Change!

We have decided to put Zeb in dance lessons.  He has been dancing around the house like a little star since, well since he could walk.  Once, when I think he was two or two and a half we were watching "so you think you can dance" and during commercial he got up and started a lyrical dance right there in front of our eyes.  It was beautiful.  He really understood the moves, the expression, the feeling behind his dance.  Both Damie and I were amazed.  Well the time has come, he is now 7 and can handle taking it seriously, and we finally have enough money to do it.  I went to sign him up yesterday, but no one was there so today is the day.

Yesterday Zeb came home from school with a marked assignment in his pile of school stuff. I don't know about most second graders, but Zeb doesn't tell us much.  I will say to him "what did you learn at school today, or what exciting thing happened at school today" and I will get, "well we learned about water, but I don't feel like telling you about it" or " we didn't learn anything new today, just did the usual".  I used to get upset about it, but now I just take it as it is and hope that he will share with me the things that are important in his own time, and he does.  We can be sitting eating dinner and out of the blue he will tell us something they did in a class a few weeks ago, or while we are driving down the road he will point out geometric shapes that they have learned about in school, so I do get the information, just not when I ask.  Well, back to the assignment he brought home yesterday.  It was his persuasive letter, the one he said he had written, but never told us what it was about.  So here I have this notorious letter in my hands.  I will write it for you here.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012

I am going to tell you three reasons why I should take singing and dancing lessons.  First of all, so I can be famous and a cool boy.   Secondly, I should take lessons so I can dance well because it is my dream.  Finally, so I can learn new songs to sing.   Theys are all the reasons why I should take singing and dancing lessons.

He got one of the best marks he has ever gotten on that assignment, and it sure brought a smile to our faces.  He is one surprising little boy. 

I am glad he has this desire to do something, I love it when I hear about kids at an early age knowing exactly what they want to do for the rest of their lives, and do it.  It just blows my mind.  I didn't have that, I was much more of a kid who changed their minds daily about what they wanted to be, I never had a real passion for anything except maybe singing,  so I drifted.  Even when it came to going off to post secondary school I really didn't know what I truly wanted to do.  I went to college for music, but that just didn't fit.  I then changed directions and thought I wanted to be a nurse, but I couldn't handle anything to do with the mouth, so that wasn't going to work, so then I stopped going and went to work full time until I could decide.  I worked in a factory for two years and discovered that what I really wanted to be was a social worker.  I applied to university.  My parents threw a royal fit.  They didn't want me to go to university, they felt that I had a good paying job working at the factory and they didn't want to see me waste my time going back to school.  They literally fought me on this.  I did it anyway, and let me tell you they continued to fight it the whole time I went.  Every single time I talked about it they would get that sound in their voice, the one I had learned really early on meant that they just were not interested in hearing about it.  Needless to say this made going difficult.  I struggled through the first year, and then in my second my friend got sick, and my attention was not on school where it should have been but on her.  I struggled for another year and then she died and I stopped going to school.  I regret letting that go.  I don't want to let it go any more.

Damie and I have talked about it, and we have decided I am going to start back in school in Jan. to finally get my degree.  I don't want to be on my death bed saying "I wish I had finished my dream of getting a degree and being a social worker".  I need to see this through, no matter how difficult it's going to be.  I have all the will and desire to do it, and this time I have a family pushing me forward, wanting me to succeed, to see me fulfill my dream.  I finally have all the elements needed to achieve success.  I am looking forward to that first day, and to the next 3 yrs.  I am going to work hard and do what I should have done 20 yrs ago!

I am thankful for Zeb is so many ways, but what I think I am the most grateful for is seeing possibility again.  I had stopped for a very long time, but through him I can see it.  When he came into our lives the lights all turned on, I could see in colour again and over the course of the last 7 yrs I have found a little part of myself that had been lost for so long.  He certainly has breathed life into our lives, and we will be forever changed!