I have always loved asking difficult questions. Ask anyone who has ever know me well and they will tell you, "she always seems to ask the right questions, even though they are difficult ones, but very necessary". I have always been the kind of person who wants to know more.
As a kid I spent so much time around adults, more so than peers. My parents were either dragging me along to friends homes or those friends were at ours, and I was safest if I stayed in the company of the adults, so that's what I tried to do. They would talk about adult things, regardless of my presence, and I guess it was during those times that I began to ask difficult questions.
I remember feeling more grown up than most of the adults I was around, they all just seemed so shallow, so small. I wasn't like them, I wanted to know the answers, I wanted to talk about real things, get down to the meat and potatoes. I have been that way ever since.
Over the years I have shared many secrets with friends, and they have shared many with me. I have never been one to just sit there and hear what they had to say and leave it there, I have always asked them the questions that have made them think. I think the reason I do this is so that they might see why they are the way they are, or maybe to better understand their motivation. I also need to know details. It's just in me to get the whole story, something lacking in today's world for the most part. I can't tell you how many times I have had friend come to me and say, "you know when you asked that question it kind of made me mad, but once I thought about it and realized the answer I was glad you asked it".
I think in today's world we sit back and not really care about one another. We try very hard to not get too invested in people, certainly don't want to be too intimate with others. We tend to just go through life having inconsequential conversations with 90% of the people we come across, and never truly share. I enjoy those conversations that get down to the meat, I like knowing how things really made you feel. I don't do it to be nosy, I do it because I like to understand it better, to understand the person I am speaking to better, to build a stronger bond through trust and understanding.
Questions are so powerful, sometimes more powerful than the answers. I think, sometimes, that the right questions bring out the best behaviors. I know in my life if the right questions had never been asked, I would never have survived my childhood. The right people asked enough to know, and enough to make me feel close. Questions can save a persons life, they can open doors that may have forever been closed, they can shed light on subjects that could have been forever in the dark. Questions make us human, questions make us connected. Don't ever stop asking questions, they are very powerful!
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Thursday, April 18, 2013
People
I have been writing this blog for over a year now, I have more than 160 posts and can't tell you how many have read it.
Over the past year I have talked openly about my life, my circumstances and the things I find to be important or relevant to write about. Some of the posts have been better than others, one can only do what moves them that particular day. I don't write posts beforehand, I write them and post them the same day, this makes it so that I don't edit, I don't change and I can't turn back.
There have been countless people from North America read my blog, but I have had numerous people visit from many, many countries. There are regular readers from Russia, India, Australia, and many countries in South America, just to name a few. I like this part of blogging, as it just astonishes me having people all over the world reading my stories.
Along with all these visitors I have had many, many comments. Some I publish, some I keep to myself, some come to me via facebook, some by email. I enjoy the feedback, I enjoy hearing what others get out of my words, but most importantly I love how much my circumstances are shared by others. I have had people message me about their abuse as children. I have had people message me about how what I said helped them with the way they are feeling. I have had people message me to let me know I am not alone. This is the most powerful aspect of having this blog. Knowing that I am not the only one who has felt this way, gone through these things, or been as upset as I have been about certain things, has all made me feel like I am one of many walking down the same road.
My plan is to always blog, it's something I enjoy for the most part, and I do look forward to all the new, and old readers coming in and enjoying the words for a few minutes of the day. I look forward to hearing from as many as want to share, and I hope that through that it will keep me interested enough to keep going.
I blog for me, no one else. I don't hide anything, and I don't make up anything, it's my truth as I see it. I will never make apologies for the things I have said, as they are my truth and no one else's. I love the freedom of getting it out of my head and out into the universe. It's so much more productive to have it out there and not knocking around, driving me crazy!
So, thank you!! Thank you, all those people who come her and enjoy. It makes it all so much more interesting!
Over the past year I have talked openly about my life, my circumstances and the things I find to be important or relevant to write about. Some of the posts have been better than others, one can only do what moves them that particular day. I don't write posts beforehand, I write them and post them the same day, this makes it so that I don't edit, I don't change and I can't turn back.
