Sept. 17th

I'm back.

Okay, so I have been away from the blog for a while, but I promise that I had a pretty good reason.

This past Monday, like as in Sept. 17th I had gastric bypass surgery done.  Yes, I know I didn't mention that I was having it, I sort of didn't really want to think about it.  I had a really hard time with the whole concept of "I could do this to improve my health and outlook on life, but I could also die on the table".  So, because of those thoughts and because it was summer and I didn't want to waste it worrying about surgery I sort of just put the whole thing out of my mind and rarely spoke of it to anyone, well except my therapist and Damie.  I don't know if what I did was right or wrong, but it worked for me and for the most part I think it helped with prolonging the fear.

Two weeks before surgery you have to start what is called the optifast stage.  This is a protein drink, that is used to shrink the liver.  The liver, in laparoscopy surgery, is in between the view and the stomach for the surgeon so it is important to shrink it so it can easily be moved out of the way.  The shakes are in two flavors, vanilla and chocolate.  I love chocolate, always have so I really thought that would be my favorite but it wasn't.  I enjoyed the vanilla mainly because I could add so many different flavors to it daily it never got boring.  You had to have 4 shakes a day, and the colder the better, otherwise they tasted disgusting.  I would use an entire tray of ice cubes in the blender with each shake, so it really was like a thick shake you get from McDonald's.  By the end of the two weeks I had had enough of them and was eager to get onto surgery so that I could at least have jello after it.

I had my surgery in Guelph Ontario.  It's about 3.5 hrs away from here.  My surgery was at 8 A.M Monday morning, which meant that we had to be at the hospital at 6:15 A.M, so we decided to go up the day before, enjoy the hotel pool, and then be at the hospital on time in the morning. 

I was fine on the way up, not really nervous, I would describe it more like being a bit on edge.  I was happy for the most part, but I would catch myself being a little short, especially when it came to Damie's driving, but hey I am always a little short with that.

When we arrived we settled into the hotel, got on our bathing suits and went to the pool.  It was a salt water pool and hot tub, which was nice.  All three of us enjoyed it, even though by the time we arrived at Guelph Zeb was feeling under the weather. 

We noticed on the way there that he was running a bit of a fever.  This scared me a little, as I didn't want to be in contact with some virus or something right before going under the knife.  The poor little guys nose just kept running, and you could tell by the colour of his cheeks that he was not well.  This kid, I might add, doesn't ever really let anything get him down, he wanted to go swimming and had a great time down at the pool.

When we were done swimming we all had showers and then Damie went to go get dinner.  I was on shakes so that was going to be my dinner, but I was going to treat myself to a bit of chicken broth from Timmie's too.  She came back with food for them, and my broth and we all settled down for dinner. 

The clock was ticking, soon it was going to be bedtime and then I was going to be at the hospital.  I was starting to get nervous.  It's really a scary prospect having surgery, I don't care what kind you have, it's a bit nerve wracking.

I woke up in the middle of the night to go pee and a calm came over me.  I could feel it fill every fiber of by being.  It was both a wonderful, and interesting feeling.  One I have never had before.  I fell back to sleep easily and didn't wake until two minutes before the alarm was to go off.

We arrived on time, all of us a bit tired but the adrenaline was keeping our eyes wide open.  They had me go into a small curtained off area and undress, then Damie and Zeb joined me.  The nurse came and took my vitals, talked to Damie about being in the waiting room and how they would contact her after the surgery was over, and then she gave me this shot in my arm.  She told us they were running a bit late, so they weren't quite ready for me, so we all sat and waited.

It was my turn to go.  Someone came down to wheel me to the OR.  I said goodbye to Damie and Zeb and off I went.  The woman who was pushing me had a mask over her face, but I could see a pair of very kind eyes paring out at me.  She maneuvered that gurney like a pro, to which I said, "I think you have done this before".  She laughed and responded with "I have done it for more than 20 years, I retired 6 years ago, but they can't seem to be able to live without me".  I laughed and so did she, and by that time I was in the hall they wanted me in and she left me pushed against a large window.

