My grandmother lived to be 94 yrs old! She was one of my closest friends when I entered adulthood. I would spend afternoons talking with her for hours, but if I wanted to know anything about her life, more importantly her past it was like pulling teeth. She didn't live there, that was not what concerned her. She lived to be happy, and looked for situations that gave her that. She had a solid group of woman friends whom she could rely on to be there whenever the call arises. She loved Vegas, in fact love is a mild word for how she felt about that place. I blame my cousin Sandra for that, as she gave my grandmother her first taste of that city. Sandra took her there the first time, trying to get her out to travel a little, and see the sights that the area had to offer. My grandmother didn't care about the damn dam, all she cared about was the Flamingo and how many nickles she had. I remember one of her last trips, she could barely walk from her room to the one armed bandit in the nickel area, but she managed. She sat there for hours even thought she needed sleep, even though her hip was killing her, even though she knew she needed to go....she sat there putting those nickels into that slot one after another. I think she had some bigger wins over the years, but it wasn't about the big win, it was about the pursuit of that big win. These were the things that made her heart pound. She wasn't only addicted to Vegas, she loved bingo like only a true bingo lover does. She would buy 16 cards, plop herself down, get all her bingo daubers ready and waited for the games to begin. Before my grandfather died she never did these activities, in fact going out to lodge every other week was a challenge for her before his death. After he died I think she arranged for bingo the night after we put him in the ground....well not exactly, but it wasn't much after that. Her best friend was her sister-in-law and my great aunt. They would board the bingo bus (which is what we called it but it was actually just my great aunt's car) nightly and off they would go. My grandmother came to life after her husband died, she laughed differently, she lived differently and she bonded with her 10 children differently. We all saw the change in her, we all liked the change. Before my grandfather died she was always busy doing what interested him, or she was busy trying to make his next get rich scheme work. He came up with the idea's she did all the work necessary to make it work. They had some success, but lots of failures. It didn't matter what dream he had, she worked her self ragged trying to make some money at it. I think she learned early on that she wouldn't be able to count on him to feed the children, I think she realized that if she doesn't want to worry where the next meal is coming from she was going to have to work hard to make it all happen. She didn't talk about these year willingly, and we never really asked much about it. I did sit down with her a couple of afternoons to delve into her past a little. I wanted to know what made her happy, sad, excited.....how she met my grandfather, and what she thought about her more than 50 yr marriage. She was always reluctant to talk about it, sometimes only giving me vague answers, and then sometimes she would surprise me and tell me more than she probably should have. On of the things that she told me was that she would wake up in the middle of the night so angry with my grandfather that she wouldn't be able to get herself back to sleep. These nights happened after his death, more than 15 yrs later. I guess she resented the fact that she worked so hard to make him happy, and he didn't give her happiness any thought. I think he thought if he was happy so was she. I guess he just saw the work she did for the cause was just part and parcel to being in a marriage. It hurt me to my core when I heard her talk about this, as I always had this image of the two of them being happily married all those years, and I wasn't ready to change that idealistic view of their life. While she told me these things I could see the anger, hatred, and more importantly the sadness that filled her eyes. I feel bad that she had to endure such a life for more than 50 yrs, and I wish she had had someone who made her the most important person in his life, taking into account what she wanted too. I learned from her stories but the most important thing that I took from that time with my grandmother on those afternoons was that you only have one life to live, and what makes you happy is just as important as the things that make your life partner happy. I also learned from her that the past is just that. You can't live in it anymore, only learn from it and make changes as you learn more. She never wanted to live in the past. Her present and future were more fun for her.