. It is refreshing to see a family on TV who don't live in million dollar houses and have wonderful pay cheques and cars. Finally back to real life, makes me miss the Rosanne show. Tonight's TV will be Parenthood, another good show, but a bit to much over talk. I do love it though. I can tell you, I am not missing TV much at all!!
Peace out!!
Monday, January 9, 2012
1st day of 39
Today was the first day of my "Change my life in 2012" commitment! Yeah, well sort of I suppose!
I am totally glad that we are actually giving it a try, but I am hurting a little.
This morning we all woke up, well Damie woke up first to make our breakfasts, but we all woke up at 6:20 a.m. and started our morning. The table was set, and all our Dixie cups were beside our places ready for us to start our new routine. Those Dixie cups contain all the new pills, and chewables we are now going to have every morning. Two capsules of fish oil, which by the way I burped up for at least an hour, two chewable multi vitamins, and two capsules of green tea extract. Zeb's also included his ADHD meds, but other than that his was the same as ours. I have to say, those frigging fish pills have to go, who the hell wants to burp fish when you haven't even eaten fish, and don't like the taste of to start with. I like some fish, but I never chose the fishy tasting fish.....I think it comes from way too much time spent on lake Huron as a child and the smell of dead fish every few feet, GROSS!
Breakfast consisted of 3/4 cups of steel cut oats, which we all love. I love red river cereal, which I will have from time to time, but steel cut oats is a very close second. Along with our oats we had 1/3rd of a banana and 1/3rd of an orange. Zeb is not at all fond of citrus, nor am I but I downed my vitamin D laced orange pieces, but we had to convince Zeb he wouldn't die trying it. He bit it in half and took one taste and then swallowed that piece whole....down the hatch just like the fish pill!! He didn't choke, but man I was surprised he didn't. No convincing from us could get the second half of the orange anywhere near his mouth....nope that sucker got thrown into the garbage. To drink Damie and I had an nice herbal tea, mine was a pineapple chamomile, and I am not sure what hers was. Along with the tea we had another drink sitting at our plates.....it was a new cup, filled with brownish green stuff. Damie told me it was a nice new healthy juice, but I didn't believe it was an sort of juice...more of a potion maybe. It did not look like anything I really wanted to drink. I smelled it first. It sort of smelled like cut grass a couple of day after you have cut it, but there was something else there, I just couldn't put my finger on what it was.
Now I have to say, I am not a picky eater in any way. Damie does not eat anything green unless it is an avocado or celery. She will not eat fish, unless I can convince her that it does not taste fishy. She is one of those people who put their food on their plate in separate area's an nothing shall mix....unless it is roast and gravy with mashed potatoes and then all of a sudden all of that can mix. Anything else must keep to their area's and each will be eaten one at a time, no putting a piece of meat in to chew followed by some corn, followed by some potato, nope nothing doing as far as she is concerned. I, on the other hand love my food mixing, I enjoy dipping my mashed potatoes into my corn and sticking it all in my mouth. I am not at all picky, but who wants to drink something that tastes like two day old grass I ask you???
So I knew I had to do it, so I start by drinking as much as I can without stopping cause I know once you stop then you really get the taste and you may never get yourself back to it so you better get as much down as humanly possible before your gage reflex steps in and stops the party!! Well, it wasn't so bad. It did have that day or two old grass cut taste, not that I have actually tasted two day old grass but it is what I think it would taste like, but not only did it have that taste, there was something else in there. I didn't really get the taste right off, but there was something lingering in the back of my mouth that I just couldn't make out. Well onto the second drink, doing the same as before, getting as much down as I could get in one drink. And there it was, just as I was going to go for a breath I know what it was. Not only did the stuff taste like two day old grass, but it tasted like a dead fish had been rolling into that two day old grass.....I couldn't reach for my tea fast enough.....just in time!!! I know my face puckered, I know I looked green around the gills, but I hid it. I couldn't let on like it was terrible or else Damie would know and then I wouldn't have the pleasure of watching Miss picky give it a whirl. I waited, and waited and then there it was, Damie's first sip. She swallows, and smiles and says "boy that stuff isn't bad, not bad at all". Damn, I am stuck now. If Damie didn't gag we will have to have it every day now. boohoo!!!
Well it wasn't long until Damie and Zeb were off to work sand school and I was home alone with the dog. I allowed myself some talk radio while I cleaned up the kitchen and cleaned the laundry room but other than that and a sending a few emails off to Damie during the day that was the limit to my electronic use. I enjoyed my day for the most part, but boy was I tired. That is how my body reacts to not having any caffeine, but other than that I have felt pretty good. I did a little journaling, some puzzles and I even started a new book. The only down part of today was waiting to have the appliance Dr come and look at my dead washing machine and the fact that my 13 month old goldendoodle is in heat and bleeding all over my floor. I can't tell you how many times I have mopped today, and I am sure the same will be said for tomorrow. Tomorrow I plan on actually getting some work done around the place, but today I just wanted a day where I didn't have to do anything. Tomorrow looks like it is going to be similar as the Dr is back to fix the washing machine, and the dog will still be dripping, but having quiet is a very nice thing!