There have been countless people from North America read my blog, but I have had numerous people visit from many, many countries. There are regular readers from Russia, India, Australia, and many countries in South America, just to name a few. I like this part of blogging, as it just astonishes me having people all over the world reading my stories.
Along with all these visitors I have had many, many comments. Some I publish, some I keep to myself, some come to me via facebook, some by email. I enjoy the feedback, I enjoy hearing what others get out of my words, but most importantly I love how much my circumstances are shared by others. I have had people message me about their abuse as children. I have had people message me about how what I said helped them with the way they are feeling. I have had people message me to let me know I am not alone. This is the most powerful aspect of having this blog. Knowing that I am not the only one who has felt this way, gone through these things, or been as upset as I have been about certain things, has all made me feel like I am one of many walking down the same road.
My plan is to always blog, it's something I enjoy for the most part, and I do look forward to all the new, and old readers coming in and enjoying the words for a few minutes of the day. I look forward to hearing from as many as want to share, and I hope that through that it will keep me interested enough to keep going.
I blog for me, no one else. I don't hide anything, and I don't make up anything, it's my truth as I see it. I will never make apologies for the things I have said, as they are my truth and no one else's. I love the freedom of getting it out of my head and out into the universe. It's so much more productive to have it out there and not knocking around, driving me crazy!
So, thank you!! Thank you, all those people who come her and enjoy. It makes it all so much more interesting!
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
Obstacles
There are always going to be obstacles in our way, I described a really big one yesterday in my N post. With any sort of obstacle we can either let us stop us, which I have done countless times, or we can walk around it and keep on going. I am learning to do the latter.
Being gay was a major obstacle for me, in more ways than I can ever describe in a simple entry blog, however I can explain some of the bigger challenges "obstacles" I have encountered.
Just being gay is an obstacle in life. You are torn between doing and living your "real" life and that of the life you think is more accepted. There isn't anyone in your life, no matter how liberal your friends or family are, who want you to be gay. No one is ever praising the heavens that there daughter turned out to be gay. Yes, people can accept, but it isn't something they are ever thrilled about. This makes it hard to life "real". You want people to be happy with you, you don't want to rock the boat, and you don't want to take the chance that people whom you really care about are going to walk away. Sure, if they walk they aren't worth anything right, but that is easier said than actually lived. I lost people who I thought would be in my life forever, and yes, now I know I am better without them, but it took some time.
There is also the obstacle of wanting a family, when every single thing you read says that "gays" can't raise children. You know in your heart you will never be truly whole without that family you have dreamt of, but you also don't want to bring a child into a world where there is more written about how selfish your parents are than how great they are doing. If you do decide to fulfill your dream, then from the minute that little human is out into the real world you feel this need to be perfect. Everyone who has ever raised a child knows that you aren't going to be perfect, but yet when you do it under these circumstances you feel the need to try harder than everyone else. I feared that one day I would hear, "well of course he has issues, look who is parents are", but luckily I haven't heard that. That doesn't take away from the fact that I feel I have to do better than the breeders. I feel like all eyes are watching and I have to live up to the mustard or else we will be blamed for everything simply because we are gay....certainly not because we are making mistakes just like everyone else. It's a very heavy weight to hold on my shoulders I can tell you.
You also face the obstacles of family. Some will accept, some will not. Unlike friends you can just walk away from, family stays in your life in ways that you can't help. We faced a real obstacle when it came to Damie's parents. At the beginning of our relationship they both said that they would accept that I was her "friend" we weren't to touch in front of them, we weren't to let on we were a couple at all. For a while I felt like it was okay, at least they weren't turning away from her. When I got pregnant her mom seemed happy, but during the time of the pregnancy she seemed to change. She never seemed upset about the baby coming, she just seemed to be always upset with me. Later, after Zeb came into the world Damie's dad refused to call him Zeb, and did not ever want Zeb calling him anything other than his first name. This was a big obstacle, as it created a situation that we just didn't know how we were going to handle later when he was old enough to know what was happening. Damie's mom became more and more difficult, and now plays no role in our life at all. I don't know what really happened, I can only guess, but my best guess is that she realized at some point during that pregnancy that this was not a faze her daughter was going through, it in fact was a life long situation and her dream for a straight daughter was gone for good. I don't know if she blamed me for it, maybe she did, maybe it was easier to blame than to accept. I do know it was a big obstacle in our family.
