Relationship Quiz

Someone put this quiz on their blog, and I thought, why not so here it is.

1. How old are you?
45

2. How often do you have a conversation with your spouse that lasts more than 5 minutes.
We are lucky, we talk for very long periods all the time, daily, several times a day.

3. How well does your spouse participate in the running of the household?
She doesn't do much, but she usually does what she can.  I am home all day so obviously I am responsible for most, but she puts the garbage out (when I remind her to)

4. What would your spouse say is your favorite food?
Chinese food.

5. When is the last time you had your favorite food?
It's been a few months now, since gastric bypass surgery there has and will likely not be anymore Chinese food.

6.  Tell us something you do that your spouse doesn't know about.
I really don't do anything my spouse doesn't know about...except maybe how often I clean the insides of the garbage pails in the house....I think she would be surprised by that.

7.  What medications are you taking?
I take a multivitamin twice daily, and that's it for now.

8.  List 3 things that scare you.

1.  That Zeb will grow into the teen years and get addicted to drugs.
2.  That we become homeless and penniless.
3.  That Zeb becomes unhappy and I can't do anything to help him.

9.  Do you believe love can last?

I think that love can last, if you work at it.  Nothing in life worth anything comes easy, and love isn't an exception.  I think sometimes you have to remember love, especially when you are feeling like you don't like them right now...but that in a few hours or a day you will like them again.

10.  Are you still in love with your spouse?

Yes, although I forget sometimes.  I realized after my recent surgery just how much she matters to me, and how important it was to see her after I came out of recovery, in some ways it was more important to me than seeing Zeb.  This came as a surprise.

11.  Do you ever think about leaving your spouse?

Yes, doesn't everyone.  Commitment is hard, and it takes more work than one would think. 

12.  If so, what would stop you?

I don't leave because we share 11 yrs together and because there is so much more right about us than wrong.  I just have to take a break and remember all that.

13.  List 5 positive things about your spouse.

1.  She is smart
2.  She is giving of herself
3.  She works really hard to take care of us
4.  She has an incredible contagious laugh
5.  She is a rock exactly when you need a rock.

14.  List 3 negative things about your spouse.

1.  She is a slob, she leaves piles everywhere and for the life of her can't see why that is a problem.

2.  She sometimes doesn't listen to my whole thought, and then jumps to conclusions.

3.  She is not the best driver in the world.

15.  What is your favorite book?

Anne Of Green Gables.

16.  How well do you think you know your spouse.

I know her very well.  I think I know her better than anyone else does.

17.  What did you used to do that you don't do now?

Well we used to do lots of things before Zeb was born, like I used to work outside the house.  We used to go out more nights of the week than we didn't, and we spent more time with other people.   

18.  Are you religious?

I used to be very religious, in fact in high school my wish was to become a United Church minister.  We are not religious now, unfortunately that is sometimes part of the fall out when you come out of the closet.  We are spiritual, and enjoy celebrating various religious traditions in our home, eg. we light Hanukkah candles during Hanukkah, and we also celebrate Christmas with a tree and all the decorations.

19.  Do you believe in God?

Yes, my life would be empty without that. 

20.  List your favorite part of your spouse's body when you were in your 20's.

I didn't know Damie when I was in my 20's, but I knew her while she was in her 20's.  I think her eyes have always been my favorite part of Damie.

21.  List your favorite part now.

I like her butt, but her eyes still get me.

22.  Describe your first impression of your spouse.

I thought she kind of looked like the lion in The Wizard of Oz. 

23.  Where did you go on your first date?

We really didn't have a first date, but the first place we went together was to a restaurant in the middle of the night in Houston TX called Kat's.  It is a traditional New York Deli, and one of Damie's favorite places to go when she is home. 

24.  List some little irritations of marriage.

I don't always like that you lose some of yourself, or your own identity when you marry.  In our relationship, for the most part, people refer to us as DamienMarie, rather than Damie, and Marie.  I get lost in there somewhere.  I think the day to day boredom takes it tole as well, doing the same things day in and day out, and there really isn't alot of room to shake things up.

25.  How many credit cards do you have?

1, and we just recently got it.

26.  How often do you google yourself?

I just did for the first time....not much out there about me.

27.  How does your marriage compare to your parents marriage?

Mine is the polar opposite of my parents.  Damie and I talk all the time, spend all of our time together, and really enjoy each other.  I have very little to complain about, and if I do I share it with her.  My parents never really got along well, certainly later in life, which is when I mostly remember their marriage.