A few people walked up and down the hall as I laid there watching the sun come up, but to tell you the truth I didn't notice much.  I felt calm, happy and the sunrise was pretty amazing.  There was warmth surrounding me, and it was then that I knew there were people there keeping me safe.  I may have not been able to see them, but I sure could feel them.  My surgeon finally came by, picked up my file, looked it over, and then said "you have the exact same birthday as I do, even the year!  I have never operated on someone with the exact birthday as me before".  We both found that interesting and then he walked away saying he would be ready for me in a few minutes.

You know another very strange thing happened regarding birthdays and my surgery date.  When I called his office to book my surgery date, his secretary told me that the day I was having surgery was her daughters birthday, so she felt it would be a very good day.  Isn't that amazing!!

Finally a nurse came to wheel me down to the OR but couldn't figure out how to move the gurney so she asked me if I would mind walking.  I didn't, so off we went.  When I entered the room there were two or three nurses milling about, and my anaesthesiologist was also there.  He was busy when I entered, but soon after I layed down on the board he said hello and came over to me.  He then explained what he was going to do, and asked if I had any questions, then they asked me to say my full name and then say what I was here to have done.  He then froze my hand to insert my IV and that's all I remember until I woke up in recovery.

The surgery was to be 3 hours, but they had told Damie that they are usually more like 2 so that was when she planned on coming back to the hospital.  When her and Zeb got there I was not out of surgery  yet so they just warmed a sit.  An hour went by and Damie expected the surgeon to come by at any moment, but no, he didn't.  Another half hour went by and Damie started to worry.  Finally he came out and told her that it was more difficult that they had expected.  Apparently I have a larger liver than most so because of that it limited his field of view, which meant that it took him longer.  She was grateful it was over and then took Zeb back to the hotel until I came out of recovery.

She was in my room within minutes of be arriving.  I was still a bit sleepy, but loved the idea of seeing them so I fought the sleep.  Finally they entered and we greeted each other with big smiles, and hello's.  I looked at Zeb and realized that he was scared (I had a nasal cannula like my dad did when he was in hospital this past Feb.  and I could tell by the look on Zeb's face that he was thinking I was going to be just like my dad).  I quickly said, "hey buddy, I'm just fine"  and with that he settled down. 

I don't remember much, mostly a nurse doing this and that, me in and out of sleep.  Zeb and Damie had gone back to the hotel to let me rest.  The only thing that I do remember is my mouth was so dry, and I couldn't have anything for 5 hours, and that my back killed.  After about 3 hours I said to the nurses, "when can I get out of this thing" and she replied with "right now if that's what you want"!!  I got up out of bed, went to the bathroom, brushed my teeth, and then went for a walk down the hall.  FREEDOM!!!

From that moment on I was pretty much on my own.  I walked all the time, I waited until 5 hours was up so I could get a very small liquid med cup full of ice, which I was going to be allowed to have one an hour every hour until morning, when I would be given my first meal.

The first meal was this; 1/2 sugar free jello, 3/4 cup tea, 1/2 cup apple juice which I had to dilute with the same amount of water.  It took me almost 1.5 hours but I ate it all.  I drank water all the time, and I walked.  I wasn't going to get a blood clot if my life depended on it.

By day two they had decided I was ready to go home, but I needed to wait until after dinner to do so.  I couldn't wait until 5 o'clock came.  I wanted out of there.  And just like clock work the meal came and so did the nurse to release me.  FREEDOM!!

Since coming home I have felt great.  I am hungry, which everyone told me I wouldn't be, but I am. I eat the same at home as I did in the hospital, and I drink water all day.  I have been on clear fluids since coming home, and will be until next Monday when I get to move to full fluids. YEAH!!

I am realizing what hunger feels like, I haven't felt hungry for years now so this is interesting.  I also feel full which is another great sensation.  All the wonderful things I will learn now.  I have 5 new scares on my stomach, where the laparoscopic tools went in, and my stomach is the size of an egg.  Life sure can change in a week.

I have stuck to the walking, I have walked almost 5 km since coming home daily, except today because I had a lot of running around to do and I had to catch up on the ironing.  But tomorrow for sure.  Things are going great.  I can already see a difference when I look in the mirror, and that makes it all the better.  I tell you the very best thing about all of this is I haven't had to take any medication form diabetes since I started optifast....amazing!!  That is really what all this is about for me, I don't care if I get skinny (but believe me that is a bonus for sure) what I care about is being healthy enough to see my son grow up graduate from University, get married and have my grandchildren....that's why I did this.