I have learned that there really isn't much that you can let stand in your way, no matter what you are moving towards. You can let others try, you can let money try, you can even let your fears try, but if you are really going to live your "real" life, the one God expects from you, then you have to move past those obstacles. I really think they are put there for a reason, I think they are great tests. I think that those tests teach you better than anything else can, just how strong you are, how resilient you are, and just how much you are willing to do to reach your happiness. Like they say, nothing worth anything comes easy, so dig deep and move on by!!
Being gay was a major obstacle for me, in more ways than I can ever describe in a simple entry blog, however I can explain some of the bigger challenges "obstacles" I have encountered.
Just being gay is an obstacle in life. You are torn between doing and living your "real" life and that of the life you think is more accepted. There isn't anyone in your life, no matter how liberal your friends or family are, who want you to be gay. No one is ever praising the heavens that there daughter turned out to be gay. Yes, people can accept, but it isn't something they are ever thrilled about. This makes it hard to life "real". You want people to be happy with you, you don't want to rock the boat, and you don't want to take the chance that people whom you really care about are going to walk away. Sure, if they walk they aren't worth anything right, but that is easier said than actually lived. I lost people who I thought would be in my life forever, and yes, now I know I am better without them, but it took some time.
There is also the obstacle of wanting a family, when every single thing you read says that "gays" can't raise children. You know in your heart you will never be truly whole without that family you have dreamt of, but you also don't want to bring a child into a world where there is more written about how selfish your parents are than how great they are doing. If you do decide to fulfill your dream, then from the minute that little human is out into the real world you feel this need to be perfect. Everyone who has ever raised a child knows that you aren't going to be perfect, but yet when you do it under these circumstances you feel the need to try harder than everyone else. I feared that one day I would hear, "well of course he has issues, look who is parents are", but luckily I haven't heard that. That doesn't take away from the fact that I feel I have to do better than the breeders. I feel like all eyes are watching and I have to live up to the mustard or else we will be blamed for everything simply because we are gay....certainly not because we are making mistakes just like everyone else. It's a very heavy weight to hold on my shoulders I can tell you.
You also face the obstacles of family. Some will accept, some will not. Unlike friends you can just walk away from, family stays in your life in ways that you can't help. We faced a real obstacle when it came to Damie's parents. At the beginning of our relationship they both said that they would accept that I was her "friend" we weren't to touch in front of them, we weren't to let on we were a couple at all. For a while I felt like it was okay, at least they weren't turning away from her. When I got pregnant her mom seemed happy, but during the time of the pregnancy she seemed to change. She never seemed upset about the baby coming, she just seemed to be always upset with me. Later, after Zeb came into the world Damie's dad refused to call him Zeb, and did not ever want Zeb calling him anything other than his first name. This was a big obstacle, as it created a situation that we just didn't know how we were going to handle later when he was old enough to know what was happening. Damie's mom became more and more difficult, and now plays no role in our life at all. I don't know what really happened, I can only guess, but my best guess is that she realized at some point during that pregnancy that this was not a faze her daughter was going through, it in fact was a life long situation and her dream for a straight daughter was gone for good. I don't know if she blamed me for it, maybe she did, maybe it was easier to blame than to accept. I do know it was a big obstacle in our family.
I have learned that there really isn't much that you can let stand in your way, no matter what you are moving towards. You can let others try, you can let money try, you can even let your fears try, but if you are really going to live your "real" life, the one God expects from you, then you have to move past those obstacles. I really think they are put there for a reason, I think they are great tests. I think that those tests teach you better than anything else can, just how strong you are, how resilient you are, and just how much you are willing to do to reach your happiness. Like they say, nothing worth anything comes easy, so dig deep and move on by!!
