Okay, so Cynthia Nixon said in an interview that she is gay by choice, and that made all the gay rights people crazy!! What's the problem here, because I just don't understand it. We all find out new things about ourselves as we grow and develop as individuals. Even new things about our sexuality.
I have really had it up to here with people who put so much importance on sexuality. I don't think it helps anyone to keep talking about it like it is what defines us as human beings. It is not what defines me, it is a small part of who I am, but quite frankly it plays a much smaller role then say, being a mother does. Who I fall in love with is not what defines me as human, but instead my ability to love and to be loved is what I feel defines me. Over the course of the last few years we have heard one celebrity or another come "out of the closet" and place their gay badge on their shirt like it's some sort of metal. I don't feel that way at all. And maybe that is what makes me different, even more different than just being gay.
I never came out to anyone, well other than to myself and a couple of friends who just needed to be told in order to clarify things. I have never felt the need to get on some soap box and scream "I'm gay, now deal with it". I don't know why anyone really would ever need to do that. I think what gay people want more than anyone is to be treated like everyone else, but yet all in all there is this need to share the gay badge to everyone who will look or listen. I am 44 yrs old and have yet to hear a single straight person say to me, "Hi, my name is Susan. I have two kids and oh by the way, I'm straight". Has anyone ever heard a straight person say that?? I don't need to know who anyone sleeps with to befriend them, or to think that we all need equal rights. I don't need everyone that I come in contact with to know, "oh by the way, Zeb has two mom's I hope that's okay with you". I have never lived that way, and I have known I was gay since I was 10 yrs old, if not before. My brothers never came down stairs one day and sat my parents down and said, "mom and dad, I don't know for sure but I think I just might be straight". Yes you can say that is not something straight people have to do as it's just assumed, but if we want to be treated equally and not differently we need to start acting that way. I don't need your blessing, or you acceptance, or your opinion, all I ever need is your love and that should come no matter who I choose to love. I think too much is made out of something that to me seems as normal as any other one thing about me.
Several years ago I was talking about religion with a Jewish friend of mine. She lived mostly as a Jew, except she did not believe in all the dietary restrictions. She said she felt that they were made in a time when they did have some relevance, but in modern day, with all the types of food storage we have now all of that had become obsolete. She said something that has stayed with me all this time. What she said is, "most Jew's who were born Jewish, and had Jewish heritage do not follow it to the T, but those who marry into it or convert are the strongest followers know to man". I think that is true is so many aspects of life. I think that is true with gay people as well. Those of us who have always known just sort of take it all for granted, don't feel it is something we need to constantly talk about or shove down people's throats, but those who have learned about that part of themselves later in life seem to need to share it with everyone. Maybe it's because a light has gone on, and they finally have answers to all their questions, maybe it's because if they aren't the perfect Gay they won't be included in the club, or maybe it's just that they are so proud of themselves for figuring it out that they feel the need to share it with everyone they come across. I don't know as I am not one of them. What I do know is I don't get it. It is me, it is not all of me, and it is not something I really need to share. Am I proud to be gay, of course I am. I would not have ever had children if I did not feel proud of who I am, as I couldn't ever expect my children to be proud of me if I wasn't first. There is nothing wrong with pride. But why do we have to have so much pride that we stick it in people's faces.
I am not one to go to gay pride parades, simply for the fact that that is not a place that I would be proud to take my child. Unfortunately this is where many people form their opinion of gays. I am not sure anyone can have any respect for a group when all you see is indecent activities, the types you don't want your children to see. This does not in any way help the cause, in real fact it hurts it. It certainly does not bring any pride to me, in fact I am embarrassed by most of it. There is a time and place to be so flamboyant, and it is not in a public street. I really feel the more we live inside society as just regular folks the more advancement we will have. No one is afraid of people who look just like them, hold jobs just like them, have children in schools just like them, and pay taxes just like them. No one would ever be offended by someone who is just trying to make it in the world like everyone else. I am not big on public shows of affection, not with gays or straights. I have always been aware of my surroundings and what I have felt would be appropriate. I feel that it is about respect more than anything else. I don't think it is anything that needs to be shown outside of ones home. I think that some gays show all this affection in public for shock more than anything else. Even I am uncomfortable around it, as it is just too much. I don't need to see anyone heavy petting down at the fireworks display on the 4th of July, gay or straight. These are the things that need to be changed.
I think that it is important to achieve equal rights under the law for gays. This is not really about being gay at all, but more importantly it's about all humans being equal. Isn't that what it's all about. You may not agree with the way we live our lives, but you can't deny that we are equals. I don't agree with people who cheat on their spouses, or ones that use marriage as a tool in which to make money and afford fame, however I feel that they deserve equal rights under the law.
As far a Cynthia Nixon. She fell in love with a man, had two kids and then divorced. She has now fallen in love with a woman, and there is not one thing wrong with that. What is wrong is trying to push it down her throat that since she has made the choice it can't be a choice but rather the way she has been wired all along. I prefer to refer to my sexuality as being more about who I am attracted to rather than what sex I am attracted to. I prefer to be with woman as I feel there is more of a intimate connection, but that does not mean that I don't find things about males very attractive I do. It is just in my experience, I feel more honest when I am with a female than when I am with a male. Is is a choice, sure to some degree it is a choice. I could live the rest of my life without either male or females, but I choose to be with Damie. I am sure I could have lived my life married to a man, but it wouldn't have been the most honest of relationships. I know it would have made my life easier, just go with the crowd, blend in, don't make waves, live the way that is more acceptable. I preferred to be totally loved and to totally love instead. That is better for me, better for my partner and much better for my child.
I think it's time to give up the definitions, and just start being who we are and living the way we feel most authentic. It is no ones business anyway.
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