Z

Today is one of three things.  It is the very last day of the A-Z challenge, and I have to say I am glad I did it, but I am also equally glad it's over.  It's my birthday, which makes celebrating the end of this challenge even that more special, and finally it's the day I will write about the most precious gift I ever received, my son Zeb.

20 yrs ago I was in a very dark, sad, place.  I thought for sure there was nothing worth living for, that I was just going to be sad forever and I couldn't deal with it.  I took a bunch of pills and ended up very close to ending my life.  I was lucky, I was lucky because there was a group of people in my life that had to remind me of what kind of future I had in store, and they had to do that over and over.   These people literally saved my life, they kept my dreams alive, and they saw what I could not see, and that was the end to the darkness.  I will be forever grateful, and on my birthday I acknowledge their help, love, and vision.   Thank you so much Sheri, Elizabeth, and Miriam.  Without you, I would not be here righting about the best thing that has ever happened to me, and the answer to all my questions.

When I found out that I was pregnant I secretly wanted a girl.  I had always wanted a girl for as long as I could remember.  What on earth would I do with a boy?  I have nothing in common with a boy, I don't like many sports unless they are in the final playoff of the season, I don't like snakes, frogs, mud pies, etc.  boy things are just not my things.  I knew with a girl I could dress her up, I could watch her dance in her dance class ever week and love it, I could spoil her with nice clothes, fun activities, and lots of Mommy/daughter time.  I wanted a girl, but I never shared that with anyone until I had my second ultrasound.

Until we knew the sex we called the little creature in my stomach Sam.  It was a name I liked, it reminded me of this special child I had looked after and gotten to know well years ago, and it could easily go with a girl or a boy.  There were many nights, while laying in bed talking, that Damie and I would talk to little Sam.  So much excitement, and so many plans were made during those nights taking to our baby in my tummy.

At my second ultrasound we knew we were going to be able to find out the sex.  We had decided before going that we wanted to know, and that way we could plan accordingly. I was secretly wanting a girl, and I think Damie was wanting a boy, but we really never discussed it.  Damie's mom came that day, so it was the three of us waiting patiently while the tech pressed the wand on my belly, gliding over it with the help of the cold, sticky lubricant.   Finally she had discovered the sex and asked us what we wanted.  In unison we all yelled out our desire....I yelled girl, and Damie and her mom yelled boy!!  I was shocked and even a little mad because I really felt outnumbered, like that would matter it was already determined right, but I couldn't help it.  The tech then said, "well two of you are right!!!"  I was so disappointed, I can't tell you.  I really wanted a girl, but what was I going to do?

Over the next few months I got used to the idea of having a boy, we even named him.  Zebulon Samuel!  Of course we kept the Sam thing, as it was what we had been calling him, and it was after that special boy I once knew.  Zebulon, well that was another thing. 

When I was a kid I had a couple of favorite shows.  One was the Walton's.  I loved it, mostly because it was about a wonderful family who loved each other and wanted the very best for each member.  I loved the mom and dad,  I loved the thought of having all those brothers and sisters, and all the fun that it would bring.   Most importantly I love the way the male characters were, very honorable, very kind, and very trustworthy.  I especially loved the Grandfather.  He was very kind, understanding, funny, emotional, and he was someone you could trust.  That is who I named my son after.

When Zeb finally came into the world we had a bit of a hard time getting people to call him Zeb.  There were a couple who wanted to continue calling him Sam, as they didn't like the name Zeb.  How rude is that??  I just didn't understand that, but yet that is the way it was.  I thought from the very first day that his name suited him to a T.  He looks like a Zeb, and he certainly acts like a Zeb. 

This little boy, who isn't exactly really little anymore, has turned my world upside down.  I never realized how much a boy could bring to my life.  I have learned so much from him, but more importantly I have learned so much about myself.  Through him I understand that boys are kind, caring, sensitive, loving, really all of the things that girls are.  He has a way about him that is so easy, without drama.  I like that he can just let things roll off his back, and not let the little things bug him.  I like that he can easily talk to people, like they are just best friends that just haven't met before.  I like how nothing about him comes as a surprise, he is who he is, and you either like it or not.

I have never met anyone like him before.  This little guy brings light into my life in a way I never ever expected.  Most of the day he is either laughing, singing or dancing.  He talks non-stop, and always has so much information he wants to share with us.  He loves his mommies, and is proud of who he is and where he comes from.  He loves Adele, and the sound track from Momma Mia, and Justin Beiber.   His favorite colour is purple, and has made that the only colour in his room.  He wears only short sleeve shirts, I don't know why but I think it's because that's what Shaggy wears in Scooby Doo.  He laughs with his whole body, and smiles in a way that his whole face is involved.  He is a math whiz, and loves to read.  Learning new things for him is a passion, not like me at that age at all, I hated school and he loves it.

Above all else, I am so grateful that I made it to see him in this world.  I know that my purpose was that, to bring such a wonderful child into the world, and to raise him into an honorable man.  He is why I was born, and why I lived through all the dark days, so that I could make it here, with him!