Tuesday, April 16, 2013
Nuts
Today we (as in me and my partner) were witnesses of a nut....a real nut, I mean a nut bag. Yes, not the first time, but it was a bit more than we expected.
A month or so ago it was time for yearly bonus' at my partners job. She has been working really hard and was counting on a nice bonus, something we could use to pay up on some bills we owe, maybe put some extra money into our son's education plan, and if we were really lucky, go on a modest family vacation (something we haven't done for 4 yrs). We thought this because when she was hired she was told that bonus' were part of salary if you qualified. She new she had qualified after working there only 4 months. She sells insurance and by years end had sold 52% of the total new sales for the office...all by herself. There were two other sales people in the office and she had blown them out of the water.
Well, finally the day arrived and it was time to talk turkey. He had put it off for a month by this time so we were kind of biting at the bit to get our hands on the cash. Well if he didn't sit her down and offer her a fraction of what the bonus should have been. We knew, roughly how much he had gotten from the company so we had our eyes on a small portion of it, however what he offered wasn't anything near what we had hoped for. He asked her if it was okay, and she told him "no, not even slightly" they then went back and forth about what she thought and what he was willing to do, and well to make a long story short by the end of that conversation she knew it was time to go and work somewhere that would appreciate her hard work. By the end of business day she had an offer on the table, and was going to go meet with the guy who became her new boss after work.
We were fine with all of it, it didn't make us happy but the fact of the matter is if you don't like how you are treated you have two options. One being stay and take it, don't complain and just keep your head down, or go to where things could be different. We decided it was best to go.
Even though she had planned on quitting she had decided she was not going to give her notice until she received her bonus check. The night before she should have received it he called her into his office and told her he had decided that he was going to take away her salary (she works on commission and salary) and that he was going to reduce her commission to 2 points lower than it was currently. He said that it was because she got so upset about the bonus. Well she then told him that she was giving him her two weeks notice. He told her to just consider that day to be her last.
Her bonus check was supposed to be directly deposited into her account at some point during the night, but when she got up in the morning she had no such deposit. It was Good Friday of Easter weekend, and since we were all at home off we went to her former bosses office. When we arrived he claimed to have stopped the payment because he didn't know if she was going to come back and destroy his office or something and wanted to safeguard himself (this coming from a man that only a few weeks before had had such a temper tantrum that he punched two holes into the office wall). Yes, she was that kind of a threat...she left happily, glad it was over but I guess to him that meant she was going to come back and trash the place. He paid her what he owed her, and they agreed that he would have her last commission check to her on the 15th of April.
So, yesterday she was supposed to go pick up her check but was unable to make it before end of day so she texted him and let him know she would be by at 9 am this morning to pick up the check. She arrived at his office at 9 this morning to find him sitting in his car. She went inside to the office to talk to a friend there, thinking he would be in shortly, well a half hour went by and he still hadn't come in, so she went outside and sat in her car since she was stopping the ladies in the office from doing what they needed to do.
Finally, a half hour later he gets out of his car and comes over to her and says "how dare you sit there and stare at me" She explained that she was not staring at him, merely just waiting in her personal vehicle. He then went on to say that there was no check made up, and that he wouldn't have a check for an hour or two. Well his office is more than an hour away from her current office so leaving and coming back was not going to happen. The only thing she could do was wait until 11 am to get the check.
At 11am she entered the office and asked if he was ready, when he replied that she was not welcome in his office and to get the F*** out. She then said she would be waiting in the parking lot, and expected the check quickly as he was just unnecessarily holding her up. She then called the police, who informed her that they could not force him to pay her, but they could happily come over and scare him...and keep her safe all at the same time. Before they could arrive he came out saying he was only going to pay her 1/2 of what he owed her, and that she also had to sign something saying that she could not sue him for any more, or she could take a check for an even lessor amount which came with no paper to sign. She then called me, and then called a lawyer just to find out that in the state of Michigan one can take a former employer to court to get monies owing them, but that since it was not thousands upon thousands it would cost her more in legal fees than what he owned her. His suggestion to her was get as much out of him as she could as there was little chance she would see another penny. She took the larger of the two checks, signed the waver and left.
