Respect your elders!

Some would look at me as their elder, my son, my son's friends, my cousins children, some neighbourhood kids, the kids at my son's school, and maybe even some grown people with children of their own.  I am 45, middle aged for sure, and in a really real way and elder.  Do I feel like an elder, NO!  I feel like I am still in my 20's and just have this 7 yr old living in my house.  I still have fun, I don't take too many things too seriously, and I don't think I am overly boring, but that I am sure would be up for debate in some circles.  The fact remains, one must respect their elders, right??  This is something I heard all the time growing up, does anyone use that phrase today?  Not to sure but the sentiment should still be in practice don't you think?

I don't use that with Zeb, I know I probably should but I mostly talk to him about showing respect to all people regardless of the age.  I don't know, maybe elders should be on a higher plain or something, but I just feel we all are due respect as long as we have not done something to not be shown respect, but even then we treat people as we would like to be treated.  Isn't that the way it's supposed to be?

These words echo in my head from time to time when I am thinking or dealing with some very difficult people in my life....and it's no surprise that most of the very difficult people are related to me.  I try very hard to think about the fact that I need to respect my elders, but the fact is I just find it incredibly hard when they show me no respect in return, in fact they respect me so little that they feel it is okay to hurt me over and over with no apology. 

Last night I received a call from someone who would fall in that respect my elders category.  I did respect her, by hearing what she had to say, accepting her apology (which I only go because I stopped contact with her in Aug.) and asking that changes happen so as to fix the problem instead of just walking over the problem and walking down the same road until it happens again.  I am tired of doing the same thing and expecting different results.  I am tired.

She spent a whole 1.5 minutes asking about me, pretending to care, and then the next 20 on herself.  I know it shouldn't matter, but it does matter.  I respect her situation in life, and try to think of solutions to her problems, but it would be nice just once in a while to have some thought put into me, some real concern, but that is asking way to much from this narcissistic person.  Their minds are on themselves and how they want things to be, and that's it.  I have to accept it, but that is very difficult for me as I am the polar opposite from that.  I want to hear about other's, I want to help where I can, I want to listen and be a support, not a drag on other's.  It is hard for me to accept someone who has no idea how to really care, to really listen, to really support.  To her support mean money, and that's it.  It's very sad.

She wants me in her life, yet when I am there I am abused by her, and by those around her who feel like they can because she gives them permission.  I want to respect her position in my life, and do what so many have said and that is "to respect my elders", but it's so hard when it comes at such a high cost to me.  I am tired of being the scapegoat, I am tired of being accused of being the problem, I am tired of being thrown into the lions den every single chance she gets. 

I am at a loss.  I know that I should be there for her, I should be helping her, but I am afraid to do it.  I have been pulled in so many times, just to be punched literally and figuratively over and over.  I am at a total loss.  I want to do the right thing, but sometimes knowing what the right thing is is very difficult!!