I think this 39 day should prove to be quite interesting!!
I am totally glad that we are actually giving it a try, but I am hurting a little.
This morning we all woke up, well Damie woke up first to make our breakfasts, but we all woke up at 6:20 a.m. and started our morning. The table was set, and all our Dixie cups were beside our places ready for us to start our new routine. Those Dixie cups contain all the new pills, and chewables we are now going to have every morning. Two capsules of fish oil, which by the way I burped up for at least an hour, two chewable multi vitamins, and two capsules of green tea extract. Zeb's also included his ADHD meds, but other than that his was the same as ours. I have to say, those frigging fish pills have to go, who the hell wants to burp fish when you haven't even eaten fish, and don't like the taste of to start with. I like some fish, but I never chose the fishy tasting fish.....I think it comes from way too much time spent on lake Huron as a child and the smell of dead fish every few feet, GROSS!
Breakfast consisted of 3/4 cups of steel cut oats, which we all love. I love red river cereal, which I will have from time to time, but steel cut oats is a very close second. Along with our oats we had 1/3rd of a banana and 1/3rd of an orange. Zeb is not at all fond of citrus, nor am I but I downed my vitamin D laced orange pieces, but we had to convince Zeb he wouldn't die trying it. He bit it in half and took one taste and then swallowed that piece whole....down the hatch just like the fish pill!! He didn't choke, but man I was surprised he didn't. No convincing from us could get the second half of the orange anywhere near his mouth....nope that sucker got thrown into the garbage. To drink Damie and I had an nice herbal tea, mine was a pineapple chamomile, and I am not sure what hers was. Along with the tea we had another drink sitting at our plates.....it was a new cup, filled with brownish green stuff. Damie told me it was a nice new healthy juice, but I didn't believe it was an sort of juice...more of a potion maybe. It did not look like anything I really wanted to drink. I smelled it first. It sort of smelled like cut grass a couple of day after you have cut it, but there was something else there, I just couldn't put my finger on what it was.
Now I have to say, I am not a picky eater in any way. Damie does not eat anything green unless it is an avocado or celery. She will not eat fish, unless I can convince her that it does not taste fishy. She is one of those people who put their food on their plate in separate area's an nothing shall mix....unless it is roast and gravy with mashed potatoes and then all of a sudden all of that can mix. Anything else must keep to their area's and each will be eaten one at a time, no putting a piece of meat in to chew followed by some corn, followed by some potato, nope nothing doing as far as she is concerned. I, on the other hand love my food mixing, I enjoy dipping my mashed potatoes into my corn and sticking it all in my mouth. I am not at all picky, but who wants to drink something that tastes like two day old grass I ask you???
So I knew I had to do it, so I start by drinking as much as I can without stopping cause I know once you stop then you really get the taste and you may never get yourself back to it so you better get as much down as humanly possible before your gage reflex steps in and stops the party!! Well, it wasn't so bad. It did have that day or two old grass cut taste, not that I have actually tasted two day old grass but it is what I think it would taste like, but not only did it have that taste, there was something else in there. I didn't really get the taste right off, but there was something lingering in the back of my mouth that I just couldn't make out. Well onto the second drink, doing the same as before, getting as much down as I could get in one drink. And there it was, just as I was going to go for a breath I know what it was. Not only did the stuff taste like two day old grass, but it tasted like a dead fish had been rolling into that two day old grass.....I couldn't reach for my tea fast enough.....just in time!!! I know my face puckered, I know I looked green around the gills, but I hid it. I couldn't let on like it was terrible or else Damie would know and then I wouldn't have the pleasure of watching Miss picky give it a whirl. I waited, and waited and then there it was, Damie's first sip. She swallows, and smiles and says "boy that stuff isn't bad, not bad at all". Damn, I am stuck now. If Damie didn't gag we will have to have it every day now. boohoo!!!
Well it wasn't long until Damie and Zeb were off to work sand school and I was home alone with the dog. I allowed myself some talk radio while I cleaned up the kitchen and cleaned the laundry room but other than that and a sending a few emails off to Damie during the day that was the limit to my electronic use. I enjoyed my day for the most part, but boy was I tired. That is how my body reacts to not having any caffeine, but other than that I have felt pretty good. I did a little journaling, some puzzles and I even started a new book. The only down part of today was waiting to have the appliance Dr come and look at my dead washing machine and the fact that my 13 month old goldendoodle is in heat and bleeding all over my floor. I can't tell you how many times I have mopped today, and I am sure the same will be said for tomorrow. Tomorrow I plan on actually getting some work done around the place, but today I just wanted a day where I didn't have to do anything. Tomorrow looks like it is going to be similar as the Dr is back to fix the washing machine, and the dog will still be dripping, but having quiet is a very nice thing!
I think this 39 day should prove to be quite interesting!!
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