Crazy lives in nice houses, running Allstate agencies and look normal. Crazy isn't always who you think they will be, they can be the ones you least expect.
Crazy seems to always win!
A month or so ago it was time for yearly bonus' at my partners job. She has been working really hard and was counting on a nice bonus, something we could use to pay up on some bills we owe, maybe put some extra money into our son's education plan, and if we were really lucky, go on a modest family vacation (something we haven't done for 4 yrs). We thought this because when she was hired she was told that bonus' were part of salary if you qualified. She new she had qualified after working there only 4 months. She sells insurance and by years end had sold 52% of the total new sales for the office...all by herself. There were two other sales people in the office and she had blown them out of the water.
Well, finally the day arrived and it was time to talk turkey. He had put it off for a month by this time so we were kind of biting at the bit to get our hands on the cash. Well if he didn't sit her down and offer her a fraction of what the bonus should have been. We knew, roughly how much he had gotten from the company so we had our eyes on a small portion of it, however what he offered wasn't anything near what we had hoped for. He asked her if it was okay, and she told him "no, not even slightly" they then went back and forth about what she thought and what he was willing to do, and well to make a long story short by the end of that conversation she knew it was time to go and work somewhere that would appreciate her hard work. By the end of business day she had an offer on the table, and was going to go meet with the guy who became her new boss after work.
We were fine with all of it, it didn't make us happy but the fact of the matter is if you don't like how you are treated you have two options. One being stay and take it, don't complain and just keep your head down, or go to where things could be different. We decided it was best to go.
Even though she had planned on quitting she had decided she was not going to give her notice until she received her bonus check. The night before she should have received it he called her into his office and told her he had decided that he was going to take away her salary (she works on commission and salary) and that he was going to reduce her commission to 2 points lower than it was currently. He said that it was because she got so upset about the bonus. Well she then told him that she was giving him her two weeks notice. He told her to just consider that day to be her last.
Her bonus check was supposed to be directly deposited into her account at some point during the night, but when she got up in the morning she had no such deposit. It was Good Friday of Easter weekend, and since we were all at home off we went to her former bosses office. When we arrived he claimed to have stopped the payment because he didn't know if she was going to come back and destroy his office or something and wanted to safeguard himself (this coming from a man that only a few weeks before had had such a temper tantrum that he punched two holes into the office wall). Yes, she was that kind of a threat...she left happily, glad it was over but I guess to him that meant she was going to come back and trash the place. He paid her what he owed her, and they agreed that he would have her last commission check to her on the 15th of April.
So, yesterday she was supposed to go pick up her check but was unable to make it before end of day so she texted him and let him know she would be by at 9 am this morning to pick up the check. She arrived at his office at 9 this morning to find him sitting in his car. She went inside to the office to talk to a friend there, thinking he would be in shortly, well a half hour went by and he still hadn't come in, so she went outside and sat in her car since she was stopping the ladies in the office from doing what they needed to do.
Finally, a half hour later he gets out of his car and comes over to her and says "how dare you sit there and stare at me" She explained that she was not staring at him, merely just waiting in her personal vehicle. He then went on to say that there was no check made up, and that he wouldn't have a check for an hour or two. Well his office is more than an hour away from her current office so leaving and coming back was not going to happen. The only thing she could do was wait until 11 am to get the check.
At 11am she entered the office and asked if he was ready, when he replied that she was not welcome in his office and to get the F*** out. She then said she would be waiting in the parking lot, and expected the check quickly as he was just unnecessarily holding her up. She then called the police, who informed her that they could not force him to pay her, but they could happily come over and scare him...and keep her safe all at the same time. Before they could arrive he came out saying he was only going to pay her 1/2 of what he owed her, and that she also had to sign something saying that she could not sue him for any more, or she could take a check for an even lessor amount which came with no paper to sign. She then called me, and then called a lawyer just to find out that in the state of Michigan one can take a former employer to court to get monies owing them, but that since it was not thousands upon thousands it would cost her more in legal fees than what he owned her. His suggestion to her was get as much out of him as she could as there was little chance she would see another penny. She took the larger of the two checks, signed the waver and left.