28.  What is the last anniversary gift you received from your spouse?

We don't do that, we never have.  We give gifts and little tokens of our affection from time to time for no real reason.  It's just our way.

29.  Describe your spouse when you first met.

She was nervous, a bit stressed and out of breath.  We met for the first time when I arrived in Houston TX to live after meeting her online a few months before.  Our first face to face was in the airport.

30. What do you wish you had known/warned about regarding marriage.

I am not sure, we lived together for 7 yrs before we got married so we were pretty comfortable with each other by then.

31.  Is your spouse a good listener?

Yes, she listens well, however, she doesn't always give very effective feed back.  Sometimes I can pore my heart out, and she will just reply with "I'm sorry about that", which can drive me a bit crazy from time to time.  No one said I was easy to live with.

32.  Have you ever been ashamed of your spouse?

Yes, more than once.  She can have a bit of a aggressive personality and sometimes comes across to harsh.  She is not afraid to stick up for herself, but sometimes she does it in a way that it looks aggressive.  It is not my way, so I feel ashamed to be around her when she behaves that way.  She is getting better.

33.  Do you and your spouse exercise together?

We walk together from time to time, and we go on bike rides as a family, but if you mean regular daily exercise, no we do that separately.

34.  Is it okay if your spouse has secrets.

I think little secrets are fine, I do not think keeping real important facts from me is a good idea.

35.  Does your spouse do a good job communicating her needs to you?

She does a good job of asking me for what she needs, but sometimes she doesn't do it when she first realizes it.

36. What do you consider flirting?

It has been so long since I flirted with anyone I forget what it's all about.  I was never much for flirting to begin with.

37.  What is the last mean thing you said to your spouse?

I told her yesterday that the dog is the best thing that ever happened to me, but I was just kidding. 

38.  What is the last mean thing your spouse said to you?

She doesn't say mean things, but I think the last time she said something really mean was a few months ago when she said I was acting like my mother...........meanest thing anyone could ever say, and she knows it...so it was said to cut.  She took it back soon after she said it though!

39.  Would your friends say you were happily married.

Yes, I think most think we have a great marriage, and family, and they would be right.

40.  Would you say you were happily married.

For the most part we are happily married.  There are days I want to be done with the whole thing and run, but they are fleeting moments.....drops in a pool.

41.  What do you believe should never be done in public.

I don't think you should ever argue in public, not really argue, and because if we were to show affection in public it would make others feel uncomfortable, then I think no one else should either.

42.  What is the worst emotional state a person can be in?

I think that the hardest emotional state for someone to deal with when someone else is in it is jealously.  I think that if someone is jealous, it makes life very very difficult.  However, I think that dealing with the loss of someone, bereavement is a very very hard emotional state for you to deal with when it's you dealing with it.

43.  Do you fake things, if yes give examples.

Yes, I fake liking some things that Zeb loves....as a good mother should.  I fake listening to him sometimes, tone him out, or else all of his chatter would get to me.  I sometimes have faked liking something, like, that I had a great time doing something when I really didn't or that I like a gift someone has given me when really all I can do is think about who I can re-gift it to.

44.  How many times a week do you exercise?

I exercise more than 5 times a week.

45.  Finish this sentence----I feel loved and cared for when

When someone does something without having to...like picks up the phone to call out of the blue, or sends a little note.  I also feel loved when Damie looks at me a certain way, or when she comes home from work and sits down with us and talks about her day.  I feel loved and cared for when I am laying next to Zeb in bed at night reading whatever story he wants, knowing that he thinks I am his world.....the list is endless.

46.  Whose marriage do you most admire?

I can't say there is any one marriage.  I think there are parts of marriages that I admire, but I can't say anyone in my circle has it all together.

47.  If your spouse gave you one free pass to have sex with another person who would it be.

Honestly, I really can't imagine that...not really.  Now if you are talking about a night out with someone I think I would love to spend some real personal time with Michelle Obama.

48.  If you gave your spouse a free pass who would they choose.

She used to have a real thing for Elizabeth Mitchell, not sure if she still does but that's the last one I remember her saying she had a crush on.

49.  Do you and your spouse find the same things funny?

No, not always.  She likes campy movies, musicals and I can take them or leave them.  I am not really a slap stick girl, however as I said earlier her laugh is contagious so watching slap stick and listening to her laugh makes me laugh.

50.  Do you and your spouse agree on how to educate your child on things like drugs and alcohol use?

yes, although we have not begun that with Zeb we have talked about how we want to deal with those issues with him.

51.  Do you get along with your in laws.

Nope! Long long story, one I am not sure I will ever share.