Crazy lives in nice houses, running Allstate agencies and look normal. Crazy isn't always who you think they will be, they can be the ones you least expect.
Crazy seems to always win!
Monday, April 15, 2013
Motivation
For a very long time I waited to be motivated to do things, if I didn't feel the motivation fill my body I just didn't do it. That include all sorts of life's jobs like, dishes, laundry, cleaning. Sometimes it would take a few weeks to get motivated to clean the house, yes gross right. Usually it wasn't motivation that kicked in as much as the dust bunnies threatening to attack while I was asleep that did the trick.
Somewhere along the line I have realized that if I'm going to wait for motivation to come into my life, I will be waiting a long time. Somewhere along the path I learned that what motivation actually does is it comes after you have already started. This goes for all things, but I have learned it the most when it comes to exercise.
There are days I don't feel like getting off the couch, I don't feel like getting out of my pj's let alone anything else. I could have quit life, but instead I would force myself out of my flannels and onto the streets. By the time I made it down the first street on the way to dropping my son off at school I felt better and then I was motivated to do more.
Motivation is a funny thing, sometimes it's the scale that motivates, sometimes it's the sunshine, sometimes it that good friend that's going to give you a hard time if you don't get out and walk with her, and sometimes it's just the memory of how you feel when you get doing.
The house still gets dirty, but I no longer leave it weeks, it's cleaned almost daily. I still leave dirty dishes in the sink, but they are cleaned before the end of the day, everyday. I still have a hard time getting myself to the gym, but knowing that I feel better doing it than not gets me there. I enjoy motivating myself, I enjoy feeling like I am doing instead of just letting days go by.
So remember, don't wait for motivation to kick you in the ass, turn it around and kick motivation in it's ass!!
Somewhere along the line I have realized that if I'm going to wait for motivation to come into my life, I will be waiting a long time. Somewhere along the path I learned that what motivation actually does is it comes after you have already started. This goes for all things, but I have learned it the most when it comes to exercise.
There are days I don't feel like getting off the couch, I don't feel like getting out of my pj's let alone anything else. I could have quit life, but instead I would force myself out of my flannels and onto the streets. By the time I made it down the first street on the way to dropping my son off at school I felt better and then I was motivated to do more.
Motivation is a funny thing, sometimes it's the scale that motivates, sometimes it's the sunshine, sometimes it that good friend that's going to give you a hard time if you don't get out and walk with her, and sometimes it's just the memory of how you feel when you get doing.
The house still gets dirty, but I no longer leave it weeks, it's cleaned almost daily. I still leave dirty dishes in the sink, but they are cleaned before the end of the day, everyday. I still have a hard time getting myself to the gym, but knowing that I feel better doing it than not gets me there. I enjoy motivating myself, I enjoy feeling like I am doing instead of just letting days go by.
So remember, don't wait for motivation to kick you in the ass, turn it around and kick motivation in it's ass!!
Sunday, April 14, 2013
Like mustard gas coming out my A$$
I don't eat a lot on a daily basis. My diet consists of mostly lean meats, low fat dairy, veggies and fruit. On a normal day I consume between 55 and 70 grams of protein, and for the most part that protein comes from chicken, turkey, shrimp and once a day I have a good quality protein drink. There are days I will eat some carbs that don't come from fruits and vegetables, but not many and always whole grains. It's pretty uneventful for the most part, I don't have many exciting meals, but then again I am trying to learn what my body needs and only consume that fuel and nothing else.
For the most part I feel great, nothing really negative to report other than the incredible amounts of gas I have. It is like no other gas I have ever experienced in my life.
The other day I was in the car with my family jokingly saying that my gas is like mustard gas coming out of my a$$...I should bottle it and go after all the bad guys in the world. It's pretty intense and a little annoying, I must say.
I know, maybe this is too much information, but it is what my life has become. After having bariatric surgery you become consumed by food. All day long you are adding up protein amounts, keeping track of water consumption and trying to burn as many calories as you can. It's an all day obsession, really more so than ever before having the surgery. One would think that after having a surgery like this you could finally put the scale away, not have to worry too much about things like calories, and just go through your day knowing that the weight is going to just come off. That is so far from the case I can't tell you. I think more about food than I ever did before surgery. I have to think about every single thing I put in my mouth, and not only that, but I have to also think about how I eat that food, how often I drink, when I drink, and if I have done it right today.
After you have surgery your whole eating process changes. You cannot drink 1/2 hour before meals, and not for at least 1/2 hour after. The farther you are out of surgery increases the time after meals that you can drink. An example of that is, now that I am almost 7 months out of surgery I eat more food at meals, which means that my pouch is full with solid foods. In order for my pouch to do any digestion I have to give it time to do so, therefore I do not drink anything for at least 45 minutes after meals. Right after surgery I was only eating fluids, for 4 weeks. During that time I didn't have to worry about when I could drink after meals as it was all the same, and all moved at the same pace. Before surgery I thought that drinking was going to be my biggest challenge, but it's not, it has actually come very naturally. I don't miss not drinking as I eat, surprisingly. I do miss not drinking after I'm done, but it's getting better.
Other than sticking to the rules and knowing what I should be doing on a daily basis, this has come pretty easily for me. I wouldn't change a thing, I made the absolute best decision for me when I decided to do this, and I am healthier than I have been in years. No regrets whatsoever!!
For the most part I feel great, nothing really negative to report other than the incredible amounts of gas I have. It is like no other gas I have ever experienced in my life.
The other day I was in the car with my family jokingly saying that my gas is like mustard gas coming out of my a$$...I should bottle it and go after all the bad guys in the world. It's pretty intense and a little annoying, I must say.
I know, maybe this is too much information, but it is what my life has become. After having bariatric surgery you become consumed by food. All day long you are adding up protein amounts, keeping track of water consumption and trying to burn as many calories as you can. It's an all day obsession, really more so than ever before having the surgery. One would think that after having a surgery like this you could finally put the scale away, not have to worry too much about things like calories, and just go through your day knowing that the weight is going to just come off. That is so far from the case I can't tell you. I think more about food than I ever did before surgery. I have to think about every single thing I put in my mouth, and not only that, but I have to also think about how I eat that food, how often I drink, when I drink, and if I have done it right today.
After you have surgery your whole eating process changes. You cannot drink 1/2 hour before meals, and not for at least 1/2 hour after. The farther you are out of surgery increases the time after meals that you can drink. An example of that is, now that I am almost 7 months out of surgery I eat more food at meals, which means that my pouch is full with solid foods. In order for my pouch to do any digestion I have to give it time to do so, therefore I do not drink anything for at least 45 minutes after meals. Right after surgery I was only eating fluids, for 4 weeks. During that time I didn't have to worry about when I could drink after meals as it was all the same, and all moved at the same pace. Before surgery I thought that drinking was going to be my biggest challenge, but it's not, it has actually come very naturally. I don't miss not drinking as I eat, surprisingly. I do miss not drinking after I'm done, but it's getting better.
Other than sticking to the rules and knowing what I should be doing on a daily basis, this has come pretty easily for me. I wouldn't change a thing, I made the absolute best decision for me when I decided to do this, and I am healthier than I have been in years. No regrets whatsoever!!
Friday, April 12, 2013
Karma
I truly believe in Karma, not because I am Hindu, Jain, Buddhist, or Sikh, but because I have actually witnessed it happening.
I think for the most part we all believe the saying "What goes around comes around". I know I do. Does that mean I don't do things wrong, of course not, I am human after all. What it does mean is I try very hard not to do things to others that I would not appreciate done to me. I am not always successful, and have put my foot it more than once, yet I try everyday to do my best.