52.  What is the last loving thing you said to your spouse?

As she was leaving this morning at 6:45 I told her I loved her, gave her a kiss goodbye and told her to please drive safe.

53.  What's your favorite movie?

I have a top five,
Yentl
Beaches
On Golden Pond
Prince of Tides
Roman Holiday

54.  How often do you quarrel with your spouse?

We bicker a bit more than I would like, but as far as big quarrels, they don't happen very often.  Usually we yell for a minute and then move onto the next thing.

55.  What's the sexiest book you have ever read?

I can't say I have read any book that I would describe that way.

56.  Describe the moment you knew your spouse was the one?

I knew she was the one when I spent the whole day thinking about her and waiting until I could call her after work.  I know she was in my life forever.

57.  Describe a situation when your spouse let you down?

She has let me down a few times when she was not honest about money, and this has lead to many arguments and loss of trust. 

58.  What do you think of the current trend of couples divorcing based on the couples feeling more like room mates than lovers.

This happens a great deal in lesbian relationships....mainly because, unlike men we do not derive all of our feelings for someone by having sex, it's more emotional than sexual for women.  I find this to be a shame.  I think that every marriage/relationship goes through their periods of room mate life....it is just one stage, and easier than not to get out of.  I think that today more people divorce simply because it's easier than working on the relationship.  I think there are certainly times when you have to cut your losses and get out, but not over the situation described in this question.

59.  When was the last time you flirted with someone other than your spouse?

I don't really know, maybe 8 years ago or so.

60.  What does it mean to be good?

I think it depends on what you are referring to.  I think for the most part I am a good person.  This means that I do not go around hurting people on purpose, I follow the laws of the land, I raise my child to be a productive member of society.  I think that is what makes a person good.

61.  List some things you wish you could stop doing but can't.

I have stopped doing most of the things I should not be doing.  I don't drink, smoke, eat crap, or do drugs.  I don't chew my nails, I don't eat too much, I don't sleep too much.  I have lost all my vices...it's just all me now.

62.  Describe a cliche of parenthood that took you by surprise.

The cliche of "you will have to put their needs before your own".  I knew this was true but I didn't realize what that all really meant.  I am often surprised by what I can do in the name of my child that I would never have been able to do for myself.  He brings out the momma bear in me, and I will defend that boy with vigor!

63.  How much money would it take to be happy and does money make it easier to stay happily married?

I think that we all have an amount of many that keeps our heads out of water and gives us a little to play with.  I think that is the amount of money one needs.  I think that although money cannot buy happiness, the lack of many sure can eat away happiness.  Until you have lived without knowing how to buy groceries for you child, or a toy at Christmas you don't realize just how much money plays a roll in happiness.

64.  Is marriage a dictatorship or a democracy?

If it is a dictatorship then get the hell out as fast as your legs can carry you. For the most part a marriage is a give and take, we all dictate a little bit, but for the most part we want what makes our spouse happy, so it is a democracy.

65.  If you had to describe marriage to an alien who had just arrived on earth, what would you say?

I would say that first you fall in love, which is when you know that you are a better person with this person in your life than you are without them.  After falling in love you decide to stay together, through all the ups and downs of life until the end....and you hope to be even stronger then then you were at the beginning.

66.  If someone asked you to share a life lesson that you learned in your 40's what would it be?

I think the most important lesson I have learned is that no one will ever make you happy all of the time, in fact some of the most important people in your life can and will hurt you more than any stranger could ever....but it is all worth it.  Love with your whole heart no matter what pain you have had, life isn't worth living without love.

67.  Define passion in one sentence.

Passion is when you have a uncontrollable desire for something or someone.

68.  What did you imagine falling in love would be like when you were young?

I imagined it would take my breath away, make me not want to eat, not want to sleep, that it would take me over like nothing had ever done before....and that's pretty much what happened.

69.  Knowing what you know now about romance, what would you share with your child.

I would tell my child to be gentle, and giving, with his whole person.  I would tell him not to push, but if it is really right not to ever give up.

70.  Give one reason people should get divorced.

Abuse, of any sort.  No one should ever tear someone down or make them small, ever!

71.  Have you had romantic feeling in the past year for someone other than your spouse?

No!

72.  Are you an advocate of gay marriage?

Yes!

73.  Has your life turned out the way you thought it would.

No, not that it has turned out better or worse, just different than I had imagined as a child.

74,  List 3 things a spouse would do that you would find unforgivable.

Hurt a child in any way.
Hurt a living thing in any way.
Hurt me willingly and intentionally.