I know in my own life I have seen the effects of karma, both to me and to others. For a long time I lived a life that I would have to describe as not being my authentic self, to use a wonderful Oprah catch phrase. I wasn't going around hurting people or making others lives difficult, but I wasn't being truly honest to myself of others as to how I was living my life. I justified this by saying I'm not hurting anyone, and no one has to know that difference, but you know what I'm going to say next...it all caught up to me anyways.
This lesson was a hard one, as I then spent several years trying to repair myself and my life from all those years of not living real. No, no one was hurt, except me, but karma sure did come back and bite me, as you would say. I have learned that it just doesn't pay to try to be, or live in a way that you shouldn't, that isn't really you or true.
There are people who go through life treating everyone badly, I'm sure you know some of those people, everyone has at least one in their lives. The just go through life taking, never giving, and don't give a single moments thought to others around them. If you are like me you question from time to time why it is that they get away with that, and why is it that we don't get to see them get theirs. Well that's the funny thing about karma isn't it. We don't always get to see how it comes back to them, sometimes it takes a really long time for it to, and if we are lucky we have disposed of those people long before they ever reap what they have sowed.
Now, isn't that funny how in the last sentence in my last paragraph I used the saying "reap what they have sowed", that comes from the Bible, it is a lesson taught in various books with in it. Isn't it funny how at the beginning I said that I believe in karma and then listed that I do despite the fact that I am not Hindu, Jain, Buddhist, or Sikh. It seems there isn't a religion out there that doesn't have some sort of belief in what we see and describe as karma. Again, we are much more alike than different aren't we.
It would be lovely to actually see those who should get theirs get it, but that is not always our gift. I think that for me at least, rather than sit and wait to see the guy who was a real jerk to me get his, I would much rather just be grateful that I am not him, and I also that I don't have to put up with him anymore.
Karma is a great thing, so glad it's out there for all of us to watch and to fear....
I think for the most part we all believe the saying "What goes around comes around". I know I do. Does that mean I don't do things wrong, of course not, I am human after all. What it does mean is I try very hard not to do things to others that I would not appreciate done to me. I am not always successful, and have put my foot it more than once, yet I try everyday to do my best.
I know in my own life I have seen the effects of karma, both to me and to others. For a long time I lived a life that I would have to describe as not being my authentic self, to use a wonderful Oprah catch phrase. I wasn't going around hurting people or making others lives difficult, but I wasn't being truly honest to myself of others as to how I was living my life. I justified this by saying I'm not hurting anyone, and no one has to know that difference, but you know what I'm going to say next...it all caught up to me anyways.
This lesson was a hard one, as I then spent several years trying to repair myself and my life from all those years of not living real. No, no one was hurt, except me, but karma sure did come back and bite me, as you would say. I have learned that it just doesn't pay to try to be, or live in a way that you shouldn't, that isn't really you or true.
There are people who go through life treating everyone badly, I'm sure you know some of those people, everyone has at least one in their lives. The just go through life taking, never giving, and don't give a single moments thought to others around them. If you are like me you question from time to time why it is that they get away with that, and why is it that we don't get to see them get theirs. Well that's the funny thing about karma isn't it. We don't always get to see how it comes back to them, sometimes it takes a really long time for it to, and if we are lucky we have disposed of those people long before they ever reap what they have sowed.
Now, isn't that funny how in the last sentence in my last paragraph I used the saying "reap what they have sowed", that comes from the Bible, it is a lesson taught in various books with in it. Isn't it funny how at the beginning I said that I believe in karma and then listed that I do despite the fact that I am not Hindu, Jain, Buddhist, or Sikh. It seems there isn't a religion out there that doesn't have some sort of belief in what we see and describe as karma. Again, we are much more alike than different aren't we.
It would be lovely to actually see those who should get theirs get it, but that is not always our gift. I think that for me at least, rather than sit and wait to see the guy who was a real jerk to me get his, I would much rather just be grateful that I am not him, and I also that I don't have to put up with him anymore.
Karma is a great thing, so glad it's out there for all of us to watch and to fear....
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